Quote of the Day

Apology letter

A School Master from a remote rural area in Bihar was transferred to a new School in Mumbai. He reported for duty two days after the actual date of joining. Consequently he was asked for an explanation in writing...
_________

Deer sur,

If small small mistakes getting inside my letter, I big you pardon, ass I am not a good englis speaker.

This is my fist vijit to Bombai. Stickly speaking, I wanted to joint your school more fastly,but for the following region, too much time lost in getting slipper reservation in three-tyre compartment.

I tolded I has head ache problem due to migration. Still the clerk rejected to give ticket to I and my sun.

I putted a complain on station masterji.

He said I to go to the lady clerk.

At first she also rejected. I then pressed for long time and finally with great difficulty she gave a birth to my sun.

Anyway I thanked the station master also because he was phully responsible for getting birth of my sun.

Ass a hole it was a bhery diphicult experiment in my hole life.

I hope u will look into explain my hole story after,and late me joint first.

I am now ending this fastly. I am a waiter for your responsement.

May God blast you!"

Yours awfully,
Yadav

God doesn't exist

A man went to a barbershop to have his hair cut and his beard trimmed.

As the barber began to work, they began to have a good conversation.

They talked about so many things and various subjects. When they eventually touched on the subject of God, the barber said: "I don't believe that God exists."

"Why do you say that?"asked the customer.

"Well, you just have to go out in the street to realize that God doesn't exist.

Tell me, if God exists,would there be so many sick people? Would there be abandoned children? If God existed, there would be neither suffering nor pain. I can't imagine loving a God who would allow all of these things."

The customer thought for a moment, but didn't respond because he didn't want to start an argument.

The barber finished his job and the customer left the shop. Just after he left the barbershop, he saw a man in the street with long, stringy, dirty hair and an untrimmed beard. He looked dirty and un-kept.

The customer turned back and entered the barber shop again and he said to the barber: "You know what? Barbers do not exist."

"How can you say that?"asked the surprised barber. "I am here, and I am a barber.And I just worked on you!"

"No!" the customer exclaimed. "Barbers don't exist because if they did, there would be no people with dirty long hair and untrimmed beards, like that man outside."

"Ah, but barbers DO exist! What happens is, people do not come to me."

"Exactly!"- affirmed the customer. "That's the point! God, too, DOES exist! What happens, is, people don't go to Him and do not look for Him. That's why there's so much pain and suffering in the world."

&&&&&&&&

Distinction between "Guts" and "Balls"

We've all heard about people having guts or balls. But do you really know the difference between them?

In an effort to keep you informed, the definition for each is listed below...

GUTS - is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being met by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to ask: "Are you still cleaning, or are you flying somewhere?"

BALLS - is coming home late after a night out with the guys, smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the butt and having the balls to say: "You're next."

I hope this clears up any confusion on the definitions.

Medically speaking, there is no difference in the outcome, since both ultimately result in death!

SAYING PRAYERS

Saying Grace In A Restaurant

Last week, I took my children to a restaurant.

My six-year-old son asked if he could say grace.

As we bowed our heads he said, "God is good, God is great. Thank you for the food, and I would even thank you more if Mom gets us ice cream for dessert. And Liberty and justice for all! Amen!"

Along with the laughter from the other customers nearby, I heard a woman remark, "That's what's wrong with this country. Kids today don't even know how to pray. Asking God for ice cream! Why, I never!"

Hearing this, my son burst into tears and asked me, "Did I do it wrong? Is God mad at me?"

As I held him and assured him that he had done a terrific job, and God was certainly not mad at him, an elderly gentleman approached the table.

He winked at my son and said, "I happen to know that God thought that was a great prayer."

"Really?" my son asked.

"Cross my heart," the man replied.

Then, in a theatrical whisper, he added (indicating the woman whose remark had started this whole thing), "Too bad she never asks God for ice cream. A little ice cream is good for the soul sometimes."

Naturally, I bought my kids ice cream at the end of the meal. My son stared at his for a moment, and then did something I will remember the rest of my life.

He picked up his sundae and, without a word, walked over and placed it in front of the woman. With a big smile he told her, "Here, this is for you. Ice cream is good for the soul sometimes; and my soul is good already."

25 Fun Pool Activities

1) Stand on top of the high board and say you won't come down until your demands are met.

2) Tell the lifeguards that they aren't doing their jobs because you have seen at least 15 people kind of almost drown today.

3) Ask people if they have seen your pet shark.

4) Sit in the baby pool and play with the toys.

5) Take a flutter board and pretend you can't swim.

6) Hit strangers with your flutter board.

7) Ask an attractive lifeguard to practice CPR on you.

8) Sit in front of a water jet, make moaning sounds and say, "Oh yeah.. Oooh that feels soooo good.."

9) Sit on the top of the water slide and don't move.

10) Swim near someone and go "Shoot! I knew I shouldn't have had so much lemonade before I came here."

11) Insist that you saw a monster at the bottom of the pool.

12) Pretend to drown and then when someone tries to help you, say "HA HA, fooled you!"

13) Scream as someone is jumping off of a diving board.

14) Laugh at fat people in swimsuits.

15) Tell people you saw the lifeguard peeing in the pool.

16) Ask a lifeguard if skinny-dipping is allowed.

17) Try to negotiate the price of getting in.

18) Take a really long time when you are on top of the high dive and then act as though you were pushed off.

19) When in line, ask strangers if they think invisible people get a discount.

20) Take your towel, tie it around your shoulders and say "Wheee! I'm Batman!" while running around.

21) Hit strangers with your wet towel.

22) Throw people's things into the pool.

23) Sing and dance on top of the diving board, then do a belly-flop as your grand-finale.

24) Play Marco-Polo by yourself.

25) Ask small children if they have seen any suspicious-looking sea monsters lately.

NAIL IN THE FENCE

There once was a little boy who had a bad temper.

His Father gave him a bag of nails and told him that every time he lost his temper,

he must hammer a nail into the back of the fence.

The first day the boy had driven 37 nails into the fence.

Over the next few weeks, as he learned to control his anger,the number of nails hammered daily gradually dwindled down.

He discovered it was easier to hold his temper than to drive those nails into the fence.

Finally the day came when the boy didn't lose his temper at all. He told his father about it and

the father suggested that the boy now pull out one nail for each day that he was able to hold his temper.

The days passed and the young boy was finally able to tell his father that all the nails were gone.

The father took his son by the hand and led him to the fence.

He said, "You have done well, my son, but look at the holes in the fence. The fence will never be the same.

When you say things in anger, they leave a scar just like this one. You can put a knife in a man and draw it out.

It won't matter how many times you say I'm sorry, the wound is still there."

A verbal wound is as bad as a physical one. Friends are very rare jewels, indeed.

They make you smile and encourage you to succeed.

They lend an ear, they share words of praise and they always want to open their hearts to us."

Please forgive me if I have ever left a hole in your heart

Controlling Anger - Before It Controls You

Love Marriage vs Arranged Marriage

Love Marriage: Resembles procedural programming language. We have some set functions like flirting, going to movies together, making long conversations on phone and then try to fit all functions to the candidate we like.

Arranged Marriage: Similar to object oriented programming approach. We first fix the candidate and then try to implement functions on her. The main object is fixed and various functions are added to supplement the main program. The functions can be added or deleted.

Love Marriage: It is a throwaway type of prototype as client requirements rises with time thus it is a dynamic system and difficult to maintain.

Arranged Marriage: Requirements are well defined so use of waterfall model is possible.

Love Marriage: Family system hangs because hardware called parents are not responding.

Arranged Marriage: Compatible with hardware Parents.

Love Marriage: You are the project leader so u are responsible for implementation and execution of PROJECT- married life.

Arranged Marriage: You are a team member under project leader parents so they are responsible for successful execution of project Married life.

Love Marriage: Client expectations include exciting feature as spouse cooking food, washing clothes etc.

Arranged Marriage: All these features are covered in the SRS as required features.

Love Marriage: Acceptance test possible you can try before you Buy.

Arranged Marriage: Product is sold on an as is where is basis, Product once sold will not be taken back!

Karate Class

Joe was a not too smart kind of guy. Everyday when he walked home from work, he would get stopped by three nasty men and they would beat him up and steal his money.

Finally, Joe decided that it would serve his best interest to walk a different route and then take up some self-defense classes so this wouldn't happen again.
He joined a karate class and soon was doing very well to defend himself.

So, one day, on the way home from work Joe took his old route home and sure enough there they were.

He walked up to them and the battle ensued.
The next afternoon Joe went to his karate class with a black eye, a broken nose and a busted lip.

His instructor, shocked, asked him what happened.

"Well," explained Joe, "I took my old way home last night so I could beat these guys up who were stealing my money, but they beat me up before I could get my shoes and socks off!"

Devil's most 'used' instrument

It was advertised that the devil was going to put his tools up for sale. On the date of the sale, the tools were placed for public inspection; each tool being marked with its sale price.

They were a treacherous lot of implements... Hatred, Envy, Jealousy, Deceit, Lying, Pride, and so on.

Laid apart from the rest was a harmless looking tool, that appeared to have been heavily used, and was priced very high.

"What is the name of this tool?" asked one of the purchasers, pointing to it. "That is Discouragement," replied the devil.

"Why have you priced it so high?"

"Because it is more useful to me than all the others. I can pry open and get inside people's hearts with that when I cannot get near them with my other tools. Once I get inside, I can make them do what I choose. It is badly worn because I use it on almost everyone, since very few people know that it belongs to me."

Never get discouraged! Keep your head up keep the faith!

Cool Insulting lines

1. Any similarity between you and a human is purely coincidental!

2. Are you always so stupid or is today a special occasion?

3. As an outsider, what do you think of the human race?

4. I'd like to kick you in the teeth, but why should I improve your looks?

5. At least there's one thing good about your body. It isn't as ugly as your face!

6. Brains aren't everything. In fact, in your case they're nothing

7. Careful now, don't let your brains go to your head!

8. I like you. People say I've no taste, but I like you.

9. Did your parents ever ask you to run away from home?

10. If I had a face like yours. I'd sue my parents!

11. Don't feel bad. A lot of people have no talent!

12. Don't get insulted, but is your job devoted to spreading ignorance?

13. Keep talking, someday you'll say something intelligent!

14. Don't you love nature, despite what it did to you?

15. Don't think, it may sprain your brain!

16. Fellows like you don't grow from trees; they swing from them.

17. He has a mechanical mind. Too bad he forgot to wind it up this morning.

18. He has a mind like a steel trap-always closed!

19. You are a man of the world-and you know what sad shape the world is in.

20. He is always lost in thought-it's unfamiliar territory.

21. He is dark and handsome. When it's dark, he's handsome.

22. He is known as a miracle comic. If he's funny, it's a miracle!

23. He is listed in Who's Who as What's That?

24. He is living proof that man can live without a brain!

25. He is so short, when it rains he is always the last one to know.

26. He is the kind of a man that you would use as a blueprint to build an idiot.

27. How come you're here? I thought the zoo is closed at night!

28. How did you get here? Did someone leave your cage open?

29. How much refund do you expect on your head now that it's empty.

30. How would you like to feel the way you look?

31. Hi! I'm a human being! What are you?

32. I can't talk to you right now; tell me, where will you be in the next 10 years?

33. I don't want you to turn the other cheek; it's just as ugly.

34. I don't know who you are, but whatever you are, I'm sure everyone will agree with me.

35. I don't know what makes you so stupid, but it really works.

36. I could make a monkey out of you, but why should I take all the credit?

37. I can't seem to remember your name, and please don't help me!

38. I don't even like the people you're trying to imitate, if you are at all.

39. I know you were born silly, but why did you have a relapse?

40. I know you're a self-made man. It's nice of you to take the blame!

41. I know you're not as stupid as you look. Nobody could be!

42. I've seen people like you, but I had to pay admission!

43. Why are you so stupid today? Anyway, I think that's very typical of you.

44. Do u practice being this ugly?

MAKE USE OF THE OPPORTUNUTIES

A man with a gun goes into a bank and demands their money.

Once he is given the money, he turns to a customer and asks, 'Did you see me rob this bank?'

The man replied, 'Yes sir, I did.'
The robber then shot him in the temple , killing him instantly.
He then turned to a couple standing next to him and asked the man, 'Did you see me rob this bank?'

The man replied, 'No sir, I didn't, but my wife did!'

Moral - When Opportunity knocks.... MAKE USE OF IT !

Car operating system

Bill's company made software to run a car.

Bill was taking a test ride of the car. Suddenly a truck came from opposite side.

Bill pressed ctrl+b to apply brakes.

A pop-up window appeared asking, "Are you sure you really want to stop?"

Before Bill could enter "Yes", there was a crash and the car caught fire.

In panic Bill forgot the password to open the door.
He started shouting "F1! F1!" but there was no computer professional present there to understand his screams.

Then he tried to come out through the car window-pane.

A message appeared on the screen, "An illegal function is performed.
All the window-panes of the car will be closed." Poor Bill died.

Messengers of death took away his soul and said to him, "You have never ever performed any good deeds in your life. You always stole the code from others. We are going to send you to hell."

Bill pleaded, "I am ready to go to hell but do provide me a computer, please."

Messengers of death smiled inwardly and permitted him a computer, but with no Alt, Ctrl and Delete keys on the keyboard.

The Richest Man In The Valley

A rich landowner named Carl often rode around his vast estate so he could congratulate himself on his great wealth.

One day while riding around his estate on his favorite horse, he saw Hans, an old tenant farmer. Hans was sitting under a tree when Carl rode by.

Hans said, 'I was just thanking God for my food.'
Carl protested, 'If that is all I had to eat, I wouldn't feel like giving thanks.'
Hans replied, 'God has given me everything I need, and I am thankful for it.'

The old farmer added, 'It is strange you should come by today because I had a dream last night. In my dream a voice told me, 'The richest man in the valley will die tonight.' I don't know what it means, but I thought I ought to tell you.'

Carl snorted, 'Dreams are nonsense,' and galloped away, but he could not forget Hans' words: 'The richest man in the valley will die tonight.'

He was obviously the richest man in the valley, so he invited his doctor to his house that evening.

Carl told the doctor what Hans had said. After a thorough examination, the doctor told the wealthy landowner, 'Carl, you are as strong and healthy as a horse. There is no way you are going to die tonight.'

Nevertheless, for assurance, the doctor stayed with Carl, and they played cards through the night.

The doctor left the next morning and Carl apologized for becoming so upset over the old man's dream.

At about nine o'clock, a messenger arrived at Carl's door.
'What is it?' Carl demanded.

The messenger explained, 'It's about old Hans. He died last night in his sleep.'
*******
Being rich has nothing to do with money or possessions. But it has everything to do with having a relationship with God.
*******

The Ultimate Facts

Men:

1. All men are extremely busy.

2. Although they are so busy, they still have time for women.

3. Although they have time for women, they don't really care for them.

4. Although they don't really care for them, they always have one around.

5. Although they always have one around them, they always try their luck with others.

6. Although they try their luck with others, they get really pissed off if the woman leaves them.

7. Although the woman leaves them they still don't learn from their mistakes and still try their luck with others.

Women:

1. The most important thing for a woman is financial security.

2. Although this is so important, they still go out and buy expensive clothes and stuff.

3. Although they always buy expensive clothes, they never have something to wear.

4. Although they never have something to wear, they always dress beautifully.

5. Although they always dress beautifully, their clothes are always just "an old rag".

6. Although their clothes are always "just an old rag", they still expect you to compliment them.

7. Although they expect you to compliment them, when you do, they don't believe

The Monkey with The Wooden Apples

There once was a happy monkey wandering the jungle, eating delicious fruit when hungry, and resting when tired. One day he came upon a house, where he saw a bowl of the most beautiful apples. He took one in each hand and ran back into the forest.

He sniffed the apples and smelled nothing. He tried to eat them, but hurt his teeth. They were made of wood, but they were beautiful, and when the other monkeys saw them, he held onto them even tighter.

He admired his new possessions proudly as he wandered the jungle. They glistened red in the sun, and seemed perfect to him. He became so attached to them, that he didn't even notice his hunger at first.

A fruit tree reminded him, but he felt the apples in his hands. He couldn't bear to set them down to reach for the fruit. In fact, he couldn't relax, either, if he was to defend his apples. A proud, but less happy monkey continued to walk along the forest trails.

The apples became heavier, and the poor little monkey thought about leaving them behind. He was tired, hungry, and he couldn't climb trees or collect fruit with his hands full. What if he just let go?

Letting go of such valuable things seemed crazy, but what else could he do? He was so tired. Seeing the next fruit tree, and smelling it's fruit was enough. He dropped the wooden apples and reached up for his meal. He was happy again.

*********

Like that little monkey, we sometimes carry things that seem too valuable to let go. A man carries an image of himself as "productive" - carries it like a shiny wooden apple. But in reality, his busyness leaves him tired, and hungry for a better life.

Still, letting go seems crazy. Even his worries are sacred apples - they prove he's "doing everything he can." He holds onto them compulsively.

A Mouse Fable

A mouse looked through the crack in the wall to see the farmer and his wife open a package... "What food might this contain?" The mouse wondered - he was devastated to discover it was a mousetrap.

Retreating to the farmyard, the mouse proclaimed the warning. "There is a mousetrap in the house! There is a mousetrap in the house!"

The chicken clucked and scratched, raised her head and said, "Mr. Mouse, I can tell this is a grave concern to you but it is of no consequence to me. I cannot be bothered by it."

The mouse turned to the pig and told him, "There is a mousetrap in the house! There is a mousetrap in the house!" The pig sympathized, but said, "I am so very sorry, Mr. Mouse, but there is nothing I can do about it. "

The mouse turned to the cow and said, "There is a mousetrap in the house! There is a mousetrap in the house!" The cow said, "Wow, Mr. Mouse. I'm sorry for you, but it's no skin off my nose.But wish you well; be assured you are in my prayers "So, the mouse returned to the house, head down and dejected, to face the farmer's mousetrap-- alone.

That very night a sound was heard throughout the house -- like the sound of a mousetrap catching its prey.The farmer's wife rushed to see what was caught.

In the darkness, she did not see it was a venomous snake whose tail the trap had caught. The snake bit the farmer's wife.

The farmer rushed her to the hospital and she returned home with a fever. Everyone knows you treat a fever with fresh chicken soup, so the farmer took his hatchet to the farmyard for the soup's main ingredient. But his wife's sickness continued, so friends and neighbors came to sit with her around the clock. To feed them, the farmer butchered the pig. The farmer's wife did not get well; she died.

So many people came for her funeral, the farmer had the cow slaughtered to provide enough meat for all of them. The mouse looked upon it all from his crack in the wall with great sadness.

So, the next time you hear someone is facing a problem and think it doesn't concern you, Remember -- when one of us is threatened, we are all at risk. We are all involved in this journey called life. We must keep an eye out for one another and make an extra effort to encourage one another.

Be Careful What You Ask For

One day a man spotted a lamp by the roadside.
He picked it up, rubbed it vigorously, and a genie appeared.

"I'll grant you your fondest wish," the genie said.

The man thought for a moment, then said, "I want a spectacular job -- a job that no man has ever succeeded at or has ever even dared try."

"Poof!" said the genie.

"You're a housewife."

Survey on LIPSTICK

What happens to the Lipstick used by the ladies.

5% of the Lipstick is sticked to the cutlery.

25% of the lipstick goes to Tissue Paper & Cotton Tabs at the time of removeing the Make Up.

15% of the Lipstick goes in Drain at the Time of Washing Face & Lips.

10% is Dumpped in the Garbage as Unused.

5% of the Lipstick is found in the Womens Stomach Due to Newer Flavours & Essences.

And the remaing 40% of the Lipstick I Gaurantee you that you will find it in Man's Stomach

What is on the other side?

A sick man turned to his doctor, as he was preparing to leave the examination room and said, with tears in his eyes, "Doctor, I am afraid to die, please tell me what is on the other side?"

Very quietly, the doctor said, "I don't know"

"You don't know?" said the sick man, "How come you don't know what is on the other side?"

The doctor was holding the handle of the door.

On the other side of the door, there was a sound of scratching and whining. As he opened the door, a dog sprang into the room and leaped on him with an eager show of gladness.

Turning to the patient, the doctor said, "Did you notice my dog? It has never been in this room before; it didn't know what was inside except that its master was here.

When the door opened, it sprang in without fear.

We don't know what is on the other side of death, but we know that our Master is there and that is quite enough".

20 Reasons Why Alcohol Should Be Served At Work ( Office Humor )

1. It's an incentive to show up.

2. It reduces stress.

3. It leads to more honest communications.

4. It reduces complaints about low pay.

5. It cuts down on time off because you can work with a hangover.

6. Employees tell management what they think, not what management wants to hear.

7. It helps save on heating costs in the winter.

8. It encourages carpooling.

9. Increased job satisfaction because if you have a bad job, you don't care.

10. It eliminates vacations because people would rather come to work.

11. It makes fellow employees look better.

12. It makes the cafeteria food taste better.

13. Bosses are more likely to hand out raises when they are wasted.

14. Salary negotiations are a lot more profitable.

15. Suddenly, burping during a meeting isn't so embarrassing.

16. Employees work later since there's no longer a need to relax at the bar.

17. It makes everyone more open with their ideas.

18. Everyone agrees they work better after they've had a couple of drinks.

19. Eliminates the need for employees to get drunk on their lunch break.

20. It's obviously a good idea ....
******

It's all about women

1) What is the difference between women and puppies?
Answer: Puppies grow up.

**********
2) Why do women always have a stupid look on their faces?
Answer: Because they are...

**********
3) What do women have in common with ceramic tiles?
Answer: Fix them properly once and you can walk all over them forever.

**********
4) If you drop a women and a brick out of a plane, which one would hit the ground first?
Answer: Who cares ?????..

**********
5) What did God say after he created woman?
Answer: I can do better than this! And then he created man.

**********
6) What's the difference between an intelligent woman & a UFO ?
Answer: I don't know, I've never seen either.

**********
7) What are two reasons why women don't mind their own business?
Answers: I) no mind ii) no business

Intelligent thinking

A jobless man applied for the position of "office boy" at Microsoft.

The HR manager interviewed him then watched him cleaning the floor as a test.

"You are employed." He said." Give me your e-mail address and I'll send you the application to fill in, as well as date when you may start."

The man replied "But I don't have a computer, neither an email."

I'm sorry", said the HR manager, "If you don't have an email, that means you do not exist. And who doesn't exist, cannot have the job."

The man left with no hope at all. He didn't know what to do, with only $10 in his pocket. He then decided to go to the supermarket and buy a 10Kg tomato crate. He then sold the tomatoes in a door to door round. In less than two hours, he succeeded to double his capital.

He repeated the Operation three times, and returned home with $60.

The man realized that he can survive by this Way, and started to go everyday earlier, and return late Thus, his money doubled or tripled every day. Shortly, he bought a cart, then a truck, then he had his own fleet of delivery vehicles.

5 years later , the man is one of the biggest food retailers in the US .

He started to plan his family's future, and decided to have a life insurance.

He called an insurance broker, and chose a protection plan. When the conversation was concluded, the broker asked him his email. The man replied, "I don't have an email". The broker answered curiously, "You don't have an email, and yet have succeeded to build an empire. Can you imagine what you could have been if you had an email?!!"

The man thought for a while and replied, "Yes, I'd be an office boy at Microsoft!"

Moral of the story:

M1 - Internet is not the solution to your life.
M2 - If you don't have Internet, and work hard, you can be a millionaire.
M3 - If you received this message by email, you are closer to being an office boy, than a millionaire. .........

Office Phrases - new definitions

Office Phrases - new definitions. [ office humor ]
Commonly Used Phrases at the Office and... What they really mean!

*******
1. For your information, please. (FYI)
Meaning: I don't know what to do with this, so please keep it.
*******
2. Noted and returned.
Meaning: I don't know what to do with this, so please keep it little while.
*******
3. Review and comment.
Meaning: Do the dirty work so that I can forward it.
*******
4. Action please.
Meaning: Get yourself involved for me. Don't worry, I'll claim the credit.
*******
5. For your necessary action.
Meaning: It's your headache now.
*******
6. Copy to.
Meaning: Here's a share of my headache.
*******
7. For your approval, please.
Meaning: Put your neck on the chopping board for me please.
*******
8. Action is being taken.
Meaning: Your correspondence is lost and I am trying to locate it.
*******
9. Your letter is receiving our attention.
Meaning: I am trying to figure out what you want.
*******
10. Please discuss.
Meaning: I don't know what the hell this is, so please brief me.
*******
11. For your immediate action.
Meaning: Do it NOW! Or I will get into serious trouble.
*******
12. Please reply soon.
Meaning: Please be efficient. It makes me look inefficient.
*******
13. We are investigating/processing your request with the relevant authorities.
Meaning: They are causing the delay, not us.
*******
14. Regards.
Meaning: Thanks and bless you for reading all the crap.

SPIRITUAL COMMENTARY

Maharishi Gautma has spoken of eight 'Atma Gunas' or personal qualities that every individual should cultivate.

They help a man to enjoy mental peace and happiness. They also give rise to virtue and so their benefits are not confined to the present life.

Further, if people strive to cultivate these, the world will become a happier place.

The seventh ordained quality is 'Absence of niggardliness'. The tendency to hoard and not part with anything in charity is the result of greed.

Lord Krishna in Bhagavad Gita has spoken of desire, anger and greed as the triple gates of hell. Hoarding will never benefit us and when we die, we cannot take our wealth with us.

Neelakanta Deekshitar has humorously advised, "If you are keen that even after death you should not be parted with your wealth and that you should carry it with you in a bundle on your head then give it to the deserving".

Currency notes cannot be taken to the next world. On the other hand, if a miser converts them into virtue by performing charity, he need not fear that he will lose them after death. After all, virtuewill accompany him to the next world.

The scriptures prescribe the giving of gifts to the deserving as an antidote for greed. So, charity, apart from bringing about happiness in others, greatly conduces to the spiritual well being of the donor.

A person who loses some money feels unhappy. But he feels happy, not sad, when he voluntarily gives the same amount to a poor student who is not in a position to pay his examination fees. Charity can thus make not only the donee happy but also the donor!

Thus absence of Niggardliness is a supreme quality one must try to practise for his own evolution and also to keep others around him happy as other's blessings that comes from a true heart is a true blessing for us to have a fulfilled and contented life at every stage!!

"If you can't feed a hundred people, then just feed one." - Mother Teresa.

"You give but little when you give of your possessions. It is when you give of yourself that you truly give." - Kalil Gibran

"The value of a man resides in what he gives and not in what he is capable of receiving." - Albert Einstein

"Do not stand on a high pedestal and take 5 cents in your hand and say, "here, my poor man", but be grateful that the poor man is there, so by making a gift to him you are able to help yourself.

It is not the reciever that is blessed, but it is the giver. Be thankful that you are allowed to exercise your power of benevolence and mercy in the world, and thus become pure and perfect." - Swami.Vivekananda.

"Giving is most blessed and most acceptable when the donor remains completely anonymous" - Anonymous.

Clever Business Signs

Some Very Clever Business Signs

1) At an Optometrist's office: "If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place."

2) In a Restaurant window: "Don't stand there hungry. Come on in and get fed up."

3) In a Podiatrist's office: "Time wounds all heels."

4) On a Plumber's Shop: "We repair what your husband fixed."

5) On the trucks of a Plumbing Company: "Don't sleep with a drip. Call us."

6) Pizza Shop Slogan: "7 days without pizza makes one weak."

7) At a Tire Shop: "Invite us to your next blowout."

8) On a Plastic Surgeon's Office door: "Hello. Can we pick your nose?"

9) At a Towing company: "We don't charge an arm and a leg. We want tows."

10) On an Electrician's truck: "Let us remove your shorts."

11) In a Nonsmoking Area: "If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and put you out."

12) On a Septic Tank Truck sign: "We're #1 in the #2 business."

13) On a Fence: "Salesmen welcome! Dog food is expensive."

14) At a Car Dealership: "The best way to get back on your feet -- miss a car payment."

15) Outside a Muffler Shop: "No appointment necessary. We hear you coming."

16) At the Electric Company: "We would be delighted if you send in your payment. However, if you don't, you will be de-Lighted."

17) In the front yard of a Funeral Home: "Please drive carefully. We'll wait."

A date !

After 21 years of marriage, my wife wanted me to take another woman out to dinner and a movie.

She said I love you but I know this other woman loves you and would love to spend some time with you.

The other woman that my wife wanted me to visit was my MOTHER, who has been a widow for 19 years, but the demands of my work and my three children had made it possible to visit her only occasionally.

That night I called to invite her to go out for dinner and a movie.

"What's wrong, are you well," she asked? My mother is the type of woman who suspects that a late night call or a surprise invitation is a sign of bad news.

"I thought that it would be pleasant to be with you," I responded. "Just the two of us."

She thought about it for a moment, and then said, "I would like that very much."

That Friday after work, as I drove over to pick her up I was a bit nervous. When I arrived at her house, I noticed that she, too, seemed to be nervous about our date. She waited in the door with her coat on. She had curled her hair and was wearing the dress that she had worn to celebrate her last wedding anniversary.

She smiled from a face that was as radiant as an angel's.

"I told my friends that I was going to go out with my son, and they were impressed, "she said, as she got into the car. "They can't wait to hear about our meeting".

We went to a restaurant that, although not elegant, was very nice and cozy. My mother took my arm as if she were the First Lady. After we sat down,

I had to read the menu. Large print. Half way through the entries, I lifted my eyes and saw Mom sitting there staring at me. A nostalgic smile was on her lips.

"It was I who used to have to read the menu when you were small," she said.

"Then it's time that you relax and let me return the favor," I responded.

During the dinner, we had an agreeable conversation - nothing extraordinary, but catching up on recent events of each other's life. We talked so much that we missed the movie.

As we arrived at her house later, she said, "I'll go out with you again, but only if you let me invite you." I agreed.

"How was your dinner date?" asked my wife when I got home. "Very nice. Much more so than I could have imagined," I answered.

A few days later, my mother died of a massive heart attack. It happened so suddenly that I did to do anything for her.

Some time later, I received an envelope with a copy of a restaurant receipt from the same place mother and I had dined.

An attached note said: "I paid this bill in advance. I wasn't sure that I could be there; but nevertheless, I paid for two plates - one for you and the other for your wife. You will never know what that night meant for me. I love you, son."

At that moment, I understood the importance of saying in time: "I LOVE YOU!" and to give our loved ones the time that they deserve.

Nothing in life is more important than God and your family. Give them the time they deserve, because these things cannot be put off till "some other time."

**********
Pass this along to everyone with an aging parent, to a child, to an adult, to anyone with a parent. Here's hoping today is better than yesterday and tomorrow.

40 ways to melt a woman`s heart

1. Ask her to dance.

2. On windy days, brush wayward strands of hair from her eyes and mouth.

3. When she's coming down the street, across the room, or up the stairs to meet you, walk towards her as soon as you see her.

4. Kiss her between her shoulder blades when she turns her back to you to go to sleep.

5. Put your arm around her when you introduce her to your friends and family.

6. Grasp her hand when a scantily dressed, beautiful woman walks by.

7. Call her when you're feeling sad.

8. Kiss her eyelids.

9. Ask to see a picture of her when she was a child.

10. Wash her from head to toe in the shower.

11. If she's crying on the phone, go over to her place. Immediately.

12. Stand her naked on a sturdy chair and **** between her legs.

13. Occasionally call her by her first and middle names.

14. Buy her your favourite rock album of all time on vinyl.

15. Order coffee for her, remembering exactly how she likes it.

16. Undress her and put her to bed when she falls asleep in the car.

17. Mention your upcoming anniversary before she does.

18. Send her something in the mail. Anything.

19. When she's feeling insecure, stare into her eyes and tell her there is no-one in the world who could be as right for you as she is.

20. Call her just before you get on the plane.

21. Pick her clothes up off the floor.

22. Try desperately to make her laugh when she's feeling down.

23. Take her to see your favourite sport live. Pay more attention to her than to the game.

24. Touch her arm when you leave the table to go to the bathroom. Touch her again when you come back.

25. Shave just before you see her. She'll notice.

26. Hug her when she gets jealous. Hug her hard.

27. Worship her breasts.

28. Give her jewellery.

29. Hand her two towels when she gets out of the shower. (The second one is for her hair.)

30. Ask her specific questions about her work.

31. Keep her favourite cereal on hand.

32. In the middle of a conversation, tell her you love her.

33. Send her very expensive flowers when you screw up.

34. Take her to a cabin with a fireplace. Build her a fire.

35. Moan her name when she goes down on you.

36. Read her a story when it's her turn to drive during a long road trip.

37. Offer to fix something at her place that you realise is broken.

38. Notice when she's wearing something new.

39. Make love to her standing up, against a wall.

40. Kiss her hand in front of your most die-hard bachelor buddies.

Foot prints in the sand

One night a man had a dream. He dreamed He was walking along the beach with the Lord.

Across the sky flashed scenes from his life. For each scene he noticed two sets of Footprints in the sand: one belonging To him, and the other to the Lord.

When the last scene of his life flashed before him, He looked back at the footprints in the sand.

He noticed that many times along the path of His life there was only one set of footprints.

He also noticed that it happened at the very Lowest and saddest times in his life.

This really bothered him and he Questioned the Lord about it:

"Lord, you said that once I decided to follow You, you'd walk with me all the way.

But I have noticed that during the most Troublesome times in my life, There is only one set of footprints.

I don't understand why when I needed you most you would leave me."

The Lord replied:

"My son, my precious child, I love you and I would never leave you.

During your times of trial and suffering, When you see only one set of footprints, It was then that I carried you."

why men wear ear rings??

I have often wondered how this trend got started, I now have the answer.

A man is at work one day when he notices that his co-worker is wearing an earring.

This man knows his co-worker to be a normally conservative fellow, and is curious about his sudden change in "fashion sense."

The man walks up to him and says, "I didn't know you were into earrings."

"Don't make such a big deal, it's only an earring, "he replies sheepishly.

His friend falls silent for a few minutes, but then his curiosity prods him to say, "So, how long have you been wearing one?"

"Ever since my wife found it in my car."

Confidence & Self Esteem

Confidence and Self-Esteem were best friends. They went everywhere together. If Confidence bought a new dress, Self-Esteem bought one just like it. They were very close.

One day a new kid came to their school. His name was Peer Pressure. He had a friend called Hateful Words. They decided to give Confidence a hard time.

They constantly teased her. They forced her to do terrible things. It was so terrible that Confidence lost Self-Esteem. When Self-Esteem wanted to start some classes, Confidence said they wouldn't be any good.

Then one day, Peer Pressure introduced Confidence to Doubt. He wanted to ruin Confidence, but Peer Pressure said he couldn't yet. Self Esteem couldn't understand what was wrong with Confidence. Confidence now hung around with Depression, Low Self-Esteem, and Overeating.

These girls were friends of Peer Pressure. Self-Esteem no longer had any friends. She no longer felt good about herself. She went to see her Imaam. Imaam Good Words told her how to talk to Confidence. He introduced her to his daughter, Encouragement.

Encouragement and Self-Esteem went to find Confidence. Self Esteem hoped she wasn't too late. The girls found Confidence in a stupor. She was no longer a vibrant, happy young girl. There were dark circles under her eyes. She had gained so much weight from eating that she couldn't move.

Encouragement gasped and Self-Esteem cried. She begged Encouragement to do something.

Encouragement began to hug Confidence. She kissed her and loved her. She told her that she was a beautiful young lady who had a lot going for her.

Encouragement held Confidence so tightly that Self-Esteem thought she would smother her. Confidence began to cry. As she cried, she seemed to lose weight. Then a bright light suddenly glowed from Confidence and she began to smile.

Peer Pressure and his friends didn't like what Encouragement was doing and tried to attack her. They hit at her and pulled at her, but they couldn't pull her away from Confidence. Then Confidence began to speak.

"Get away from me, Peer Pressure. Take your friends and go. You no longer have any power over me." Confidence was now a glowing light. She and her friends made sure that Peer Pressure and his gang never bothered anyone in their town again.
***********
If you feel that Encouragement is not your friend, then try to find Encouragement in yourself. Self-Esteem and Confidence will follow.
***********

A Pillow & A Blanket

A long time ago, a young, wealthy girl was getting ready for bed. She was saying her prayers when she heard a muffled crying coming through her window. A little frightened, she went over to the window and leaned out. Another girl, who seemed to be about her age and homeless was standing in the alley by the rich girls house. Her heart went out to the homeless girl, for it was the dead of winter, and the girl had no blanket, only old newspapers someone had thrown out.

The rich girl was suddenly struck with a brilliant idea. She called to the other girl and said, "You there, come to my front door, please."

The homeless girl was so startled she could only manage to nod.

As quick as her legs could take her, the young girl ran down the hall to her mothers closet, and picked out an old quilt and a beat up pillow. She had to walk slower down to the front door as to not trip over the quilt which was hanging down, but she made it eventually. Dropping both the articles, she opened the door. Standing there was the homeless girl, looking quite scared. The rich girl smiled warmly and handed both articles to the other girl. Her smile grew wider as she watched the true amazement and happiness alight upon the other girl's face. She went to bed incredibly satisfied.

In mid-morning the next day a knock came to the door. The rich girl flew to the door hoping that it was the other little girl there. She opened the large door and looked outside. It was the other little girl. Her face looked happy, and she smiled. "I suppose you want these back."

The rich little girl opened her mouth to say that she could keep them when another idea popped into her head. "No, I want them back."

The homeless girl's face fell. This was obviously not the answer she had hoped for. She reluctantly laid down the beat up things, and turned to leave when the rich girl yelled, "Wait! Stay right there." She turned in time to see the rich girl running up the stairs and down a long corridor. Deciding whatever the rich little girl was doing wasn't worth waiting for she started to turn around and walk away. As her foot hit the first step, she felt someone tap her on the shoulder, turning she saw the rich little girl, thrusting a new blanket and pillow at her. "Have these." she said quietly.

These were her own personal belonging made of silk and down feathers.

As the two grew older they didn't see each other much, but they were never far from each other's minds. One day, the Rich girl, who was now a Rich woman got a telephone call from someone. A lawyer, saying that she was requested to see him. When she arrived at the office, he told her what had happened. Forty years ago, when she was nine years old, she had helped a little girl in need. That grew into a middle-class woman with a husband and two children. She had recently died and left something for her in her will. "Though," the lawyer said, "it's the most peculiar thing. She left you a pillow and a blanket."

Wedding Rehearsal

During the wedding rehearsal, the groom approached the preacher with an unusual offer.

"Look, I'll give you $100 if you'll change the wedding vows. When you get to me and the part where I'm to promise to "love, honor and cherish" and "forsaking all others, be faithful to her forever," I'd appreciate it if you'd just leave that part out." He passed the minister a $100 bill and walked away satisfied.

It is now the day of the wedding, and the bride and groom have moved to that part of the ceremony where the vows are exchanged. When it comes time for the groom's vows, the preacher looks the young man in the eye and says:

"Will you promise to prostrate yourself before her, obey her every command and wish, serve her breakfast in bed every morning of your life and vow eternally before God and your lovely wife that you will not ever even look at another woman, as long as you both shall live?"

The groom gulped and looked around, and said in a tiny voice, "Yes."

The groom leaned toward the preacher and whispered: "I thought we had a deal."

The preacher put the $100 bill into his hand and whispered back: "She made me a much better offer."

Fisherman

There is this Fisherman, Let's call him Vishy (rhymes with Fishy).

Vishy goes out fishing each morning, casts his net and gathers his catch and sells them in the market and makes a living out of it.

On one occasion he gets up too early and sleep eludes him. So he decides to go fishing any way it's too dark to go fishing so he strolls by the Bank of the River and waits for the Sun to appear he stumbles upon a sack.

This sack is a bit heavy and there were some pebbles in it Now, when u have a river and a sack of pebbles and a lot of time to kill, the logical thing to do is to throw the pebbles into the river Vishy did just the same He tried all the things we do Throwing it as far as possible, as high as possible, make the pebbles bounce as many times an possible.....

Now with just one stone remaining, the sun rose the stone in his hand began to glow as well damn! The stone was a diamond!!!!

That's when he realized that all those pebbles he had thrown away were actually Precious Stones!!!

Moral is ...



.



.



.



.



.



.



.



.



.



.



.



.



.



.



.



.



.



.



.



.



.



.



.



.



.



.



.



.



.



.



.



.



.



.



.



.



.



.



.











Don't get up too early in the morning :-)

Funny 10 phone answering mesaages

10. My wife and I can't come to the phone right now, but if you'll leave your name and number, we'll get back to you as soon as we're finished.

9. Hello, you are talking to a machine. I am capable of receiving messages. My owners do not need siding, windows or a hot tub, and their carpets are clean. They give to charity at the office and don't need their picture taken. If you're still with me, leave your name and home phone number and they will get back to you.

8. This is not an answering machine - this is a telepathic thought-recording device. After the tone, think about your name, your number, and your reason for calling..... And I'll think about returning your call.

7. Hi! John's answering machine is broken. This is his refrigerator. Please speak very slowly, and I'll stick your message to myself with one of these magnets.

6. Hi. This is John: If you are the phone company, I already sent the money. If you are my parents, please send money. If you are my bank, you didn't lend me enough money. If you are my friends, you owe me money. If you are a female, don't worry, I have LOTS of money.

5. A is for academics, B is for beer. One of those reasons is why we're not here. So, leave a message.

4. Hello! If you leave a message, I'll call you soon. If you leave a "sexy" message, I'll call sooner.

3. Hi. Now YOU say something.

2. Hi. I'm probably home; I'm just avoiding someone I don't like. Leave me a message, and if I don't call back, it's you.

1. Hello, you've reached Jim and Sonya. We can't pick up the phone right now, because we're doing something we really enjoy. Sonya likes doing it up and down, and I like doing it left to right...real slow. So leave a message, and when we're done brushing our teeth, we'll call you back

Women are so much smarter

When Dan found out he was going to inherit a fortune when his sickly father died, he decided he needed a woman to enjoy it with.

So, one evening he went to a singles bar where he spotted the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. Her natural beauty took his breath away.

"I may look like just an ordinary man," he said as he walked up to her, "but in just a week or two, my father will die, and I'll inherit 20 million dollars."

Impressed, the woman went home with him that evening and, three days later, she became his stepmother.

( Women are so much smarter than men! )

My Mother's Teachings!!!!

My Mother taught me LOGIC... "If you fall off that swing and break your neck, you can't go to the store with me."

My Mother taught me TO THINK AHEAD... "If you don't pass your spelling test, you'll never get a good job!"

My Mother taught me ESP... "Put your sweater on; don't you think that I know when you're cold?"

My Mother taught me TO MEET A CHALLENGE... "What were you thinking? Answer me when I talk to you...Don't talk back to me!"

My Mother taught me HUMOR... "When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."

My Mother taught me how to BECOME AN ADULT... "If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up.

My mother taught me about GENETICS... "You are just like your father!"

My mother taught me about my ROOTS... "Do you think you were born in a barn?"

My mother taught me about the WISDOM of AGE... "When you get to be my age, you will understand."

My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION... "Just wait until your father gets home."

My mother taught me about RECEIVING... You are going to get it when we get home and my all time favorite thing:

My mother taught me about JUSTICE... "One day you will have kids, and I hope they turn out just like YOU..then you'll see what it's like."

Nicknote: And ya know what ? EVERY Mom has probably said that last one. And it works out just the way she hoped......

SELFLESS LOVE

My wife called, 'How long will you be with that newspaper? Will you come here and make your darling daughter eat her food?

I tossed the paper away and rushed to the scene. My only daughter, Sindu, looked frightened; tears were welling up in her eyes. In front of her was a bowl filled to its brim with curd rice. Sindu is a nice child, quite intelligent for her age.

I cleared my throat and picked up the bowl. 'Sindu darling, why don't you take a few mouthful of this curd rice? Just for Dad's sake dear.

Sindu softened a bit and wiped her tears with the back of her hands. 'Ok, Dad. I will eat - not just a few mouthfuls, but the whole lot of this. But, you should...' Sindu hesitated. 'Dad, if I eat this entire curd Rice, will you give me whatever I ask for?'

'Promise'. I covered the pink soft hand extended by my daughter with mine, and clinched the deal. Now I became a bit anxious. 'Sindu, dear, you shouldn't insist on getting a computer or any such expensive items. Dad does not have that kind of money right now. Ok?'

'No, Dad. I do not want anything expensive'. Slowly and painfully, she finished eating the whole quantity. I was silently angry with my wife and my mother for forcing my child to eat something that she detested.

After the ordeal was through, Sindu came to me with her eyes wide with expectation. All our attention was on her.

'Dad, I want to have my head shaved off, this Sunday!' was her demand.

'Atrocious!' shouted my wife, 'A girl child having her head shaved off? Impossible!'

'Never in our family!' My mother rasped. 'She has been watching too much of television. Our culture is getting totally spoiled with these TV programs!'

'Sindu, darling, why don't you ask for something else? We will be sad seeing you with a clean-shaven head.'

'Please, Sindu, why don't you try to understand our feelings?' I tried to plead with her.

'Dad, you saw how difficult it was for me to eat that Curd Rice'. Sindu was in tears. 'And you promised to grant me whatever I ask for. Now, you are going back on your words. Was it not you who told me the story of King Harishchandra, and its moral that we should honor our promises no matter what?'

It was time for me to call the shots. 'Our promise must be kept.'

'Are you out of your mind?' chorused my mother and wife.

'No. If we go back on our promises, she will never learn to honour her own. Sindu, your wish will be fulfilled.'

With her head clean-shaven, Sindu had a round-face, and her eyes looked big and beautiful.

On Monday morning, I dropped her at her school. It was a sight to watch my hairless Sindu walking towards her classroom. She turned around and waved. I waved back with a smile. Just then, a boy alighted from a car, and shouted, 'Sinduja, please wait for me!' What struck me was the hairless head of that boy. 'May be, that is the in-stuff', I thought.

'Sir, your daughter Sinduja is great indeed!' Without introducing herself, a lady got out of the car, and continued, 'that boy who is walking along with your daughter is my son Harish. He is suffering from... leukemia'. She paused to muffle her sobs. 'Harish could not attend the school for the whole of the last month. He lost all his hair due to the side effects of the chemotherapy. He refused to come back to school fearing the unintentional but cruel teasing of the schoolmates. Sinduja visited him last week, and promised him that she will take care of the teasing issue. But, I never imagined she would sacrifice her lovely hair for the sake of my son! Sir, you and your wife are blessed to have such a noble soul as your daughter.'

I stood transfixed and then, I wept. 'My little Angel, you are teaching me how selfless real love is!'

The happiest people on this planet are not those who live on their own terms but are those who change their terms for the ones whom they love....

WHY AM I MARRIED?

You have two choices in life:
You can stay single and be miserable,
or get married and wish you were dead.
__________
At a cocktail party, one woman said to another,
'Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?'
'Yes, I am. I married the wrong man.'
__________
A lady inserted an ad in the classifieds:
'Husband Wanted'.
Next day she received a hundred letters.
They all said the same thing:
'You can have mine.'
__________
When a woman steals your husband,
there is no better revenge than to let her keep him.
__________
A woman is incomplete until she is married. Then she is finished .
__________
A little boy asked his father,
'Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?'
Father replied, 'I don't know son, I'm still paying.'
__________
A young son asked,
'Is it true Dad, that in some parts of Africa
a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?'
Dad replied, 'That happens in every country, son.'
__________
Then there was a woman who said,
'I never knew what real happiness
was until I got married,
and by then, it was too late.'
__________
Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.
__________
If you want your spouse to listen and
pay strict attention to every word you say -- talk in your sleep.
__________
Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at
all.
__________
First guy says, 'My wife's an angel!'
Second guy remarks, 'You're lucky, mine's still alive.'
__________
'A Woman's Prayer:
Dear Lord, I pray for: Wisdom, To understand a man , to Love and to forgive him , and for patience, For his moods. Because Lord, if I pray for Strength I'll just beat him to death'
__________
AND NOW FOR THE FAVORITE!!!
Husband
and wife are waiting at the bus stop with their nine children. A blind man joins them after a few minutes. When the bus arrives, they find it overloaded and only the wife and the nine kids are able to fit onto the bus.

So the husband and the blind man decide to walk. After a while, the husband gets irritated by the ticking of the stick of the blind man as he taps it on the sidewalk, and says to him, 'Why don't you put a piece of rubber at the end of your stick? That ticking sound is driving me crazy.'

The blind man replies, 'If you had put a rubber at the end of YOUR stick, we'd be riding the bus, so shut the hell up.'

Five More Minutes.

While at the park one day, a woman sat down next to a man on a bench near a playground. That's my son over there, she said, pointing to a little boy in a red sweater who was gliding down the slide.

He's a fine looking boy, the man said. That's my son on the swing in the blue sweater. Then, looking at his watch, he called to his son. What do you say we go, Todd

Todd pleaded, Just five more minutes, Dad. Please Just five more minutes. The man nodded and Todd continued to swing to his heart's content.

Minutes passed and the father stood and called again to his son. Time to go now Again Todd pleaded, Five more minutes, Dad. Just five more minutes.

The man smiled and said, O.K.

My, you certainly are a patient father, the woman responded.

The man smiled and then said, My older son Tommy was killed by a drunk driver last year while he was riding his bike near here. I never spent much time with Tommy and now I'd give anything for just five more minutes with him. I've vowed not to make the same mistake with Todd. He thinks he has five more minutes to swing. The truth is, I get Five more minutes to watch

Proof that gils are evil

Let i will try to prove why women are evil.
As stated theory before, lets prove now.

EXPRESSION 1: Grils = Time * Money.

Yes Time is Previous, when a man meet his soulmate because of Good time and fortune.
Yes Money is important. When a man meet his soulmate with good time, he need money to pove hime self a good, decent social resposible person.

Expression 2: Time = Money.

Yes Time is euqal to money. When a man meet his soulmate because of good time. And he marry his soulmate he get dowry in terms of money.

Expression 3: Girls = Money * money = 2(Money).

Yes when a man get his soul mate he gets 2 times the happness in terms of money and proud.

Expression 4: Money = SquareRoot(Evil).

Yes, when a man after marrying her, lavishly enjoying with her phisically and her money. He gets bore try to flirt with some other women so he needs some money, need some money then man should become evil.

Expression 4: Girls = SquareRoot(Evil), therefore, Girls = Evil.

Yes Girls equal to evil, when man takes adharma (wrong path) then same women comes as a evil to destory him and save the society. Rember the great divine mother kali destroyed Mahishasur. So only women can challenge evils and a ordinary women is much power full to a dirty evil.

So from this theory we came to know that mens should be good and loyal to women or woman will become 2 times than evil and kick stupid. idoit mens ass who dont understand the value of women.

The Gossip

A woman repeated a bit of gossip about a neighbor. Within a few days the whole community knew the story.

The person it concerned was deeply hurt and offended.

Later the woman responsible for spreading the rumor learned that it was completely untrue.

She was very sorry and went to a wise old sage to find out what she could do to repair the damage.
"Go to the marketplace," he said, "and purchase a chicken, and have it killed. Then on your way home, pluck its feathers and drop them one by one along the road."

Although surprised by this advice, the woman did what she was told.

The next day the wise man said, "Now go and collect all those feathers you dropped yesterday and bring them back to me."

The woman followed the same road, but to her dismay, the wind had blown the feathers all away. After searching for hours, she returned with only three in her hand.

"You see," said the old sage, "it's easy to drop them, but it's impossible to get them back.

So it is with gossip. It doesn't take much to spread a rumor, but once you do, you can never completely undo the wrong."

Student Report Cards

These are real comments made by teachers on their student report cards.

1. Since my last report, your child has hit rock bottom and has started to dig.

2. I would not allow this student to breed.

3. Your child has delusions of adequacy.

4. Your child is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.

5. Your son sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them.

6. The student has a "full six-pack" but lacks the plastic thing to hold it all together.

7. This child has been working with glue too much.

8. When your daughter's IQ reaches 50, she should sell.

9. The gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming.

10. If this student were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week.

11. It's impossible to believe the sperm that created this child beat out 1,000,000 others.

12. The wheel is turning but the hamster is dead

Ocean of Beer

Mr. Bear and Mr. Rabbit didn't like each other very much and one day, whilst they were walking through the woods they came across a golden frog. The frog turned to them and said: "Ooh, I don't often meet anyone in these parts." They were amazed that the frog had talked to them.

The golden frog admitted: "Mind you, when I do meet someone I always give them six wishes. You can have three wishes each in this case.

Mr. Bear immediately wished that all the other bears in the forest were females. The frog granted his wish.

Mr. Rabbit, after thinking for a while, wished for a crash helmet. One appeared immediately, and he placed it on his head.

Mr. Bear was amazed at Mr. Rabbit's wish, but carried on with his second wish. He wished that all the bears in the neighboring forests were females as well, and the frog granted his wish.

Mr. Rabbit then wished for a motorcycle. It appeared before him, and he climbed on board and started revving the engine.

Mr. Bear could not believe it and complained that Mr. Rabbit had wasted two wishes that he could have had for himself. Shaking his head, Mr. Bear made his final wish, that all the other bears in the world were females as well, leaving him as the only male bear in the world.

The frog replied that it had been done, and they both turned to Mr. Rabbit for his last wish.

Mr. Rabbit revved the engine, thought for a second, then said: "I wish that Mr. Bear was gay!" and rode off as fast as he could!

The Loyal Wife!

There was a man who had worked all of his life, had saved all of his money, and was a real miser when it came to his money.

Just before he died, he said to his wife, "When I die, I want you to take all my money and put it in the casket with me. I want to take my money to the +after-life+ with me."

And so he got his wife to promise him with all of her heart that when he died, she would put all of the money in the casket with him. Well, he died...

He was stretched out in the casket, his wife was sitting there in black, and her friend was sitting next to her. When they finished the ceremony, just before the undertakers got ready to close the casket, the wife said, "Wait, just a minute!"

She had a box with her, she came over with the box and put it in the casket. Then the undertakers locked the casket down, and they rolled it away.

Her friend said, "I know you weren't fool enough to put all that money in there in the casket with your husband."

The loyal wife replied, "Listen, I can't go back on my word. I promised him that I was going to put that money in that casket with him."

"You mean to tell me you put that money in the casket with him !!! ?"

"I sure did" said the wife. "I got it all together, put it into my account and wrote him a cheque. If he can cash it, he can spend it."

Husbands are Husbands!!!!!

A man was sitting reading his papers when his wife hit him round the Head with a frying pan.

"What was that for?" the man asked.

The wife replied "That was for the piece of paper with the name Julie on it that I found in your pants pocket".

The man then said "When I was at the races last week Julie was the name of the horse I bet on"

The wife apologized and went on with the housework.

Three days later the man is watching TV when his wife bashes him on the head with an even bigger frying pan, knocking him unconscious.

Upon re-gaining consciousness the man asked why she had hit again.

Wife replied. "Your horse called up !!!!"

The Fern and the Bamboo

One day I decided to quit.... I quit my job, my relationship, my spirituality. ...

I wanted to quit my life.

I went to the woods to have one last talk with God.

"God", I said. "Can you give me one good reason not to quit?"

His answer surprised me...
"Look around", He said. "Do you see the fern and the bamboo?"

"Yes", I replied.

"When I planted the fern and the bamboo seeds, I took very good care of them.

I gave them light. I gave them water.

The fern quickly grew from the earth. Its brilliant green covered the floor.

Yet nothing came from the bamboo seed. But I did not quit on the bamboo.

In the second year the Fern grew more vibrant and plentiful.

And again, nothing came from the bamboo seed.

But I did not quit on the bamboo".

He said. "In the third year, there was still nothing from the bamboo seed.

But I would not quit.

In the fourth year, again, there was nothing from the bamboo seed.

I would not quit."

He said. "Then in the fifth year a tiny sprout emerged from the earth.

Compared to the fern it was seemingly small and insignificant.

But just 6 months later the bamboo rose to over 100 Feet tall.

It had spent the five years growing roots. Those roots made it strong and gave it what it needed to survive.

I would not give any of my creations a challenge it could not handle."

He said to me. "Did you know, my child, that all this time you have been struggling, you have actually been growing roots. I Would not quit on the bamboo. I will never quit on you. Don't compare yourself to others."

He said. "The bamboo had a different purpose than the Fern, yet, they both make the forest beautiful."

"Your time will come, "God said to me." You will rise high!"

"How high should I rise?" I asked.

"How high will the bamboo rise?" He asked in return.

"As high as it can?" I questioned.

"Yes." He said, "Give me glory by rising as high as you can."

I left the forest and brought back this story.

I hope these words can help you see that God will never give up on you........

Kingfisher -The King Of Good Times

After an international beer conference in London, all the world's top brewery bosses decide to go out for a beer together.

The Chairman of Budweiser says, "I'd like the most refreshing beer in the world, 'The King Of Beers': give me a Budweiser."

The bartender takes a bottle from the shelf and opens it for him .

The Chairman of Guiness says, "I'd like the only beer in the world worth really, truly waiting for: give me a Guinness."

The bartender serves him.
The Chairman of Carlsberg says, " I would like the world's best beer, drunk in more countries than any other: give me a Carlsberg."

He gets it.

Vijay Mallaya sits down, looks around and says, "Just give me a Coke."

The bartender looks at him, shrugs, and serves him.

The other brewery bosses laugh loudly and say, "Hey Vijay, how come you aren't drinking a Kingfisher?"

"Listen," says Vijay Mallya, "If you guys aren't drinking beer, neither will I"

God created

God created the donkey and said to him.
"You will be a donkey. You will work un-tiringly from sunrise to sunset carrying burdens on your back. You will eat grass, you will have no intelligence and you will live 50 years."

The donkey answered: "I will be a donkey, but to live 50 years is much. Give me only 20 years"
God granted his wish.
*******
God created the dog and said to him:
"You will guard the house of man. You will be his best Friend.
You will eat the scraps that he gives you and you will live 30 years.
You will be a dog. "

The dog answered: "Sir, to live 30 years is too much,give me only 15 years."
God granted his wish.
*******

God created the monkey and said to him:
"You will be a monkey. You will swing from branch to branch doing tricks.
You will be amusing and you will live 20 years. "

The monkey answered: "To live 20 years is too much, give me only 10 years."
God granted his wish.
*******

Finally God created man ... and said to him:
"You will be man, the only rational creature on the face of the earth.

You will use your intelligence to become master over all the animals.
You will dominate the world and you will live 20 years."
*******

Man responded: "Sir, I will be a man but to live only 20 years is very little, give me the 30 years that the donkey refused, the 15 years that the dog did not want and the 10 years the monkey refused."
God granted man's wish
*******

And since then, man lives 20 years as a man ,
marries and spends 30 years like a donkey,
working and carrying all the burdens on his back.

Then when his children are grown,
he lives 15 years like a dog taking care of the house and eating whatever is given to him,
so that when he is old,

he can retire and live 10 years like a monkey,
going from house to house and from one son or daughter to another doing tricks to amuse his grandchildren.

That's Life. Is'nt it ??????????

A red rose

A man stopped at a flower shop to order some flowers to be wired to his mother who lived two hundred miles away.

As he got out of his car he noticed a young girl sitting on the curb sobbing. He asked her what was wrong and she replied, "I wanted to buy a red rose for my mother. But I only have seventy-five cents, and a rose costs two dollars."

The man smiled and said, "Come on in with me. I'll buy you a rose." He bought the little girl her rose and ordered his own mother's flowers.

As they were leaving he offered the girl a ride home. She said, "Yes, please! You can take me to my mother." She directed him to a cemetery, where she placed the rose on a freshly dug grave.

The man returned to the flower shop, canceled the wire order, picked up a bouquet and drove the two hundred miles to his mother's house.

******

Moral: Don't Send Artificial Loves to your parents. Give them the respect and courtesy they desire. They are your most precious Treasure, Care for them. God Forbid, if they leave this world then one can do nothing but regret.
******

Confidence level

Story told by a man which is most frightening yet thought-provoking experiences of his life.

He had been on a long flight. The first warning of the approaching problems came when the sign on the airplane flashed on: "Fasten your seat belts."

Then, after a while, a calm voice said, "We shall not be serving the beverages at this time as we are expecting a little turbulence. Please be sure your seat belt is fastened."

As he looked around the aircraft, it became obvious that many of the passengers were becoming apprehensive. Later, the voice of the announcer said, "We are so sorry that we are unable to serve the meal at this time. The turbulence is still ahead of us."

And then the storm broke. The ominous cracks of thunder could be heard even above the roar of the engines. Lightening lit up the darkening skies and within moments that great plane was like a cork tossed around on a celestial ocean. One moment the airplane was lifted on terrific currents of air; the next, it dropped as if it were about to crash.

The man confessed that he shared the discomfort and fear of those around him. He said, "As I looked around the plane, I could see that nearly all the passengers were upset and alarmed. Some were praying.

The future seemed ominous and many were wondering if they would make it through the storm. And then, I suddenly saw a girl to whom the storm meant nothing. She had tucked her feet beneath her as she sat on her seat and was reading a book.

Everything within her small world was calm and orderly. Sometimes she closed her eyes, then she would read again; then she would straighten her legs, but worry and fear were not in her world. When the plane was being buffeted by the terrible storm, when it lurched this way and that, as it rose and fell with frightening severity, when all the adults were scared half to death, that marvelous child was completely composed and unafraid."

The man could hardly believe his eyes. It was not surprising therefore, that when the plane finally reached its destination and all the passengers were hurrying to disembark, he lingered to speak to the girl whom he had watched for such a long time.

Having commented about the storm and behavior of the plane, he asked why she had not been afraid.

The sweet child replied,

"Sir, my Dad is the pilot and he is taking me home."

When you are sure of your self, your confident level is steady and you are never shaky you do the things calmly and successfully.

Pearls

Jenny was a bright-eyed, pretty five-year-old girl.

One day when she and her mother were checking out at the grocery store, Jenny saw a plastic pearl necklace priced at $2.50. How she wanted that necklace and when she asked her mother if she would buy it for her, her mother said, "Well, it is a pretty necklace, but it costs an awful lot of money. I'll tell you what. I'll buy you the necklace, and when we get home we can make up a list of chores that you can do to pay for the necklace. And don't forget that for your birthday Grandma just might give you a whole dollar bill, too. Okay?"

Jenny agreed, and her mother bought the pearl necklace for her. Jenny worked on her chores very hard every day, and sure enough, her Grandma gave her a brand new dollar bill for her birthday. Soon Jenny had paid off the pearls.

How Jenny loved those pearls. She wore them everywhere to kindergarten, bed, and when she went out with her mother to run errands. The only time she didn't wear them was in the shower - her mother had told her that they would turn her neck green. Now Jenny had a very loving daddy. When Jenny went to bed, he would get up from his favorite chair every night and read Jenny her favorite story. One night when he finished the story, he said, "Jenny, do you love me?"

"Oh yes, Daddy, you know I love you," the little girl said.

"Well, then, give me your pearls."

"Oh! Daddy, not my pearls!" Jenny said. "But you can have Rosie, my favorite doll. Remember her? You gave her to me last year for my birthday. And you can have her tea party outfit, too. Okay?"

"Oh no, darling, that's okay." Her father brushed her cheek with a kiss. "Good night, little one."

A week later, her father once again asked Jenny after her story, "Do you love me?"

"Oh yes, Daddy, you know I love you."

"Well, then, give me your pearls."

"Oh, Daddy, not my pearls! But you can have Ribbons, my toy horse. Do you remember her? She's my favorite. Her hair is so soft, and you can play with it and braid it and everything. You can have Ribbons if you want her, Daddy," the little girl said to her father.

"No, that's okay," her father said and brushed her cheek again with a kiss. "God bless you, little one. Sweet dreams."

Several days later, when Jenny's father came in to read her a story, Jenny was sitting on her bed and her lip was trembling. "Here, Daddy," she said, and held out her hand. She opened it and her beloved pearl necklace was inside. She let it slip into her father's hand. With one hand her father held the plastic pearls and with the other he pulled out of his pocket a blue velvet box.

Inside of the box were real, genuine, beautiful pearls.

He had them all along. He was waiting for Jenny to give up the cheap stuff so he could give her the real thing. So it is with our Heavenly Father. He is waiting for us to give up the cheap things in our lives so that he can give us beautiful treasure. Isn't God good?

Are you holding onto things which God wants you to let go of?

Are you holding onto harmful or unnecessary partners, relationships, habits and activities which you have become so attached to that it seems impossible to let go?

Sometimes it is so hard to see what is in the other hand but do believe this one thing.................

God will never take away something without giving you something better in its place.

The Bathtub Test

It doesn't hurt to take a hard look at yourself from time to time, and this should help get you started.

During a visit to the mental asylum, a visitor asked the Director what the criterion was which defined whether or not a patient should be institutionalised.

'Well,' said the Director, 'we fill up a bathtub, and then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub.'

'Oh, I understand,' said the visitor. 'A normal person would use the bucket because it's bigger than the spoon or the teacup.'

'No.' said the Director, 'A normal person would pull the plug.

Do you want a bed near the window?'

Kids View of Marriage and Relationships

HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHO TO MARRY?
"You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming." Alan, age 10

"No person really decides before they grow up who they're going to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you're stuck with." Kirsten, age 10
*******

WHAT IS THE RIGHT AGE TO GET MARRIED?
"Twentythree is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by then." Camille, age 10

"No age is good to get married at. You got to be a fool to get married." Freddie, age 6
*******

HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE MARRIED?
"Married people usually look happy to talk to other people." Eddie, 6

"You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids." Derrick, age 8
*******

WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MOM AND DAD HAVE IN COMMON?
"Both don't want no more kids." Lori, age 8
*******

WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE?
"Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough. Lynnette, age 8.

"On the first date, they just tell each other lies, and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date." Martin, age 10
*******

WHAT WOULD YOU DO ON A FIRST DATE THAT WAS TURNING SOUR?
"I'd run home and play dead. The next day I would call all the newspapers and make sure they wrote about me in all the dead columns." Craig, age 9
*******

WHEN IS IT OK TO KISS SOMEONE?
"When they're rich." Pam, age 7

"The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn't want to mess with that." Curt, age 7

"The rule goes like this: if you kiss someone, then you should marry them and have kids with them. It's the right thing to do." Howard, age 8
*******

IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED?
"It's better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need someone to clean up after them." Anita, 9

"Single is better, for the simple reason that I wouldn't want to change no diapers. Of course, if I did get married, I'd just phone my mother and have her come over for some coffee and diaperchanging." Kirsten, age 10
*******

HOW WOULD THE WORLD BE DIFFERENT IF PEOPLE DIDN'T GET MARRIED?
"There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn't there?" Kelvin, age 8

"You can be sure of one thing the boys would come chasing after us just the same as they do now." Roberta, age 7
*******

HOW WOULD YOU MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK?
"Tell your wife that she looks pretty even if she looks like a truck." Ricky, age 10

Amazingly true and hilarious

In the world of romance, one single rule applies to men:

Make the woman happy. Do something she likes, and you get points.

Do something she dislikes and points are subtracted.

You don't get any points for doing something she expects.

Sorry, that's the way the game is played.

Here is a guide to the point system:

***********

SIMPLE DUTIES

You make the bed (+1)

You make the bed, but forget the decorative pillow (0)

You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets (-1)

You go out to buy her what she wants (+5) In the rain (+8) But return with Beer (-5)

You check out a suspicious noise at night (0)

You check out a suspicious noise, and it is nothing (0)

You check out a suspicious noise and it is something (+5)

You pummel it with iron rod (+10)

It's her pet (-10)

***********

SOCIAL ENGAGEMENTS

You stay by her side the entire party (0)

You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a college buddy (-2)

Named Rita (-4)

Rita is a dancer (-6)

Rita is single and is really beautiful (-80)

***********

HER BIRTHDAY

You forget her birthday (-50000)

You take her out to dinner (0)

You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar (+1)

Okay, it's a sports bar (-2)

And it's all-you-can-eat night (-3)

It's a sports bar, it's all-you-can-eat night, and your face is painted the colours of your favourite team (-10)

***********

A NIGHT OUT

You take her to a movie (+2)

You take her to a movie she likes (+4)

You take her to a movie you hate (+6)

You take her to a movie you like (-2)

It's called 'DeathCop' (-3)

You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans (-15)

***********

ENJOY THE 'BIG' QUESTION

She asks, "Do I look fat?" (-5) [Yes, you LOSE points no matter WHAT]

You hesitate in responding (-10)

You reply, "Where?" (-35)

Any other response (-20)

***********

COMMUNICATION

When she wants to talk about a problem , you listen, displaying what looks

Like a concerned __expression (0)

You listen, for over 30 minutes (+50)

You listen for more than 30 minutes without looking at the TV (+500)

She realizes this is because you have fallen asleep (-10000)

Now what chance do you have???

Pass it on to the poor fellas for info & to the gals for a good laugh !

***********

I knew you would come

There were two childhood buddies who went through school and college and even joined the army together. War broke out and they were fighting in the same unit. One night they were ambushed.

Bullets were flying all over and out of the darkness came a voice, "Harry, please come and help me."

Harry immediately recognized the voice of his childhood buddy, Bill. He asked the captain if he could go.

The captain said, "No, I can't let you go, I am already short-handed and I cannot afford to lose one more person. Besides, the way Bill sounds he is not going to make it." Harry kept quiet.

Again the voice came, "Harry, please come and help me." Harry sat quietly because the captain had refused earlier.

Again and again the voice came.

Harry couldn't contain himself any longer and told the captain, "Captain, this is my childhood buddy. I have to go and help."

The captain reluctantly let him go. Harry crawled through the darkness and dragged Bill back into the trench. They found that Bill was dead.

Now the captain got angry and shouted at Harry, "Didn't I tell you he was not going to make it? He is dead, you could have been killed and I could have lost a hand. That was a mistake."

Harry replied, "Captain, I did the right thing. When I reached Bill he was still alive and his last words were 'Harry, I knew you would come."'

The Cart Horse & The Donkey

Once upon a time there were two cart-horses. They worked together for many years, pulling the cart of a peasant. Over the years, they often argued with each other, complaining that the other was not keeping to its side, or was going just a little too quickly or just a little too slow.

One day, one of the two horses suddenly died.

The remaining horse was very upset about this.

It realized that in all the time that they had worked together, it had not once told the other horse how much it valued its company and its faithful help in pulling the cart. Now the chance was gone forever.

The horse also reflected on all the squabbles they had had. It suddenly understood that it need not have taken offence as easily as it had done, that it need not have borne as many grudges, that it could have been less arrogant, in short, it realized that it had wasted all the energy that had been available for friendship and kindness on unworthy and unnecessary thoughts and emotions.

The horse was ashamed and resolved to lead a different life in future. Whoever its new partner was going to be, things were going to be different.

But time passed, and the horse forgot. One day, it caught itself in exactly the same kind of behavior that it had sworn never to engage in again.

The horse could not understand why it had returned to its old ways.

That evening, in the stable, the horse decided to seek out the peasant's donkey, which had a reputation for wisdom among the animals.

The donkey listened to the horse's story. Eventually, it replied. "It is good that you have noticed what has happened. If you truly want to change, this is possible; but it will, for a long time, cost you your peace of mind. Are you prepared to accept this?"

The horse replied that it definitely did not want to return to its old ways. Anything was better than that.

So the donkey continued, "There is one very simple, and at the same time very hard thing that you have to do. Remember every day that one day, perhaps today, perhaps many years from now, you will die.

Remember every day that the horse next to you will die.

Remember every day that every other creature you will see, will one day die.

Remember that all animals alive today are part of a wave, which will soon break and be lost on the beach forever, to be followed by a new wave, and another, and another.

No wave is permanent. The only thing that is permanent is the ocean."

There were tears in the horse's eyes.

The donkey continued, "Only if you remember death will you become strong-willed and alert enough not to postpone love. This is my advice to you, and in following it, perhaps one day you may come to know that which is deathless."

WOMEN AND GOD

A middle aged woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital.

While on the operating table she had a near death experience.

Seeing God She asked "Is my time up?" God said, "No, you have another 43 years, 2 months and 8 days to live"

Upon recovery,the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a Facelift, liposuction, and a tummy tuck. She even had someone come in and change her hair color.

Since she had so much more time to live, she figured she might as well make the most of it.

After her last operation, she was released from the hospital. While crossing the street on her way home,she was killed by an ambulance.

Arriving in front of God, she demanded, "I thought you said I had another 40 years? Why didn't you pull me from out of the path of the ambulance?"



(You'll love this!!!)
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

God replied,

"I didn't recognize you."

Why I am Glad to be a Women !

* We got off the Titanic first.

* There are times when chocolate really can solve all your problems.

* We have enough sense to realize that the easiest way to get out of being lost is to ask for directions.

* We don't have to fart to amuse ourselves.

* We get to flirt with systems support men who always return our calls, and are nice to us when we blow up our computers.

* Our boyfriend's clothes make us look elfin & gorgeous. Guys look like complete idiots in ours.

* Men die earlier, so we get to cash in on the life insurance.

* Free drinks, Free dinners, Free movies ... ( You got the point? ).

* We can hug our friends without wondering if she thinks we're gay.

* We can hug our friends without wondering if WE'RE gay!

* We can congratulate our team-mate without ever touching her butt.

* We never have to reach down every so often to make sure our privates are still there.

A Story

One fine day, an old couple around the age of 70, walks into a lawyer's office.

Apparently, they are there to file a divorce.Lawyer was very puzzled, after having a chat with them, he got their story....

This couple had been quarreling all their 40 over yrs of marriage nothing ever seems to go right.They hang on because of their children, afraid that it might affect their up-bringing. Now, all their children have already grown up, have their own family, there's nothing else the old couple have to worry about, all they wanted is to lead their own life free from all these years of unhappiness from their marriage, so both agree on a divorce....

Lawyer was having a hard time trying to get the papers done, because he felt that after 40 yrs of marriage at the age of 70, he couldn't understand why the old couple would still want a divorce..

While they were signing the papers, the wife told the husband..

"I really love u, but I really cant carry on anymore, I'm sorry.."

"Its o.k, I understand.." said the husband. Lookin at this, the lawyer suggested a dinner together, just 3 of them,wife thought, why not, since they are still gonna be friends..

At the dining table, there was a silence of awkardness.

The first dish was roasted chicken, immediately, the old man took the drumstick for the old lady.."take this, its your favourite.."

Looking at this, the lawyer thought maybe theres still a chance, but the wife was frowning when she answer.."This is always the problem, you always think so highly of yourself, never thought about how I feel, don't you know that I hate drumsticks?"

Little did she know that, over the years, the husband have been trying all ways to please her, little did she know that drumsticks was the husband's favourite. Little did he know that she never thought he understand her at all, little did he know that she hates drummsticks even though all he wants is the best for her.

That night, both of them couldn't sleep, toss and turn, toss and turn...after hours, the old man couldn't take it anymore, he knows that he still loves her, and he cant carry on life without her, he wants her back, he wants to tell her, he is sorry, he wanted to tell her "I love you"...

He picks up the phone, starting dialing her number....ringing never stops..he never stop dialing....On the other side, she was sad, she couldn't understand how come after all these years, he still doesn't understand her at all, she loves him a lot, but she just cant take it anymore....phone's ringing, she refuses to answer knowing that its him..."whats the point of talking now that its over...I have ask for it and now I wanna keep it this way, if not I will lose face.."she thought...still ringing...she have decided to pull out the cord... Little did she remember, he have heart problems...

The next day, she received news that he had passed away...she rushed down to his apartment, saw his body, lying on the couch still holding on to the phone...he had a heart attack when he was still trying to get through her phone line....

As sad as she could be...she will have to clear his belongings...when she was looking thru the drawers, she saw this insurance policy, dated from the day they got married, with the beneficiary being her... And together in those file, there was this note...

"To my dearest wife, by the time you're reading this, I'm sure I'm no longer around, I bought this policy for you, though the amount is only $100k, I hope it will be able to help me continue my promise that I have made when we got married, I might not be around anymore, I want this amount of money to continue taking care of you, just like the way I will if I could have live longer. I want you to know Iwill always be around, by your side... I love you"

Tears flowed like river......

"When you love someone, let them know... You never know what will happen the next minute.... Learn to build a life together.. Learn to love each other. For who they are.. Not what they are..."

Countries Visited this blog

Interesting story, amazing story, funny story, moral story, short story, nice story, Interesting story, amazing story, funny story, moral story, short story, nice story, interesting short stories,interesting true stories, inspirational stories ,interesting facts short stories, love stories, jokes,hindi story, hindi joke, hindi funny story,hindi

Thanks for your Visit

Welcome to my Blog.
    I am sure you'll find lots of entertainment on my blog. Please leave your valuable footprints as a comment. Your comment on my blog post will encourage me to serve such great stuff in future also.

Thanks & Regards,
KiranKumar Roy
kk.bece@gmail.com