Quote of the Day

Women are always Clever

Man: "Haven't we met before?"
Woman: "Yes, I'm the receptionist at the V.D. Clinic."

Man: "Haven't I seen you someplace before?"
Woman: "Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore."

Man: "Is this seat empty?"
Woman: "Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down."


Man: "So, wanna go back to my place?"
Woman: "Well, I don't know. Will two people fit under a rock?"

Man: "Your place or mine?"
Woman: "Both. You go to yours and I'll go to mine."

Man: "I'd like to call you. What's your number?"
Woman: "It's in the phone book."

Man: "But I don't know your name."
Woman: "That's in the phone book too."

Man: "So what do you do for a living?"
Woman: "I'm a female impersonator."

Man: "I know how to please a woman."
Woman: "Then please leave me alone."

Man: "I want to give myself to you."
Woman: "Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts."

Man: "I can tell that you want me."
Woman: "Ohhhh. You're so right. I want you...to leave."

Man: "Hey cutie, how 'bout you and I hitting the hot spots?"
Woman: "Sorry, I don't date outside my species."

Man: "May I see you pretty soon?"
Woman: "Why? Don't you think I'm pretty now?"

Man: "Your body is like a temple."
Woman: "Sorry, there are no services today."

Man: "I'd go through anything for you."
Woman: "Good! Let's start with your bank account."

Man: "I would go to the end of the world for you."
Woman: "Yes, but would you stay there?"

Missing Wife Joke

A man went to police station for filing report for his missing wife:
Man: I lost my wife (misty eyes)
Inspector: What is her height
Man: I never noticed
Inspector: Slim or healthy
Man: Not slim can be healthy
Inspector: Colour of eyes
Man: Never noticed
Inspector: Colour of hair
Man: Changes according to season
Inspector: What was she wearing
Man: Saree/suit/ I don’t remember exactly
Inspector: Was somebody with her ?????????
Man: Yes my Labrador dog, Romeo, tied with a golden chain, height 30 inches, healthy, blue eyes, blackish brown hair, his left foot thumb nail is slightly broken, he never barks, wearing a golden belt studded with blue balls, he likes non veg food, we eat together, we jog together…. And the man started crying…..

Inspector: Lets search for the dog first !!!!!!!!!!!! !

Thought of the Day

Imagine there is a bank that credits your account each morning with Rs 86,400. It carries over no balance from day to day; allows you to keep no cash balance; every night deletes whatever part of the balance you failed to use during the day. What would you do with such an account Draw out every penny, of course!!!

Every one of us has such a 'bank'. Its name is TIME. Every morning it credits you with 86,400 seconds. Every night it writes off as lost whatever of this you have failed to invest to good purpose. It carries over no balance. It allows no overdraft.

Each day it opens a new account for you. Each night it burns the records of the day. If you fail to use the day's deposits, the loss is yours. There is no going back. There is no drawing against tomorrow. You must live in the present -on today's deposits. Invest it so as to get from it the utmost in health, happiness and success!

The clock is running. Make the most of today!!!

*********

do you know your value

A well-known speaker started off his seminar by holding up a Rupee 500 note.

In the room of 200, he asked, "Who would like this Rupee 500 note?"

Hands started going up. He said, "I am going to give this note to one of you but first let me do this." He proceeded to crumple the note up. He thenasked, "Who still wants it?"Still the hands were up in the air.

"Well," he replied, "What if I do this?" And he dropped it on the ground and started to grind it into the floor with his shoe. He picked it up,
now all crumpled and dirty. "Now who still wants it?"

Still the hands went into the air."My friends, you have all learned a very valuable lesson.

No matter what I did to the money, you still wanted it because it did not decrease in value. It was still worth Rupee 500/-. Many times in our lives, we
are dropped, crumpled, and ground into the dirt by the decisions we make and the circumstances that come our way. We feel as though we are worthless.

But no matter what has happened or what will happen, you will never lose your value.You are special. Don't ever forget it! Never let yesterday's disappointments overshadow tomorrow's dreams.

**************

World's Fastest

What is the world's fastest airplane?

The X-43 reached Mach 9.8 but it was an unmanned flight.
The X-15 reached Mach 6.72, but it is a rocket powered aircraft.
The Lockheed SR-71 Blackbird, which made it's first flight on December 22, 1964, is still considered to be the world's fastest airplane reaching Mach 3.2 or 2,193.167 MPH in July 1976.
The Lockheed SR-71 Blackbird holds many speed records including flying from New York to London, covering 3,461.53 miles in 1 hour 54 minutes and 56.4 seconds, averaging 1,806.95 MPH.
The Lockheed SR-71 Blackbird

************ **
What was the world's fastest boat?

The first water speed record was recorded on September 19, 1919 when Casey Baldwin throttled his Hydrodome IV up to a watery 70.86 MPH.
The current world's fastest boat is the Spirit of Australia which Ken Warby managed to get up to 317.60 MPH or 511.13 KM/H at Blowering Dam in New South Wales, Australia on October 08, 1978.
The Spirit of Australia

************ **
What is the world's fastest bird?

The world's fastest bird is also the world's fastest animal on our planet.
When the Peregrine Falcon spots prey it goes into a controlled dive easily reaching speed of 200 MPH or 320 KM/H.
The fastest speed the Peregrine Falcon reached ever recorded was an amazing 242.3 MPH or 390 KM/H.
The Peregrine Falcon

************ **
What is the world's fastest car?

Ever since the car was invented people wanted to go fast which soon enough resulted in the competition for the land speed record.
Back on December 18, 1898 Frenchman Achères, Yvelines set the first benchmark for the land speed record taking his electric Jeantaud Duc up to a head turning 39.24 MPH.
The current fastest car is the Thrust SSC which was driven by Andy Green for Richard Noble at the Black Rock Desert in Nevada.
In October 1997 Andy Green took the Thrust SSC up to an ear deafening Mach 1.02,
which is 763.035 MPH of 1227.94 KM/H.
The Thrust SSC

************ **
What is the world's fastest computer?

Apparently the world's fastest computer is your brain, but with some of the people we know we really question that claim.
Omitting the brain, and being familiar with computers, we know that this page will probably be outdated by the time it loads on your computer, but as of 5:59 AM PST on Tuesday, November 14, 2006 the world's fastest computer is the Blue Gene/L.
The Blue Gene/L was developed at Lawrence Livermore National Laboratory and can perform at up to 360 teraflops with a sustained performance of 280.6 teraflops.
Just to give you an idea how fast that is, the XBOX 360 performs at about 1 teraflop which is 1 trillion calculations per second.
Blue Gene/L

************ **
What is the world's fastest fish?

The world's fastest fish can be found throughout all the oceans of the world.
The world's fastest fish has been clocked at speeds over 68 MPH, which is quite a feat for a fish weighing up to 200 pounds.
The world's fastest fish is no other than the sailfish.
The Sailfish

************ **
What is the world's fastest helicopter?

Keep in mind that the maximum speed a rotor helicopter can reach, in theory, before spinning out of control is just over 250 miles per hour.
Now that you know that, at an European air show on August 6, 1986 a Westland Lynx ZB500, that was slightly modified, reached a speed of 249.1 miles per hour or 400.8 km/h, making it the world's fastest helicopter.
The Westland Lynx ZB500

************ **
Who is the world's fastest man?

The 100 meter dash is the race that determines the world's fastest man as it did in May 2006 when American Justin Gatlin posted 9.76 seconds, breaking the current record by 0.01 seconds and giving him the title of the world's fastest man.
Unfortunately for Justin Gatlin his reign as the world's fastest man was short lived as there was a scoring error and his time should have been rounded up to the nearest 1/1000 of a second instead of down as it was thus his time was adjusted to 9.77 seconds.
Justin Gatlin now shares the title of world's fastest man with Jamaican Asafa Powell who has also run a 9.77 second 100 meters.
Justin Gatlin & Asafa Powell

************ **
What is the world's fastest motorcycle?

If you enjoy seeing motorcycles go really fast make sure you don't miss the annual BUB Motorcycle Speed Trials at the Bonneville Salt Flats in Utah.
During the 2006 BUB Motorcycle Speed Trials Denis Manning and the BUB Racing team set the new absolute motorcycle land speed record when rider Chris Carr piloted the BUB #7 Streamliner 354.832 MPH on the down run and 346.939 on the return, for an average of 350.885 MPH.
The next BUB Motorcycle Speed Trials are set to be held September 2 - 6, 2007.
The BUB #7 Streamliner

************ **
What is the world's fastest roller coaster?

How much would you pay to be the first rider on the world's fastest roller coaster?
Jeremy Delong paid just under $1,700.00 in an eBay auction to get the first seat on the inaugural run of Kingda Ka at Six Flags Great Adventure in Jackson, New Jersey on May 20, 2005.
Kingda Ka goes from 0 to 128 MPH or 204.8 KM/H in just 3.3 seconds, becoming the first roller coaster to surpass the 200 KM/H mark.
Kingda Ka is also the world's tallest roller coaster reaching 456 feet before plunging back down at over 120 MPH once again.
Kingda Ka

************ **
What is the world's fastest sport?

Yes we know there is car racing and boat racing and plane racing an maybe even rocket racing, and those sports are fast, but we are strictly interested in human powered sports.
Jai-Alai is a game that originated in Spain and has been billed as the world's fastest sport with the ball leaving the cesta, a long, curved wicker scoop strapped to one arm, at speeds of up to 180 MPH.
Unfortunately for Jai-Alai, Badminton has taken over the title, a shuttlecock has been recently clocked at 332 KM/H or 206 MPH.
Jai-Alai

************ **
What is the world's fastest train?

The world's fastest train is Shanghai's maglev train.
Manglev stands for magnetic levitation, a technology that has been around since 1984 but has not been used commercial due to the costs.
Shanghai opened an 18.6 mile stretch in March, 2004 running from the airport to downtown which the train covers in 7 minutes 20 seconds while peaking out at 268 MPH or 431 KM/H.
Shanghai's Maglev Train

************ **
Who is the world's fastest woman?

The world's fastest woman is American Florence Griffith-Joyner.
Florence Griffith-Joyner set the current world's record for the 100 meters in Indianapolis, Indiana on July 16, 1988 covering the distance in a mere 10.49 seconds.
Florence Griffith-
Joyner

************ **

the silent treatment

A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment.

Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight.

Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5:00 AM." He left it where he knew she would find it.

The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight.

Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM, Wake up."

*********

two drunks

These two drunks were in a bar. One said to the other, "I have to go for a piss."

The other said, "I have to go, too. Tell you what, why don't you go for me while you're in there."

The first drunk guy says, "Ok."

He staggers to the john, and is gone for a long time.

When he comes back, he punches the other drunk in the face and knocks him to the floor.

The second drunk looks up and asks, "Why did you hit me?"

"If you'd told me you had to take a shit, I would have pulled down my pants!"

*************

Sensible Ideas and Wisdom

For those who take life way too seriously

1. Save the whales. Collect the whole set.

2. A day without sunshine is like...... night..

3. On the other hand, you have different fingers.

4. Remember, half the people you know are below average.

5.. He who laughs last thinks slowest.

6. Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

7. Support bacteria. They're the only culture some people have.

8. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

9. How many of you believe in psycho kinesis? Raise my hand.

10. OK... so what's the speed of dark?

11. When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

12. Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film.

13. How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges?

14. What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

15. I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

16. Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?

17. Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what happened..

18. Just remember... if the world didn't suck, we would all fall off.

19. Light travels faster than sound. That is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
************

God v/s Project Manager

GOD
One day a man having conversation with god when his whole life flashed before his eyes as a series of footsteps on the sands of time. He saw that there were two pairs of footprints, but during the most difficult periods of his life there were only one set of footprints. He asked God "You said you will be with me throughout this journey, but why have you deserted me during the most critical times of my life??" To which God answered

"Son, I did not desert you, I was always with you...you see only one set of footprints because during those difficult times in your life, I was carrying you"


Manager
Another day I was having a similar conversation with my Project Manager (PM) when my whole project flashed
before my eyes as a series of footsteps on the sands of time. I saw that there were two pairs of footprints, but
during the most difficult times in the project there were only one set of footprints. I asked my PM, "You said you
will be with me throughout the project, but why have you deserted me during the most critical times of the
project??" to which my PM answered,
"Son, I did not desert you, I was always with you... you see only one set of footprints because during those difficult times I was "sitting on your head!!!"

**********

Nice Contact Agreement

Shown below, is an actual letter that was sent to a bank by a 96 year old woman. The bank manager thought it amusing enough to have it published in the New York Times.

Dear Sir:

I am writing to thank you for bouncing my check with which I endeavored to Pay my plumber last month. By my calculations, three nanoseconds must have Elapsed between his presenting the check and the arrival in my account of The funds needed to honor it.

I refer, of course, to the automatic monthly deposit of my Entire salary, an arrangement which, I admit, has been in place for only Eight years.

You are to be commended for seizing that brief window of Opportunity, and also for debiting my account $30 by way of penalty for The inconvenience caused to your bank.

My thankfulness springs from the manner in which this incident has caused Me to rethink my errant financial ways.

I noticed that whereas I Personally attend to your telephone calls and letters, when I try to contact you, I am confronted by the impersonal, overcharging prerecorded, faceless entity Which your bank has be come.

From now on, I, like you, choose only to deal with a flesh and blood Person. My mortgage and loan repayments will therefore and hereafter no Longer be automatic, but will arrive at your bank, by check, addressed Personally and confidentially to an employee at your bank whom you must Nominate. Be aware that it is an offense under the Postal Act for any Other person to open such an envelope.

Please find attached an Application Contact Status which I require your Chosen employee to complete. I am sorry it runs to eight pages, but in Order that I know as much about him or her as your bank knows about me, There is no alternative. Please note that all copies of his or her medical History must be countersigned by a Notary Public, and the mandatory Details of his/her financial situation (income, debts, assets and liabilities) Must be accompanied by documented proof.

In due course, I will issue your employee with a PIN number which he/she Must quote in dealings with me. I regret that it cannot be shorter than 28 Digits but, again, I have modeled it on the number of button presses Required of me to access my account balance on your phone bank service. As They say, imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.

Let me level the playing field even further. When you call me, press Buttons as follows:

1. To make an appointment to see me

2. To query a missing payment.

3. To transfer the call to my living room in case I am there

4. To transfer the call to my bedroom in case I am sleeping.

5. To transfer the call to my toilet in case I am attending to nature.

6. To transfer the call to my mobile phone if I am not at home

7. To leave a message on my computer, a password to access my computer is Required. Password will be communicated to you at a later date to the Authorized Contact.

8. To return to the main menu and to listen to options 1 through 7.

9. To make a general complaint or inquiry. The contact will then be put On hold, pending the attention of my automated answering service.

Uplifting music will play for the duration of the call. While this may, on Occasion, involve a lengthy wait, Regrettably, but again following your Example, I must also levy an establishment fee to cover the setting up of This new arrangement.

May I wish you a happy, if ever so slightly less Prosperous New Year?

Your Humble Client

(Remember: This was written by a 96 year old woman )

************ *

what you sell?

Two Australian businessmen in Brisbane were sitting down for a break in their new store. As yet, the store wasn't ready, with no stock and only a few shelves set up.

One said to the other, 'I bet any minute now some idiot tourist is going to walk by, put his face to the window, and ask what we're selling'.

No sooner were the words out of his mouth when, sure enough, a curious Japanese tourist walked to the window, had a peek, and in a thick Japanese accent asked
'What you sell?'
One of the men replied sarcastically, 'We're selling arse-holes.'

Without skipping a beat, the Japanese man said,
'Ah Sooo You doing velly well, only two left'.

*************

Whispers

The man whispered, "God, speak to me" and a meadowlark sang.
But, the man did not hear.

So the man yelled, "God, speak to me" and the thunder rolled across the sky.
But, the man did not listen.

The man looked around and said, "God, let me see you." And a star shined brightly.
But the man did not see.

And, the man shouted, "God, show me a miracle.." And, a life was born.
But, the man did not notice.

So, the man cried out in despair, "Touch me God, and let me know you are here."
Whereupon, God reached down and touched the man. But, the man brushed the butterfly away, and walked on.

I found this to be a great reminder that God is always around us in the little and simple things that we take for granted ... Even in our electronic age..

So I would like to add one more:
The man cried, "God, I need your help!" And an e-mail arrived reaching out with good news and encouragement.

But, the man deleted it and continued crying.
Don't miss out on a blessing because it isn't packaged the way that you expect..

My instructions were to send this to people that I wanted God to bless and I picked you.
Won't you please pass this to people you want to be blessed.

Have A Happy Day!!!! You are a Blessed Soul. Relish in the things that God
Has Blessed you with...count your Blessings.

If you love someone

THE ORIGINAL QUOTE

If you love someone,
Set her free...
If she comes back, she's yours,
If she doesn't, she never was....

**********
THE NEW VERSIONS.....
**********
Pessimist:

If you love someone,
Set her free .................
If she ever comes back, she's yours,
If she doesn't, as expected, she never was
**********
Optimist:

If you love someone,
Set her free .................
Don't worry, she will come back.
**********
Suspicious:

If you love someone,
Set her free .................
If she ever comes back, ask her why.
**********

Playful:

If you love someone,
Set her free .................
*If she comes back, and if you love her still, set her
Free again, repeat *
**********
Bill Gates :

If you love someone,
Set her free,
If she comes back,
I think we can charge her for re-installation fees but
Tell her that she's also going to get an upgrade.

**********
Finance expert :

If you love someone
Set her free
If she comes back, its time to look for fresh loans
If she doesn't, write her off as an asset gone bad.

**********

Men's Logic

A man and his wife were in a court for their divorce case.

The Problem was who should get custody of the child.

The wife screamed and jumped up and said: "Your Honor. I brought The child into the world with all the pain and labor.

The child Should be in my custody."

The judge turned to the husband and said: "What do you have to Say in your defense?"

The man sat for a while contemplating...then slowly rose. "Your Honor... If I put a dollar in a Pepsi Vending Machine and a Pepsi Comes out...

Whose Pepsi is it... The machine's or mine?"

********

I like your beard

A married man was visiting his "girlfriend"

When she requested that he shave his beard. "Oh James, I like your beard, but I would really love to see your handsome face."

James replied, "My wife loves this beard. I couldn't possibly do it. She would kill me!!"

"Oh please?" the girlfriend asked again, in a sexy little voice...

"Really, I can't," he replied. "My wife loves this beard!!"

The girlfriend asked once more, he sighed and finally gave in.

That night James crawled into bed next to his wife while she was sleeping.

The wife was awakened, turned toward him, felt his face and said, "Oh Michael, you shouldn't be here. My husband will be home soon!"

*************

The Bull & The Bear

Once upon a time there lived a bear in a cave deep in the woods. Nearby was a meadow in which a farmer kept his cattle -- and one large, ferocious-looking bull. Each day the bear hid at the edge of the woods, watching the bull.

The bear was known as the strongest, most fierce creature for miles around. No other beast in the forest dared to tangle with him. As the bear watched the bull peacefully gazing, he wondered which one of them would win a test of strength. He thought about this for many days. Then one morning he decided to challenge the bull to a fight to the finish.

The bull had just chomped down on a fresh clump of clover when he looked up and saw the bear barreling across the meadow toward him. He stopped chewing. The red flag of danger popped up in his head. The bear skidded to a halt in front of him.

The bull lowered his head menacingly, his sharp horns aimed right for the bear's throat. For long moments they stood in place -- eyeball to eyeball -- neither one of them moving. Finally the bull grew tired of the stare-down and asked, "What do you want, Bear?"

"I want to fight you," growled the bear.

"Why?" asked the bull.

"Because, I want to prove that I am a stronger and better fighter than you are."

The bull laughed. "I thought you really wanted something. You can't possibly win against me. I have sharp horns that can cause terrible injuries."

"And my claws are sharp and quick," the bear shot back. "I have defeated many an enemy -- anyone who would harm my cubs or take away my mate. I am the king of the forest!"

"Then go back to the forest," the bull bluntly advised. "This is the meadow."

The bear blinked in surprise. "I beg your pardon..."

"I mean, what's the point of me fighting with you?" the bull asked. "What would that prove? We are not enemies. I have not harmed your cubs or taken your mate."

"It would prove that I am the strongest."

"Okay," said the bull, smiling. "I'll buy that. You are strongest. Now leave and let me graze in peace."

"Just one cotton-pickin' minute. What do you mean by that?" The bear raised a club-like paw. "I will tear you to shreds. Defend yourself."

"What you do is up to you," the bull answered calmly. "But if you do, what will all your friends -- the ones who are watching us right now -- think about you?"

"They will think that I am the strongest," yelled the frustrated bear.

"I don't think so. I do not choose to fight you just because you choose to fight with me. I would only fight to defend one of the cows in my care. If you attack one of them, then I'd be obliged to give you a good lashing."

"I can't attack them," protested the bear. "They can't fight back. There would be no victory to it."

"Exactly," answered the bull. "But what if you did? And what if I should try to defend them? What if something should happen to me? Who would protect them then? You? Would you trust me to protect your cubs if something happened to you? What would happen to your family if you lose the fight?"

"I never thought of that," said the bear.

"Go back into the woods, Bear," said the bull as he turned to walk away. "Live in peace. And I will stay in the meadow and do the same."

The bear turned toward the woods. He had come spoiling for a fight -- to prove which one was the strongest.

But he had learned an important lesson from a very wise bull. In peace, there are no losers.

********************

Never Argue With Kids

My 4 year old son came screaming out of the bathroom to tell me he'd dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. So I fished it out and threw it in the garbage.

He stood there thinking for a moment, then ran to my bathroom and came out with my toothbrush.

He held it up and said with a charming little smile, "We better throw this one out too then, 'cause it fell in the toilet a few days ago.

On the first day of school, a first-grader handed his teacher a note from his mother.

The note read, "The opinions expressed by this child are not necessarily those of his parents."

A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women's locker room.When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with ladies grabbing towels and running for cover.

The little boy watched in amazement and then asked, "What's the matter, haven't you ever seen a little boy before?"

A little girl had just finished her first week of school. "I'm just wasting my time," she said to her mother."I can't read, I can't write and they won't let me talk!"

A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales.The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small.

The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale. Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human, it was physically impossible.The little girl said, "When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah".

The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to hell?" The little girl replied, "Then you ask him".

The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture." Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, 'There's Jennifer, she's a lawyer,' or 'that's Michael. He's a doctor.'"

A small voice at the back of the room rang out, "And there's the teacher. She's dead."

A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, she said, "Now, class, if I stood on my head, the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red in the face.""Yes," the class said.

"Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary positions the blood doesn't run into my feet?"A little fellow shouted, "Because your feet aren't empty."

The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray: "Take only ONE. God is watching."

Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies.

A child had written a note, "Take all You want. God is watching the apples!"

A kindergarden teacher at age 30 was talking to the children seated on the floor around her, absentmindedly she removed her glasses to clean them.

"Wow, Miss Collins!" one child exclaimed. "You look really different without your glasses on !"Another child piped up, "I bet she looks different when she takes her teeth out, too!"

Look Around!

There was a blind girl who hated herself because she was blind.

She hated everyone, except her loving boyfriend. He was always there for her.

She told her boyfriend, "If I could only see the world, I will marry you."

One day, someone donated a pair of eyes to her. When the bandages came off, she was able to see everything, including her boyfriend.

He asked her, 'Now that you can see the world, will you marry me?'

The girl looked at her boyfriend and saw that he was blind. The sight of his closed eyelids shocked her. She hadn't expected that. The thought of looking at them the rest of her life led her to refuse to marry him.

Her boyfriend left her in tears and days later wrote a note to her saying: 'Take good care of your eyes, my dear, for before they were yours, they were mine.'

This is how the human brain often works when our status changes.

Only a very few remember what life was like before, and who was always by their side in the most painful situations.

Life Is a Gift

Today before you say an unkind word
Think of someone who can't speak.

Before you complain about the taste of your food
Think of someone who has nothing to eat.

Before you complain about your husband or wife
Think of someone who's crying out to GOD for a companion.

Today before you complain about life
Think of someone who went too early to heaven.

Before you complain about your children
Think of someone who desires children but they're barren.

Before you argue about your dirty house
Someone didn't clean or sweep
Think of the people who are living in the streets.

Before whining about the distance you drive
Think of someone who walks the same distance with their feet.

And when you are tired and complain about your job
Think of the unemployed, the disabled, and those who wish they had your job.

But before you think of pointing the finger or condemning another
Remember that not one of us is without sin and we all answer to one MAKER.

And when depressing thoughts seem to get you down
Put a smile on your face and thank GOD that you are still there .
*************

The KGB assassin

The KGB had an opening for an assassin. After all of the background checks, interviews, and testing were done there were three finalists — two men and one woman. For the final test, the KGB agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun.

“We must know that you will follow your instructions, no matter what the circumstances. Inside this room you will find your wife sitting in a chair. You have to kill her.”

The first man said.“You can’t be serious. I could never shoot my wife,”

The agent replies, “Then you’re not the right man for this job."

The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about five minutes.

Then the agent came out with tears in his eyes. “I tried, but I can’t kill my wife.” The agent replies, “You don’t have what it takes. Take your wife and go home.”

Finally, it was the woman’s turn. Only she was told to kill her husband. She took the gun and went into the room. Shots were heard, one shot after another. They heard screaming, crashing, banging on the walls. After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood the woman.

She wiped the sweat from her brow and said, “You guys didn’t tell me the gun was loaded with blanks. So I had to beat him to death with the chair.”

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10 things you never knew about chocolate

10. The Aztecs drunk it

Chocolate was originally a cold drink whisked from cocoa beans by the Aztecs - and women were not allowed to drink it.

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9. It was more valuable than gold

When Cortes conquered the Aztecs in 1520, he found that cocoa beans were prized higher than gold.

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8. It was named in the 17th century

The word 'chocolate' was first recorded in English use in 1604.

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7. It helped found the British Museum

The British Museum owes its very existence to chocolate. It was based on the personal collection of Hans Soane, who invented milk chocolate.

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6. Chocolate bar an English invention

The bar of chocolate was invented by JS Fry and Sons of Bristol in 1847.

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5. Expensive egg

Last year's most expensive chocolate egg was encrusted with more than 100 diamonds and made for La Maison du Chocolat with a £50,000 prize tag.

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4. Royal approval

On New Year's Day 1900, Queen Victoria sent 100,000 boxes of chocolates as a personal gift to soldiers fighting in the Boer War.

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3. Brits can't get enough of it

The average person living in the UK - man, woman or child - spends over £1 a week on chocolate.

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2. The King loved it!

The last food Elvis Presley ate comprised four scoops of ice cream and six chocolate chip cookies.

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1. Egg-cellent selection

Woolworths is this year selling 170 varieties of chocolate Easter egg.

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Do something nice

Unable to attend the funeral after his father died, a son who lived far away called his brother and told him, "Do something nice for Dad and send me the bill."

Later, he got a bill for $200.00, which he paid. The next month, he got another bill for $200.00, which he also paid, figuring it was some incidental expense.

Bills for $200.00 kept arriving every month, and finally the man called his brother again to find out what was going on.

"Well," said the other brother, "you said to do something nice for Dad. So I rented him a tuxedo."

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FRIENDSHIP

Once upon a time the colors of the world started to quarrel. All claimed that they were the best. The most important. The most useful. The favorite.

Green said:

"Clearly I am the most important. I am the sign of life and of hope. I was chosen for grass, trees and leaves. Without me, all animals would die. Look over the countryside and you will see that I am in the majority."

Blue interrupted:

"You only think about the earth, but consider the sky and the sea. It is the water that is the basis of life and drawn up by the clouds from the deep sea. The sky gives space and peace and serenity. Without my peace, you would all be nothing."

Yellow chuckled:

"You are all so serious. I bring laughter, gaiety, and warmth into the world. The sun is yellow, the moon is yellow, the stars are yellow. Every time you look at a sunflower, the whole world starts to smile. Without me there would be no fun."

Orange started next to blow her trumpet:

"I am the color of health and strength. I may be scarce, but I am precious for I serve the needs of human life. I carry the most important vitamins. Think of carrots, pumpkins, oranges, mangoes, and papayas. I don't hang around all the time, but when I fill the sky at sunrise or sunset, my beauty is so striking that no one gives another thought to any of you."

Red could stand it no longer he shouted out:

"I am the ruler of all of you. I am blood - life's blood! I am the color of danger and of bravery. I am willing to fight for a cause. I bring fire into the blood. Without me, the earth would be as empty as the moon. I am the color of passion and of love, the red rose, the poinsettia and the poppy."

Purple rose up to her full height:

She was very tall and spoke with great pomp: "I am the color of royalty and power. Kings, chiefs, and bishops have always chosen me for I am the sign of authority and wisdom. People do not question me! They listen and obey."

Finally Indigo spoke, much more quietly than all the others, but with just as much determination:

"Think of me. I am the color of silence. You hardly notice me, but without me you all become superficial. I represent thought and reflection, twilight and deep water. You need me for balance and contrast, for prayer and inner peace."

And so the colors went on boasting, each convinced of his or her own superiority. Their quarreling became louder and louder. Suddenly there was a startling flash of bright lightening thunder rolled and boomed. Rain started to pour down relentlessly. The colors crouched down in fear, drawing close to one another for comfort.

In the midst of the clamor, Rain began to speak:

"You foolish colors, fighting amongst yourselves, each trying to dominate the rest. Don't you know that you were each made for a special purpose, unique and different? Join hands with one another and come to me."

Doing as they were told, the colors united and joined hands.

The Rain continued:

"From now on, when it rains, each of you will stretch across the sky in a great bow of color as a reminder that you can all live in peace. The Rainbow is a sign of hope for tomorrow." And so, whenever a good rain washes the world, and a Rainbow appears in the sky, let us remember to appreciate one another."

Friendship is like a rainbow:

Red like an apple, sweet to the core.
Orange, like a burning flame, never dying out.
Yellow like the sun that brightens your day.
Green like a plant that keeps on growing.
Blue like the water that is so pure.
Purple like a flower that is ready to bloom.
Indigo like the dreams that fill your heart.

Thank you for the blessing of our friendship!

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Flag this message Meaning Of Valentine's Day

When we think of Valentine's Day, we often think of red roses, candy in heart- shaped boxes, mushy valentines, and winged cherubs flying about shooting starry-eyed lovers with arrows.

But did you know that the origin of Valentine's Day, or Saint Valentine's Day, comes from the life and death of a Christian martyr? According to author Martha Zimmerman, the date traditionally celebrated as St. Valentine's Day finds it origin in the Roman festival of romance called Lupercalia, when the gods Juno and Pan were honored. It was a fertility festival or a lover's holiday looking forward to the return of Spring. In the fifth century, in an attempt to abolish the pagan festival, Pope Gelasius changed Lupercalia and its February 15 date to February 14 and called it Saint Valentine's Day. Even though the names and the date were changed, the emphasis continued to be on love.

Who was the real Valentine, and why did he have a day named after him?

Some authorities credit Geoffrey Chaucer with originating the custom of linking Valentine's Day with lovers. No link between the day and lovers exists before the time of Chaucer, thus leading some to conclude that it was this famous English author who connected the day with lovers. The fullest and earliest description of the tradition occurs in Chaucer's "Parliament of Fouls" composed around 1380. Since that time it has been traditional to connect St. Valentine's Day with love.

But who was the real Saint Valentine? St. Valentine was a Roman Christian who, according to tradition, was martyred during the persecution of Christians in the third century by Emperor Claudius II. The only thing certain about the day we remember as St. Valentine's Day is that it commemorates a martyrdom. Claudius II declared all Christians illegal citizens. By his definition, they were guilty of treason because Roman citizens were required by law to worship the Emperor by declaring publicly, "Caesar is Lord!" Of course, this no Christian could do.

The real Valentine was a Roman Christian martyred during the third century A.D. By the Emperor Claudius II. Prior to his death, Valentine continued to minister in prison by witnessing to his prison guards. One of the guards was a good man who had adopted a blind girl. He asked Valentine if his God could help his daughter. Valentine prayed and the girl was given her sight. The guard and his whole family, 46 people, believed in Jesus and were baptized. When the Emperor heard about this he was furious that Valentine was still making converts even in prison, so he sentenced Valentine to death.

Just before being led out to his execution, the young Christian wrote a note to the jailer's daughter, signing it, "From your Valentine." The first valentine was really a Christian witness. Growing out of this story we participate in a custom of sending cards to people we love.

Given that the tradition of sending love notes grows out of a letter written by St. Valentine to his jailer's daughter on the eve of Valentine's execution, it's ironic that the card we send has received the emphasis, instead of remembering the content of the original Valentine's card: a message of unconditional devotion to Christ, even upon pain of death.

Over time the word "Saint" has been dropped from St. Valentine's Day, further obscuring the origins of this holiday. Instead of a negative reaction to some of the pagan origins of the day, why not celebrate the true love that compelled young Valentine to give up his life?

Remember that the day we know as St. Valentine's Day actually commemorates the death of an early Christian martyr, Valentine, who was put to death for refusing to renounce his faith in Christ.

Instead of chubby cherubs, sappy cards, too much candy, and soon-wilted flowers, why not point your family toward the true significance of St. Valentine's Day this year?

By all means, celebrate the day, but re-inject it with Christian meaning by resolving to live for Jesus without fear or shame, following the godly example of Valentine's unconditional love for Christ.

How can you celebrate St. Valentine's Day in a way that honors the original Valentine, who was martyred for his devotion to God?

First, give your life to Christ.

Second, declare the truth about God's love even if it costs you something.

Third, become a servant to those you love, rather than demanding that your needs be met. According to pastor Alex Stevenson, we all want to hear the phrase, "Be my Valentine." It simply means "you are loved."

This Valentine's Day, remember that you are loved. God loves you and wants you to be His valentine. The love that God gives us is not like the world's love. The world's love is only as sturdy as a paper Valentine's card. But God's love is not a flimsy, cheap imitation: it is the real thing. It is an all-giving love that was and is willing to suffer and die for our deliverance.

Will you be God's valentine? It is your choice. Say yes and give to God the love He desires. And when you do, remember the first Valentine and how he gave everything, including his life, to the God he loved.

Shit, I missed

A Catholic priest and a nun were taking a rare afternoon off and enjoying a round of golf.
The priest stepped up to the first tee and took a mighty swing.
He missed the ball entirely and said "Shit, I missed."
The good Sister told him to watch his language.
On his next swing, he missed again. "Shit, I missed."
"Father, I'm not going to play with you if you keep swearing," the nun said tartly.
The priest promised to do better and the round continued.
On the 4th tee, he misses again. The usual comment followed.
Sister ! Is really mad now and says, "Father John, God is going to strike you dead if you keep swearing like that."
On the next tee, Father John swings and misses again. "Shit, I missed."
A terrible rumble is heard and a gigantic bolt of lightning comes out of the sky and strikes Sister Marie dead in her tracks.
And from the sky comes a booming voice .......
"Shit, I missed."

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100 years ago

THE YEAR 1906??
This will boggle your mind, I know it did mine!
The year is 1906.
One hundred years ago.
What a difference a century makes!
Here are some statistics for the Year 1906 :

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The average life expectancy was 47 years.

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Only 14 percent of the homes had a bathtub.

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Only 8 percent of the homes had a telephone.

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There were only 8,000 cars and only 144 miles Of paved roads.

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The maximum speed limit in most cities was 10 mph.

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The tallest structure in the world was the Eiffel Tower !

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The average wage was 22 cents per hour.

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The average worker made between $200 and $400 per year .

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A competent accountant could expect to earn $2000 per year, A dentist $2,500 per year, a veterinarian between $1,500 and $4,000 per year, and a mechanical engineer about $5,000 per year.

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More than 95 percent of all births took place at HOME .

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Ninety percent of all doctors had NO COLLEGE EDUCATION!
Instead, they attended so-called medical schools, many of which were condemned in the press AND the government as "substandard."

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Sugar cost four cents a pound.

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Eggs were fourteen cents a dozen.

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Coffee was fifteen cents a pound.

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Most women only washed their hair once a month, and used Borax or egg yolks for shampoo.

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Canada passed a law that prohibited poor people from Entering into their country for any reason.

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Five leading causes of death were:

1. Pneumonia and influenza
2. Tuberculosis
3. Diarrhea
4. Heart disease
5. Stroke

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The American flag had 45 stars.

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The population ofLas Vegas, Nevada was only 30!!!!

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Crossword puzzles, canned beer, and ice tea hadn't been invented yet.

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There was no Mother's Day or Father's Day.

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Two out of every 10 adults couldn't read or write.

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Only 6 percent of all Americans had graduated from high school.

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Marijuana, heroin, and morphine were all available over the counter at the local corner drugstores. Back then pharmacists said, "Heroin clears the complexion, gives buoyancy to the mind, regulates the stomach and bowels, and is, in fact, a perfect guardian of health." ( Shocking? DUH! )

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Eighteen percent of households had at least one full-time servant or domestic help.

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There were about 230 reported murders in the ENTIRE ! U.S.A. !

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Now I forwarded this from someone else without typing
It myself, and sent it to you and others all over the United States ,& Canada
Possibly the world, in a matter of seconds!

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Try to imagine what it may be like in another 100 years.
IT STAGGERS THE MIND, EH . ?

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Do you know........

Do you know ....

This is awesome - I bet you didn't know this...
Letters 'a', 'b', 'c' & 'd' do not appear anywhere in the spellings of 1 to 99
(Letter 'd' comes for the first time in Hundred)
Letters 'a', 'b' & 'c' do not appear anywhere in the spellings of 1 to 999
(Letter 'a' comes for the first time in Thousand)
Letters 'b' & 'c' do not appear anywhere in the spellings of 1 to 999,999,999
(Letter 'b' comes for the first time in Billion)
And
Letter 'c' does not appear anywhere in in the spellings of entire English Counting

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It all depends on our attitude

Robert De Vincenzo, the great Argentine golfer, once won a tournament and, after receiving the check and smiling for the cameras, he went to the clubhouse and prepared to leave. Some time later, he walked alone to his car in the parking lot and was approached by a young woman.
She congratulated him on his victory and then told him that her child was seriously ill and near death. She did not know how she could pay the doctor's bills and hospital expenses.
De Vincenzo was touched by her story, and he took out a pen and endorsed his winning check for payment to the woman. "Make some good days for the baby," he said as he pressed the check into her hand.
The next week he was having lunch in a country club when a Professional Golf Association official came to his table. "Some of the boys in the parking lot last week told me you met a young woman there after you won that tournament." De Vincenzo nodded. "Well," said the official, "I have news for you. She's a phony. She has no sick baby. She's not even married. She fleeced you, my friend."
"You mean there is no baby who is dying?" said De Vincenzo.
"That's right," said the official.
"That's the best good news I've heard all week." De Vincenzo said.

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Good news or bad news? It depends on how you see things. You can be bitter after cheated. Or you can choose to move on with your life.......

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Darn Kids They know everything

Mother is driving a little girl to her friend's house for a play date.
"Mommy," the little girl asks, "how old are you?"
"Honey, you are not supposed to ask a lady her age," the mother replied.
"It's not polite."
"OK", the little girl says, "How much do you weigh?"
"Now really," the mother says,
"those are personal questions and are really none of your business."
Undaunted, the little girl asks, "Why did you and Daddy get a divorce?"
"That is enough questions, young lady, honestly!"
The exasperated mother walks away as the two friends begin to play.
"My Mom won't tell me anything about her," the little girl says to her friend.
"Well," says the friend, "all you need to do is look at her drivers license. It is like a report card, it has everything on it."
Later that night the little girl says to her mother,
"I know how old you are, you are 32."
The mother is surprised and asks,
"How did you find that out?
"I also know that you weigh 140 pounds."
The mother is past surprised and shocked now.
"How in heaven's name did you find that out?"
"And," the little girl says triumphantly,
"I know why you and daddy got a divorce."
"Oh really?" the mother asks. "Why?"
"Because you got an ' F ' in sex."

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It's Called Mindset

As I was passing the elephants, I suddenly stopped, confused by the fact that these huge creatures were being held by only a small rope tied to their front leg.

No chains, no cages. It was obvious that the elephants could, at anytime, break away from the ropes they were tied to but for some reason, they did not.I saw a trainer near by and asked why these beautiful, magnificent animals just stood there and made no attempt to get away.

"Well," he said, "when they are very young and much smaller we use the same size rope to tie them and, at that age, it's enough to hold them. As they grow up, they are conditioned to believe they cannot break away. They believe the rope can still hold them, so they never try to break free.

"I was amazed. These animals could at any time break free from their bonds but because they believed they couldn't, they were stuck right where they were.Like the elephants,

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How many of us go through life hanging onto a belief that we cannot do something, simply because we failed at it once before? So make an attempt to grow further....

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"YOUR ATTEMPT MAY FAIL, BUT NEVER FAIL TO MAKE AN ATTEMPT."

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Clinton`s secret box

Bill & Hillary Clinton are celebrating their 25th Anniversary. All 25 years Bill has kept a large box under his side of the bed. He asked Hillary never to look in his box, and so she obeyed. But, on the morning of their 25th, she couldn`t stand the suspense any longer. She opened the box and there were three empty beer cans and $1800 cash. She closed the box and put it back.

At dinner, she looks to Bill and says, "Bill, I never looked in your box all 25 years, but I had to look today. The suspense was killing me. Though, I`m confused. Why three beer cans and $1800?"

He looks at her a few moments then tells her. "Hillary, every time I was unfaithful to you, I kept an empty beer can."

Hillary still looks puzzled." Ok Bill, I know the three times you were unfaithful. I`m hurt but that`s over with, But why $1800?"

Bill says," Well, every time the box got full, I went to recycling and kept the money."
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Nice Thoughts

Living on Earth is expensive,
But it does include a free trip around the sun every year.

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Birthdays are good for you;
The more you have, the longer you live.

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How long a minute is...
Depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on.

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Ever notice that the people who are late are often
Much jollier than the people who have to wait for them?

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If ignorance is bliss,
Why aren't more people happy?

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Most of us go to our grave with our music still inside of us.

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If WalMart is lowering prices every day,
How come nothing is free yet?

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You may be only one person in the world,
But you may also be the world to one person.

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Some mistakes are too much fun to only make once.

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Don't cry because it's over;
Smile because it happened.

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We could learn a lot from crayons:
Some are sharp, some are pretty, some are dull,
Some have weird names, and all are different colors
But they all have to learn to live in the same box.

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A truly happy person is one who can enjoy the scenery on a detour.

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Happiness comes through doors
You didn't even know you left open.

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Black eyes

The naughty, Little Johnny comes home from catholic school with a black eye.

His father sees it and says, "Johnny, how many times do I have to tell you not to fight with the other boys?"

"But Dad, it was not my fault. We were all in church saying our prayers. We all stood up and my teacher in front of me had her dress in the crack of her butt. I reached over and pulled it out. That`s when she hit me!"

"Johnny," the father said. "You don`t do those kind of things to women."

The very next day Johnny came home with the other eye black and blue.

Johnny`s father said, "Johnny, I thought we had a talk!"

"But Dad," Johnny said, "It was not my fault. There we were in church saying our prayers. We all stood up and my teacher in front of us had her dress in the crack of her butt. Then Louie who was sitting next to me saw it and he reached over and pulled it out. Now I know she doesn't like this, so I pushed it back in!"

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BALANCE SHEET

Our Birth is our Opening Balance !

Our Death is our Closing Balance!

Our Prejudiced Views are our Liabilities

Our Creative Ideas are our Assets

Heart is our Current Asset

Soul is our Fixed Asset

Brain is our Fixed Deposit

Thinking is our Current Account

Achievements are our Capital

Character & Morals, our Stock-in-Trade

Friends are our General Reserves

Values & Behavior are our Goodwill

Patience is our Interest Earned

Love is our Dividend

Children are our Bonus Issues

Education is Brands / Patents

Knowledge is our Investment

Experience is our Premium Account

The Aim is to Tally the Balance Sheet Accurately.

The Goal is to get the Best Presented Accounts Award.

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HELL - COOLING DOWN OR HEATING UP?

The following is an actual question given on a University of Washington engineering mid-term. The answer was so "profound" that the Professor shared it with colleagues, and the sharing obviously hasn't ceased...

Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or Endothermic (absorbs heat)?

Most of the students wrote Proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law, (gas cools off when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant. One student, however, wrote the following:
"First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate that souls are moving into Hell and the rate they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let us look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Some of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there are more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially.

Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand as souls are added. This gives two possibilities:

1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.

2. Of course, if Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.

So which is it?

If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa Banyan during my Freshman year, "...that it will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you.", and take into account the fact that I still have not succeeded in having sexual relations with her, then, #2 cannot be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and will not freeze."

This student received the only A!

Be A Lake

The old Master instructed the unhappy young man to put a handful of salt in a glass of water and then to drink it.

"How does it taste?" the Master asked.

"Awful," spat the apprentice.

The Master chuckled and then asked the young man to take another handful of salt and put it in the lake.

The two walked in silence to the nearby lake and when the apprentice swirled his handful of salt into the lake,

The old man said, "Now drink from the lake."

As the water dripped down the young man's chin, the Master asked, "How does it taste?"

"Good!" remarked the apprentice. "Do you taste the salt?" asked the Master. "No," said the young man.

The Master sat beside this troubled young man, took his hands, and said,

"The pain of life is pure salt; no more, no less.

The amount of pain in life remains the same, exactly the same. But the amount we taste the 'pain' depends on the container we put it into.

So when you are in pain, the only thing you can do is to enlarge your sense of things .....

Stop being a glass. Become a lake!"

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An Elderly Woman's Portrait

An elderly woman decided to have her portrait painted. She instructed the artist, "Paint me with diamond earrings, an emerald necklace, a ruby bracelet, and a Rolex watch."

"But you're not wearing any of those things!" the artist said.

"I know," she replied. "But if I should die before my husband, I'm sure he'll remarry right away, and I want his new wife to go crazy looking for the jewelry!"

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A Nice Lesson..!

Once a boy went to a shop with his mother. The shop keeper looked at the small cute child and showed him a bottle with sweets

And said 'Dear Child..u can take the sweets...

But the child didn't take. The shop keeper was surprised.. Such a small child he is and why is he not taking the sweets from the bottle. Again he said take the sweets....

Now the mother also heard that and said.. Take the sweets dear.. Yet he didn't take... The shopkeeper seeing the child not taking the sweets... He himself took the sweets and gave to the child. The child was happy to get two hands full of sweets.

While returning home the Mother asked the child... Why didn't you take the sweets, when the shop keeper told you to take?..

Can you guess the response: Child replies... Mom! My hands are very small and if I take the sweets I can only take few.. But now you see when uncle gave with his big hands.... How many more sweets I got!

Moral: When we take we may get little but when God gives... HE gives us more beyond our expectations. .. More than what we can hold..!!
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How they Named - 2

Kodak - Both the Kodak camera and the name were the invention of founder George Eastman . The letter "K" was a favourite with Eastman; he felt it a strong and incisive letter. He tried out various combinations of words starting and ending with "K". He saw three advantages in the name. It had the merits of a trademark word, would not be mis-pronounced and the name did not resemble anything in the art. There is a misconception that the name was chosen because of its similarity to the sound produced by the shutter of the camera.

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Konica- it was earlier known as Konishiroku Kogaku. Konishiroku in turn is the short for Konishiya Rokubeiten which was the first name of the company established by Rokusaburo Sugiura in the 1850s.

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Korg - Formed from the surnames of the founders, Tsutomu Katoh and Tadashi Osanai, combined with the letters "rg" from the word organ.

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LG - combination of two popular Korean brands Lucky and Goldstar. (In Mexicopublicists explained the name change to the public as an abbreviation to Línea Goldstar Spanish for Goldstar Line)

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L'Oréal- In 1907, Eugène Schueller, a young French chemist, developed an innovative hair-color formula. He called his improved hair dye Auréole.

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Lotus Software - Mitch Kapor got the name for his company from 'The Lotus Position' or 'Padmasana'. Kapor used to be a teacher of Transcendental Meditation technique as taught by Maharishi Mahesh Yogi.

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Lucent Technologies- a spin-off from AT&T, it was named Lucent (meaning "luminous" or "glowing with light") because "light as a metaphor for visionary thinking reflected the company's operating and guiding business philosophy," according to the Landor Associates staff who chose the name. Source: Design Management Journal 8:1 (Winter 1997).

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Lycos- from Lycosidae, the family of wolf spiders.

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Mazda Motor- from the company's first president, Jujiro Matsuda . In Japanese, no syllables are ever stressed and some inner syllables are virtually skipped. Thus, Matsuda is pronounced "Matsda". To make the name fly better outside of Japan, the spelling was changed to Mazda.

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McDonald's- from the name of the brothers Dick McDonald and Mac McDonald, who founded the first McDonald 's restaurant in 1940.

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Mercedes- This is the first name of the daughter of Emil Jellinek, who worked for the early Daimler company around 1900.

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MGM- Metro-Goldwyn- Mayer was formed by the merger of three picture houses Metro Picture Corporation, Goldwyn Pictures Corporation and Louis B. Mayer Pictures. Goldwyn Picture Corporation in turn was named after the last names of Samuel Goldfish and Edgar and Archibald Selwyn.

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Micron- computer memory producer named after the microscopic parts of its products. The official name was Micron Computer, Inc. Since, the company has become Interland, a web hosting provider, after selling/spinning off its RAM division and closing down its computer division, licensing the name. The company is now headquartered in Atlanta.

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Microsoft- coined by Bill Gates to represent the company that was devoted to MICROcomputer SOFTware. Originally christened Micro-Soft, the '-' was removed later on.

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midPhase- the post-dotcom era gave using the .com in a companies official name untrendy. A new dotcom company may be named traditionally, in midPhase's case it was named midPhase Services, Inc., the midPhase stands for Middle Phase, or middle of the road.

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Mitsubishi- The name Mitsubishi (??) has two parts: mitsu means three and hishi (changing to bishi in the middle of the word) means water chestnut, and from here rhombus, which is reflected in the company's logo.

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Motorola- Founder Paul Galvin came up with this name when his company (at the time, Galvin Manufacturing Company) started manufacturing radios for cars. Many audio equipment makers of the era used the " ola" ending for their products, most famously the "Victrola" phonograph made by the Victor Talking Machine Company. The name was meant to convey the idea of "sound" and "motion". The name became so recognized that the company later adopted it as the company name.

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Mozilla Foundation- from the name of the web-browser that preceded Netscape Navigator. When Marc Andreesen , founder of Netscape, created a browser to replace the Mosaic browser, it was internally named Mozilla (Mosaic-Killer, Godzilla) by Jamie Zawinski.

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MRF- Madras Rubber Factory, founded by K M Mammen Mappillai in 1946. He started with a toy balloon-manufacturi ng unit at Tiruvottiyur, Chennai (then called Madras). In 1952, he began manufacturing tread-rubber, and in 1961, tyres.

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Nero - Nero Burning ROM named after Nero burning Rome.

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Netscape- named by first marketing employee Greg Sands, in a panic when the Universityof Illinoisthreatened to sue the new company for its original name, Mosaic. Netscape then paid Landor $50,000 to design a logo.

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Nike- named for the Greek goddess of victory.

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Nikon - the original name was Nippon Kogaku, meaning "Japanese Optical".

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Nissan- the company was earlier known by the name Nippon Sangyo which means "Japanese industry".

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Nokia- started as a wood-pulp mill, the company expanded into producing rubber products in the Finnish city of Nokia. The company later adopted the city's name.

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Nortel - The Nortel Networks name came from Nortel (Northern Telecom) and Bay Networks. The company was originally spun off from the Bell Telephone Company of Canada Ltd in 1895 as Northern Electric and Manufacturing, and traded as Northern Electric from 1914 to 1976.

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Novartis- after the Latin expression "novae artes" which means something like "new skills".

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Oracle - Larry Ellison, Ed Oates and Bob Miner were working on a consulting project for the CIA (Central Intelligence Agency). The code name for the project was Oracle (the CIA saw this as the system to give answers to all questions or some such). The project was designed to help use the newly written SQL database language from IBM. The project eventually was terminated but they decided to finish what they started and bring it to the world. They kept the name Oracle and created the RDBMS engine. Later they changed the name of the company, Relational Technology Inc, to the name of the product.

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Pepsi- Pepsi derives its name from (treatment of) dyspepsia, an intestinal ailment.

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Philips - Royal Philips Electronics was founded in 1891, by brothers Gerard (the engineer) and Anton (the entrepreneur) Philips .

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Qantas- From its original name, Queensland And Northern Territory Aerial Services.

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Red Hat- Company founder Marc Ewing was given the Cornell lacrosse team cap (with red and white stripes) while at college by his grandfather. People would turn to him to solve their problems, and he was referred to as 'that guy in the red hat'. He lost the cap and had to search for it desperately. The manual of the beta version of Red Hat Linux had an appeal to readers to return his Red Hat if found by anyone.

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Reebok- another spelling of rhebok (Pelea capreolus), an African antelope.

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SAAB- founded in 1937 in Swedenas "Svenska Aeroplan aktiebolaget" (Swedish Aeroplane Company) abbreviated SAAB.

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Samsonite- Samsonite was launched as a brand in 1941, receiving its name from the Biblical character Samson, renowned for his strength.

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Samsung- meaning three stars in Korean.

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Sanyo- The Japanese translation is disputed, although the Chinese name is "??" (literally, "Three Oceans")

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SAP- "Systems, Applications, Products in Data Processing", formerly "SystemAnalyse und Programmentwicklung" (German for "System analysis and program development"), formed by 4 ex- IBM employees who used to work in the 'Systems/Application s/Projects' group of IBM.

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SEGA- "Service Games of Japan" (SeGa) Founded by Marty Bromley (an American) to import pinball games to Japanfor use on American military bases.

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Sharp- Japanese consumer electronics company named from its first product, an ever-sharp pencil.

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Shell- Royal Dutch Shell was established in 1907, when the Royal Netherlands Petrol Society Plc. and the Shell Transport and Trading Company Ltd. merged. The Shell Transport and Trading Company Ltd. had been established at the end of the 19th century, by commercial firm Samuel & Co (founded in 1830). Samuel & Co were already successfully importing Japanese shells when they set up an oil company, so the oil company was named after the shells Samuel & Co were importing.

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Siemens - founded in 1847 by Werner von Siemens and Johann Georg Halske: the company was originally called Telegraphen- Bau-Anstalt von Siemens & Halske.

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Sprint- from its parent company, Southern Pacific Railroad INTernal Communications. Back in the day, pipelines and railroad tracks were the cheapest place to lay communications lines, as the right-of-way was already leased or owned.

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Sun Microsystems- its founders designed their first workstation in their dorm at StanfordUniversity, and chose the name Stanford University Network for their product, hoping to sell it to the college. They didn't.

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Suzuki- from the name of its founder, Michio Suzuki

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Tesco- Founder Jack Cohen, who from 1919 sold groceries in the markets of the London East End, acquired a large shipment of tea from T. E. Stockwell and made new labels by using the first three letters of the supplier's name and the first two letters of his surname forming the word "TESCO".

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Toshiba- was founded by the merger of consumer goods company Tokyo Denki (Tokyo Electric Co) and electrical firm Shibaura Seisaku-sho (Shibaura Engineering Works).

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Toyota- from the founder's name Sakichi Toyoda. Initially called Toyeda, it was changed after a contest for a better-sounding name. The new name was written in katakana with eight strokes, a number that is considered lucky in Japan.

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Unisys- made-up name for the company that resulted from the combination of two old mainframe computer companies, Burroughs and Sperry [Sperry Univac/Sperry Rand]. It "united" two incompatible ranges. Unisys was briefly the world's second-largest computer company, after IBM.

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Verizon- A portmanteau of veritas (Latin for truth) and horizon.

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Vodafone- is a multinational mobile phone operator with headquarters in the United Kingdom. Its name is made up of VOice, DAta, TeleFONE. Vodafone made the UK's first mobile call at a few minutes past midnight on the 1 January 1985.

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Volvo- From the Latin word "volvo", which means "I roll". It was originally a name for a ball bearing being developed by SKF.

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Xerox - The inventor, Chestor Carlson, named his product trying to say `dry' (as it was dry copying, markedly different from the then prevailing wet copying). The Greek root `xer' means dry.

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Yahoo!- a "backronym" for Yet Another Hierarchical Officious Oracle. The word Yahoo was invented by Jonathan Swift and used in his book Gulliver's Travels. It represents a person who is repulsive in appearance action and is barely human. Yahoo! founders David Filo and Jerry Yang selected the name because they jokingly considered themselves yahoos

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How they Named - 1

ABN AMRO- In the 1960s, the Nederlandse Handelmaatschappij (Dutch Trading Society; 1824) and the Twentsche Bank merged to form the Algemene Bank Nederland ( ABN; General Bank of the Netherlands) . In 1966, the Amsterdamsche Bank and the Rotterdamsche Bank merged to form the Amro Bank. In 1991, ABN and Amro Bank merged to form ABN AMRO.

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Accenture- Accent on the Future. Greater-than 'accent' over the logo's t points forward towards the future. The name Accenture was proposed by a company employee in Norwayas part of a internal name finding process (BrandStorming) . Prior to January 1, 2001 the company was called Andersen Consulting.

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Adidas- from the name of the founder Adolf (Adi) Dassler.

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Adobe- came from name of the river Adobe Creek that ran behind the houses of founders John Warnock and Chuck Geschke .

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AltaVista- Spanish for "high view".

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AMD- Advanced Micro Devices.

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Apache- The name was chosen from respect for the Native American Indian tribe of Apache (Indé), well-known for their superior skills in warfare strategy and their inexhaustible endurance. Secondarily, and more popularly (though incorrectly) accepted, it's considered a cute name that stuck: its founders got started by applying patches to code written for NCSA's httpd daemon. The result was 'a patchy' server â€" thus the name Apache.

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Apple- for the favourite fruit of co-founder Steve Jobs and/or for the time he worked at an apple orchard. He was three months late in filing a name for the business, and he threatened to call his company Apple Computer if his colleagues didn't suggest a better name by 5 p.m. Apple's Macintosh is named after a popular variety of apple sold in the US. Apple also wanted to distance itself from the cold, unapproachable, complicated imagery created by the other computer companies at the time had names like IBM, NEC, DEC, ADPAC, Cincom, Dylakor, Input, Integral Systems, SAP, PSDI, Syncsort and Tesseract. The new company sought to reverse the entrenched view of computers in order to get people to use them at home. They looked for a name that was unlike the names of traditional computer companies, a name that also supported a brand positioning strategy that was to be perceived as simple, warm, human, approachable and different.

Note: Apple had to get approval from the Beatle's Apple Corps to use the name 'Apple' and paid a one-time royalty of $100,000 to McIntosh Laboratory, Inc., a maker of high-end audio equipment, to use the derivative name 'Macintosh', known now as just 'Mac'.

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AT&T- American Telephone and Telegraph Corporation officially changed its name to AT&T in the 1990s.

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Bauknecht- Founded as an electrotechnical workshop in 1919 by Gottlob Bauknecht .

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BBC- Stands for British Broadcasting Corporation.

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BenQ- Bringing ENjoyment and Quality to life

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Blaupunkt- Blaupunkt (Blue dot) was founded in 1923 under the name Ideal. Their core business was the manufacturing of headphones. If the headphones came through quality tests, the company would give the headphones a blue dot. The headphones quickly became known as the blue dots or blaue Punkte. The quality symbol would become a trademark, and the trademark would become the company name in 1938.

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BMW- abbreviation of Bayerische Motoren Werke (Bavarian Motor Factories)

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Borealis - The Northern Lights or Aurora Borealis, is the celestial phenomenon that features bursts of light in colourful patterns dancing across the night skies of the north. Borealis, inspired from the shining brilliance of the Northern Lights, was formed in 1994 out of the merger between two northern oil companies, Norway's Statoil and Finland's Neste.

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BP - formerly British Petroleum, now "BP" (The slogan "Beyond Petroleum" has incorrectly been taken to refer to the company's new name following its rebranding effort in 2000).

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BRAC- abbreviation for Bangladesh Rural Advancement Committee, world's largest NGO (non governmental organization) . It works in development programs around the world.

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Bridgestone- named after founder Shojiro Ishibashi. The surname Ishibashi (??) means "stone bridge", i.e. "bridge of stone".

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Bull- Compagnie des machines Bull was founded in Paristo exploit the patents for punched card machines taken out by a Norwegian engineer, Fredrik Rosing Bull.

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Cadillac- Cadillac was named after the 18th century French explorer Antoine Laumet de La Mothe , sieur de Cadillac, founder of Detroit, Michigan. Cadillac is a small town in the South of France.

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Canon- Originally (1933) Precision Optical Instruments Laboratory the new name (1935) derived from the name of the company's first camera, the Kwannon, in turn named after the Japanese name of the Buddhist bodhisattva of mercy.

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CGI- from the first letter of Information Management Consultant in french (Conseiller en Gestion et Informatique) .

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Cisco- short for San Francisco. It has also been suggested that it was "CIS-co" -- Computer Information Services was the department at StanfordUniversityt hat the founders worked in.

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COBRA- Computadores Brasileiros, "Brazilian Computers", electronics and services company, was the first state-owned designer and producer of computers in the 1970s, later acquired by the Banco do Brasil.

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Coca-Cola- Coca-Cola's name is derived from the coca leaves and kola nuts used as flavoring. Coca-Cola creator John S. Pemberton changed the 'K' of kola to 'C' for the name to look better.

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Colgate-Palmolive- formed from a merger of soap manufacturers Colgate & Company and Palmolive-Peet. Peet was dropped in 1953. Colgate was named after William Colgate, an English immigrant, who set up a starch, soap and candle business in New York Cityin 1806. Palmolive was named for the two oils (Palm and Olive) used in its manufacture.

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Compaq- from "comp" for computer, and "pack" to denote a small integral object; or: Compatibility And Quality; or: from the company's first product, the very compact Compaq Portable.

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Comsat - an American digital telecommunications and satellite company, founded during the President Kennedy era to develop the technology. Contraction of Communications Satellites.

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Daewoo- the company founder Kim Woo Chong called it Daewoo which means "Great Universe" in Korean.

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Dell- named after its founder, Michael Dell. The company changed its name from Dell Computer in 2003.

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DHL- the company was founded by Adrian Dalsey, Larry Hillblom , and Robert Lynn , whose last initials form the company's moniker.

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eBay- Pierre Omidyar, who had created the Auction Web trading website, had formed a web consulting concern called Echo Bay Technology Group. " EchoBay" didn't refer to the town in Nevada, the nature area close to Lake Mead, or any real place. "It just sounded cool," Omidyar reportedly said. When he tried to register EchoBay.com, though, he found that Echo Bay Mines, a gold mining company, had gotten it first. So, Omidyar registered what (at the time) he thought was the second best name: eBay.com.

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Epson - Epson Seiko Corporation, the Japanese printer and peripheral manufacturer, was named from "Son of Electronic Printer"

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Fanta- was originally invented by Max Keith in Germanyin 1940 when World War II made it difficult to get the Coca-Cola syrup to Nazi Germany. Fanta was originally made from byproducts of cheese and jam production. The name comes from the German word for imagination (Fantasie or Phantasie), because the inventors thought that imagination was needed to taste oranges from the strange mix.

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Fazer - named after its founder, Karl Fazer.

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Fiat- acronym of Fabbrica Italiana Automobili Torino (Italian Factory of Cars of Turin).

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Fuji- from the highest Japanese mountain Mount Fuji.

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Google- the name is an intentional misspelling of the word googol, reflecting the company's mission to organize the immense amount of information available online.

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Haier- Chinese ? "sea" and ? (a transliteration character; also means "you" in Literary Chinese)

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HP- Bill Hewlett and Dave Packard tossed a coin to decide whether the company they founded would be called Hewlett-Packard or Packard-Hewlett.

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Hitachi- old place name, literally "sunrise"

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Honda- from the name of its founder, Soichiro Honda

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Honeywell- from the name of Mark Honeywell founder of Honeywell Heating Specialty Co. It later merged with Minneapolis Heat Regulator Company and was finally called Honeywell Inc. in 1963.

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Hotmail- Founder Jack Smith got the idea of accessing e-mail via the web from a computer anywhere in the world. When Sabeer Bhatia came up with the business plan for the mail service, he tried all kinds of names ending in 'mail' and finally settled for Hotmail as it included the letters "HTML" - the markup language used to write web pages. It was initially referred to as HoTMaiL with selective upper casing. (If you click on Hotmail's 'mail' tab, you will still find "HoTMaiL" in the URL.)

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HSBC- The Hongkong and Shanghai Banking Corporation.

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Hyundai- connotes the sense of "the present age" or "modernity" in Korean.

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IBM- named by Tom Watson, an ex-employee of National Cash Register. To one-up them in all respects, he called his company International Business Machines.

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ICL- abbreviation for International Computers Ltd, once the UK's largest computer company, but now a service arm of Fujitsu, of Japan.

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IKON - copier company name derived from I Know One Name.

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Intel- Bob Noyce and Gordon Moore initially incorporated their company as N M Electronics. Someone suggested Moore Noyce Electronics but it sounded too close to "more noise" -- not a good choice for an electronics company! Later, Integrated Electronics was proposed but it had been taken by somebody else. Then, using initial syllables from INTegrated ELectronics, Noyce and Moore came up with Intel. To avoid potential conflicts with other companies of similar names, Intel purchased the name rights for $15,000 from a company called Intelco. (Source: Intel 15 Years Corporate Anniversary Brochure)

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Interland - a web hosting provider formally known as Micron Computer, Inc. which was named either after InternetLandor the combination of the largest acqusition it performed, Interliant with the word Land.

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Kawasaki- from the name of its founder, Shozo Kawasaki

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Proudy Red Rose

One beautiful spring day a red rose blossomed in a forest. Many kinds of trees and plants grew there. As the rose looked around, a pine tree nearby said, "What a beautiful flower. I wish I was that lovely."

Another tree said, "Dear pine, do not be sad, we can not have everything."

The rose turned its head and remarked, "It seems that I am the most beautiful plant in this forest."

A sunflower raised its yellow head and asked, "Why do you say that? In this forest there are many beautiful plants. You are just one of them." The red rose replied, "I see everyone looking at me and admiring me."

Then the rose looked at a cactus and said, "Look at that ugly plant full of thorns!" The pine tree said, "Red rose, what kind of talk is this? Who can say what beauty is? You have thorns too."

The proud red rose looked angrily at the pine and said, "I thought you had good taste! You do not know what beauty is at all. You can not compare my thorns to that of the cactus."

"What a proud flower", thought the trees.

The rose tried to move its roots away from the cactus, but it could not move. As the days passed, the red rose would look at the cactus and say insulting things, like: This plant is useless? How sorry I am to be his neighbor."

The cactus never got upset and he even tried to advise the rose, saying, "God did not create any form of life without a purpose."

Spring passed, and the weather became very warm. Life became difficult in the forest, as the plants and animals needed water and no rain fell. The red rose began to wilt. One day the rose saw sparrows stick their beaks into the cactus and then fly away, refreshed.

This was puzzling, and the red rose asked the pine tree what the birds were doing. The pine tree explained that the birds got water from the cactus. "Does it not hurt when they make holes?" asked the rose.

"Yes, but the cactus does not like to see any birds suffer," replied the pine.

The rose opened its eyes in wonder and said, "The cactus has water?"

"Yes you can also drink from it. The sparrow can bring water to you if you ask the cactus for help."

The red rose felt too ashamed of its past words and behavior to ask for water from the cactus, but then it finally did ask the cactus for help. The cactus kindly agreed and the birds filled their beaks with water and watered the rose's roots.

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Lesson to learn from the Story :Thus the rose and all of us learned a lesson and never judged anyone by their appearance again.

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A wonderful story

A woman came out of her house and saw 3 old men with long white beards sitting in her front yard. She did not recognize them. She said "I don't think I know you, but you must be hungry. Please come in and have something to eat."

"Is the man of the house home?", they asked.

"No", she replied. "He's out."

"Then we cannot come in", they replied.

In the evening when her husband came home, she told him what had happened.

"Go tell them I am home and invite them in!"

The woman went out and invited the men in"

"We do not go into a House together," they replied.

"Why is that?" she asked.

One of the old men explained: "His name is Wealth," he said pointing to one of his friends, and said pointing to another one, "He is Success, and I am Love." Then he added, "Now go in and discuss with your husband which one of us you want in your home."

The woman went in and told her husband what was said. Her husband was overjoyed. "How nice!!", he said. "Since that is the case, let us invite Wealth. Let him come and fill our home with wealth!"

His wife disagreed. "My dear, why don't we invite Success?"

Their daughter was listening from the other corner of the house. She jumped in with her own suggestion: "Would it not be better to invite Love? Our home will then be filled with love!"

"Let us heed our daughter's advice," said the husband to his wife.

"Go out and invite Love to be our guest."

The woman went out and asked the 3 old men, "Which one of you is Love? Please come in and be our guest."

Love got up and started walking toward the house. The other 2 also got up and followed him. Surprised, the lady asked Wealth and Success: "I only invited Love, Why are you coming in?"

The old men replied together: "If you had invited Wealth or Success, the other two of us would've stayed out, but since you invited Love, wherever He goes, we go with him. Wherever there is Love, there is also Wealth and Success!!!!! !"

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