Quote of the Day

DRUNK SANTA SINGH


There was once a competition involving three gruelling tests. The participants had to do the following in immediate succession:

1.) Drink five bottles of hard whiskey in one go

2) Enter a room where there was a starving lion and pluck out its eyes with bare hands.

3) And then screw a very horny babe to her full satisfaction.
Many people bravely tried their hands (or should I say mouths) at it. Few could get beyond the first stage. And the inebriated few who managed it, got promptly eaten up by the starving lion. There was none who could read the third stage.

And then, one fine day, Santa Singh walked into the contest. Five bottles of whiskey were nothing for him. He emptied five bottles in five gulps. Then he said, "Bhale change hai hum, thagde hai. Bathao, lion kahan hai." When shown the room, he coolly walked in.

There was no hint of fear on his face, but rather the cool confidence of a person who knew he could do it.
Sounds of a mammoth fight came from the room. Screams of the Sardar and growls of the lion were intermingled. Thumps and thuds which shook the very earth ensued. All of a sudden there was a piercing, heart-rending roar from the Lion.

The audience waited with bated breath, their hair stood on end. And then, as suddenly as it had begun, the titanic roar stopped. An eerie silence prevailed.
As the audience watched, with eyes popping out, the door of the room opened, and out came the Sardar. Badly bruised, with blood streaming from his face, hands and legs, he stumbled out - victorious, nevertheless. His face had the glow of satisfaction of an emperor who had just won a battle.
And then he asked, "Where is the woman whose eyes I have to pluck out?"

A MOTHER'S SACRIFICE

My mom only had one eye. I hated her... she was such an embarrassment. My mom ran a small shop at a flea market. She collected little weeds and such to sell... anything for the money we needed she was such an embarrassment. There was this one day during elementary school.

I remember that it was field day, and my mom came. I was so embarrassed.

How could she do this to me? I threw her a hateful look and ran out. The next day at school..."Your mom only has one eye?!" and they taunted me. I wished that my mom would just disappear from this world so I said to my mom, "Mom, why don't you have the other eye?! You're only going to make me a laughingstock. Why don't you just die?" My mom did not respond. I guess I felt a little bad, but at the same time, it felt good to think that I had said what I'd wanted to say all this time.

Maybe it was because my mom hadn't punished me, but I didn't think that I had hurt her feelings very badly.

That night...I woke up, and went to the kitchen to get a glass of water. My mom was crying there, so quietly, as if she was afraid that she might wake me. I took a look at her, and then turned away.

Because of the thing I had said to her earlier, there was something pinching at me in the corner of my heart. Even so, I hated my mother who was crying out of her one eye. So I told myself that I would grow up and become successful, because I hated my one-eyed mom and our desperate poverty.

Then I studied really hard. I left my mother and came to Seoul and studied, and got accepted in the Seoul University with all the confidence I had. Then, I got married. I bought a house of my own. Then I had kids, too. Now I'm living happily as a successful man. I like it here because it's a place that doesn't remind me of my mom. This happiness was getting bigger and bigger, when someone unexpected came to see me "What?! Who's this?!" ...It was my mother...Still with her one eye. It felt as if the whole sky was falling apart on me. My little girl ran away, scared of my mom's eye.

And I asked her, "Who are you? I don't know you!!!" as if I tried to make that real. I screamed at her "How dare you come to my house and scare my daughter! GET OUT OF HERE! NOW!!!" And to this, my mother quietly answered, "oh, I'm so sorry. I may have gotten the wrong address," and she disappeared. Thank good ness... she doesn't recognize me. I was quite relieved. I told myself that I wasn't going to care, or think about this for the rest of my life.

Then a wave of relief came upon me...one day, a letter regarding a school reunion came to my house. I lied to my wife saying that I was going on a business trip. After the reunion, I went down to the old shack, that I used to call a house...just out of curiosity there, I found my mother fallen on the cold ground. But I did not shed a single tear. She had a piece of paper in her hand.... it was a letter to me.

She wrote:
My son...
I think my life has been long enough now. And... I won't visit Seoul anymore... but would it be too much to ask if I wanted you to come visit me once in a while? I miss you so much. And I was so glad when I heard you were coming for the reunion. But I decided not to go to the school.... For you... I'm sorry that I only have one eye, and I was an embarrassment for you. You see, when you were very little, you got into an accident, and lost your eye. As a mother, I couldn't stand watching you having to grow up with only one eye... so I gave you mine...I was so proud of my son that was seeing a whole new world for me, in my place, with that eye. I was never upset at you for anything you did. The couple times that you were angry with me. I thought to myself, 'it's because he loves me.' I miss the times when you were still young around meI miss you so much. I love you. You mean the world to me.My world shattered!!!Then I cried for the person who lived for me... My Mother

CASH WITHDRAWAL FROM ATM

How a BOY withdraws cash from an ATM.
1. Park the car
2. Go to ATM Machine
3. Insert card
4. Enter PIN
5. Take money out

6. Take ATM Card out
7. Drive away

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How a GIRL withdraws cash from an ATM
1. Park the car
2. Check makeup
3. Turn off engine
4. Check makeup
5. Go to ATM
6. Hunt for ATM card in the purse
7. Insert card
8. Hit Cancel
9. Hunt in purse for chit with PIN written on it
10. Insert card
11. Enter PIN
12. Take cash
13. Go to car
14. Check makeup
15. Start car
16. Stop car
17. Run back to ATM
18. Take ATM card
19. Back to car
20. Check makeup
21. Start car
22. Check makeup
23. Drive for 1/2 mile
24. Release handbrake
25. Drive on.
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PARABLE OF THE TURTLE PICNIC


A
turtle family went on a picnic.. The turtles, being naturally slow about things, took seven years to prepare for their outings.Finally the turtle family left home looking for a suitable place. During the second year of their journey they found it. For about six months theycleaned up the area, unpacked the picnic basket, and completed the arrangements.
Then they discovered the had forgotten the salt. A picnic without salt would be a disaster, they all agreed. After a lengthy discussion, the youngest turtle was chosen to retrieve the salt from home.Although he was the fastest of the slow moving turtles, the little turtle whined, cried, and wobbled in his shell. He agreed to go on one condition: that no one would eat until he returned. The family consented and the little turtle left.Three years passed-- and the little turtle had not returned. Five years...six years.. then in the seventh year of his absence, the oldest turtle could no longer contain his hunger. He announced that he was going to eat and began to unwrap a sandwich.At that point the little turtle suddenly popped out from behind a tree shouting, "SEE I knew you wouldn't wait. Now I am not going to go get the salt.
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The Moral Is...
Some of us waste our lives waiting for people to live up to our expectations of them. We are so concerned about what others are doing that we don't do anything ourselves.
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UNCONDITIONAL LOVE

Some time ago, a friend of mine punished his 4 year old daughter for wasting a roll of gold wrapping paper. Money was tight and he became infuriated when the small child tried to decorate a box to put under the tree. Nevertheless the little girl brought the gift to her father the next morning and said "This is for you Daddy."
He was embarrassed by his earlier over reaction... He opened the box and his anger flared again when he found the box was empty.
Then he yelled at her:
DON'T YOU KNOW when you give someone a present there's supposed to be something inside of it???
The little girl looked up at him with tears in her eyes and said,
Oh Daddy it's not empty, I blew kisses into the box, all for you Daddy.
The father was crushed. He put his arms around his little girl, and he begged her for forgiveness. My friend told me that he kept that gold box near his bed for years.
Whenever he was discouraged he would take out an imaginary kiss and remember the love of the child who had put it there. In a very real sense each of us has been given a gold container filled with unconditional love and kisses.
There is no more precious possession anyone could hold.

HR PROCESSES

One day while walking down the street a highly successful Human Resources Manager was tragically hit by a bus and she died. Her soul arrived up in heaven where she was met at the Pearly Gates by St. Peter himself. "Welcome to Heaven," said St. Peter. "Before you get settled in though, it seems we have a problem. You see, strangely enough, we've never once had a Human Resources Manager make it this far and we're not really sure what to do with you." "No problem, just let me in," said the woman. "Well, I'd like to, but I have higher orders. What we're going to do is let you have a day in Hell and a day in Heaven and then you can choose whichever one you want to spend an eternity in." "Actually, I think I've made up my mind, I prefer to stay in Heaven", said the woman "Sorry, we have rules..." And with that St. Peter put the executive in an elevator and it went down-down-down to hell. The doors opened and she found herself stepping out onto the putting green of a beautiful golf course. In the distance was a country club and standing in front of her were all her friends - fellow executives that she had worked with and they were well dressed in evening owns and cheering for her. They ran up and kissed her on both cheeks and they talked about old times. They played an excellent round of golf and at night went to the country club where she enjoyed an excellent steak and lobster dinner.
She met the Devil who was actually a really nice guy (kind of cute) and she had a great time telling jokes and dancing. She was having such a good time that before she knew it, it was time to leave. Everybody shook her hand and waved goodbye as she got on the elevator. The elevator went up-up-up and opened back up at the Pearly Gates and found St. Peter waiting for her.
"Now it's time to spend a day in heaven," he said. So she spent the next 24 hours lounging around on clouds and playing the harp and singing. She had great time and before she knew it her 24 hours were up and St. Peter came and got her. "So, you've spent a day in hell and you've spent a day in heaven. Now you must choose your eternity," The woman paused for a second and then replied, "Well, I never thought I'd say this, I mean, Heaven has been really great and all, but I think I had a better time in Hell." So St. Peter escorted her to the elevator and again she went down-down-down back to Hell. When the doors of the elevator opened she found herself standing in a desolate wasteland covered in garbage and filth. She saw her friends were dressed in rags and were picking up the garbage and putting it in sacks. The Devil came up to her and put his arm around her. "I don't understand," stammered the woman, "yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and a country club and we ate lobster and we danced and had a great time. Now all there is a wasteland of garbage and all my friends look miserable." The Devil looked at her smiled and told...

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Yesterday we were recruiting you, Today you are an employee.

LOVE'S STORY

Once upon a time, there was an island where all the feelings lived: Happiness, Sadness, Knowledge, and all of the others including Love. One day it was announced to the feelings that the island would sink, so all repaired their boats and left. Love wanted to persevere until the last possible moment. When the island was almost sinking, Love decided to ask for help. Richness was passing by Love in a grand boat. Love said, "Richness, can you take me with you?" Richness answered, "No, I can't. There is a lot of gold and silver in my boat. There is no place here for you."

Love decided to ask Vanity who was also passing by in a beautiful vessel, "Vanity, please help me!" "I can't help you Love. You are all wet and might damage my boat." Vanity answered.

Sadness was close by so Love asked for help, "Sadness, let me go with you." "Oh....Love, I am so sad that I need to be by myself!"

Happiness passed by Love too, but he was so happy that she did not even hear when Love called her!

Suddenly, there was a voice, "Come Love, I will take you." It was an elder. Love felt so blessed and overjoyed that he even forgot to ask the elder his name. When they arrived at dry land, the elder went his own way.

Love realizing how much he owed the elder and asked Knowledge, another elder, "Who helped me?" "It was Time," Knowledge answered. "Time?" asked Love. "But why did Time help me?" Knowledge smiled with deep wisdom and answered, "Because, only Time is capable of understanding how great Love is."

CHILD PLAY

A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his customer, "This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you." The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, "Which do you want, son?" The boy takes the quarters and leaves. "What did I tell you?" said the barber. "That kid never learns!"Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream store. "Hey, son! May I ask you a question? Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?" The boy licked his cone and replied, "Because the day I take the dollar, the game'sover!"

Maid

A guy dials his home and a strange woman answers.The guy says, "Who is this?""This is the maid," answers the woman."We don't have a maid," says the man.
The woman says, "I was hired this morning by the woman of the house."The man says, "Well, this is her husband. Is she there?"The woman replies, "She is upstairs in the bed room with someone who I figured was her husband."The guy is fuming and says to the maid, "Listen, would you like to make 50,000?"The maid asks, "What will I have to do?"The man tells her, "I want you to get my gun from the desk, and shoot the Bitch and the jerk she's with."The maid puts the phone down; the man hears footsteps and then two gun shots.The maid comes back to the phone, "What do I do with the bodies?"The man says, "Throw them in the swimming pool."Puzzled, the maid answers, "But you don't have a pool."A long pause and the man asks, "Oops..! Is this 2261-1382?"

10 PRINCIPLES

Stop and ask yourself today, "How do I really feel about myself?" Before you answer read these ten principles. Better yet, keep them before you daily.
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(1) Never think or speak negatively about yourself; that puts you in disagreement with God.
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(2) Meditate on your God-given strengths and learn to encourage yourself, for much of the time nobody else will.
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(3) Don't compare yourself to anybody else. You're unique, one of a kind, an original. So don't settle for being a copy.
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(4) Focus on your potential, not your limitations. Remember, God lives in you!
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(5) Find what you like to do, do well, and strive to do it with excellence.
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(6) Have the courage to be different. Be a God pleaser, not a people pleaser.
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(7) Learn to handle criticism. Let it develop you instead of discourage you.
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(8) Determine your own worth instead of letting others do it for you. They'll short-change you!********
(9) Keep your shortcomings in perspective - you're still a work in progress.
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(10) Focus daily on your greatest source of confidence - the God Who lives in you!

HOPE,TRUST,CONFIDENCE

CONFIDENCE:
1 Day all villagers decided to pray for rain.
On the day of prayer all people gathered & only one boy come with umbrella. THATS CONFIDENCE.
TRUST:
Trust should be like feeling of a 1 year old baby, when you throw him in tha air, he laughs....
Because he know you will catch him...
HOPE:
Every night we go to bed, have no assurance to get up alive in the next morning
But still we have many plans for coming day...
KEEP CONFIDENCE, TRUST IN GOD AND NEVER LOSE HOPE...

Bran Muffins

The couple were 85 years old, and had been married for sixty years. Though they were far from rich, they managed to get by because they watched their pennies.Though not young, they were both in very good health, largely due to the wife's insistence on healthy foods (LOTS of bran muffins for their fiber) and exercise for the last decade.One day, their good health didn't help when they went on a rare vacation and their plane crashed, sending them off to Heaven.
They reached the pearly gates, and St. Peter escorted them inside. He took them to a beautiful mansion, furnished in gold and fine silks, with a fully stocked kitchen and a waterfall in the master bath. A maid could be seen hanging their favorite clothes in the closet.They gasped in astonishment when he said, 'Welcome to Heaven. This will be your home now.' The old man asked Peter how much all this was going to cost. 'Why, nothing,' Peter replied, 'remember, this is your reward in Heaven.'The old man looked out the window and right there he saw a championship golf course, finer and more beautiful than any ever built on Earth.'What are the greens fees?', grumbled the old man.'This is heaven,' St. Peter replied. 'You can play for free, every day.'Next they went to the clubhouse and saw the lavish buffet lunch, with every imaginable cuisine laid out before them, from seafood to steaks to exotic deserts, free flowing beverages.'Don't even ask,' said St. Peter to the man 'This is Heaven, it is all free for you to enjoy.'The old man looked around and glanced nervously at his wife.'Well, where are the low fat and low cholesterol foods, and the decaffeinated tea?' he asked.'That's the best part,' St. Peter replied. 'You can eat and drink as much as you like of whatever you like, and you will never get fat or sick. This is Heaven!' The old man pushed, 'No gym to work out at?''Not unless you want to,' was the answer.'No testing my sugar or blood pressure or...''Never again. All you do here is enjoy yourself.'The old man glared at his wife and said, 'You and your bran muffins. We could have been here ten years ago!

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