Quote of the Day

Telegram

It may be hard to believe, but in the days not so long ago, instant
communication as we know it today did not exist. No one had an internet
connection or a cellular phone. There was no such thing as e-mail, Facebook,
texting or Twitter.

Oh, there were telephones, but no answering machines or call forwarding, and
of course no visual copies and telephone messages could be misunderstood.
Telephone messages in those forgotten days were sent across wires which were
strung across city streets and highways throughout the nation. There were no
underground cables or satellites to transmit phone calls.

This problem had been solved by a company known as Western Union, With
offices in every city and using the telephone lines messages could be sent
in a series of dots and dashes called Morse Code. These would be printed out
in a hard copy called a telegram and usually delivered to the recipient by
hand very similar to home delivery of pizza today. These messages were known
as telegrams.

Telegrams were charged by the word and like twitter today were of necessity
short. Errors frequently occurred. Here are a few examples of telegrams gone
wrong.

Telegram 1

A husband, while on a business trip to a hill station sends a telegram to
his wife - "I wish you were here."

The message received by wife - "I wish you were her."

Telegram 2

A wife with near maturing pregnancy goes to railway station to return to her
husband. At the reservation counter, while her turn came, it was the last
ticket. Taking pity on a very old lady next to her in the queue, she offered
her berth to the old lady and sent a telegram to her husband which reached
as - "Shall be coming tomorrow, heavy rush in the train, gave birth to an
old lady."

Telegram 3

A man wants to celebrate his wife's Birthday by throwing a party. So he goes
to order a birthday cake. The salesman asks him what message he wants to put
on the cake. Well he thinks for a while and says let's put,
"You are not getting older you are getting better."

The salesman asks, "how do you want me to put it?"

The man says, "You are not getting older, at the top and you are getting
better, at the bottom."

The real fun didn't start until the cake was opened the entire party watched
the message decorated on the cake -

"You are not getting older at the top, you are getting better at the
bottom."

Teacher - student conversation

Teacher: Tum bade hokar kya karoge ?
Student: shaadi..!!!!!!
Teacher: nahi,mera matlab hai kya banoge?
Student: dulha.!!!!!!!!!!!
Teacher: oh,i mean bade hokar kya hasil karoge?
Student: dulhan !!!!
Teacher: IDIOTmera matlab bade ho kar mummy papa k liye kya karoge?
Student: bahu launga !!!!!!!
Teacher: stupid tumare papa tumse kya chahte hai?
Student: pota!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Teacher: he bhagwan, tumari zindagi ka kya maksad hai?
Student: hum do humare do, jab tak tisra nahi ho...!!!!!!......

Will it work?

Two Jews were sitting in a Tel Aviv cafe in the precarious days after
Israel first
had won its independence, and one said to the other, "I only see one way
out."
"What's that?"
"Israel must declare war on the United States."
"What are you talking about? How could that possibly help us?"
"Well, we'd lose at once and the Americans would send an occupying force.
They
would form an alliance with a new pro-American government, guarantee our
boundaries, flood us with American capital, establish our industries, and
make us
prosperous."
"Hmmmm! I see your point, but it won't work."
"Why not?"
"Because with Jewish luck, we'd win the war and spoil everything."

The Big Rocks

One day, an expert in time management was speaking to a group of business students and, to drive home a point, used an illustration those students will never
forget.
As he stood in front of the group of high-powered overachievers he said, "Okay, time for a quiz" and he pulled out a one-gallon, wide-mouth mason jar and set
it on the table in front of him.
He also produced about a dozen fist-sized rocks and carefully placed them, one at a time, into the jar. When the jar was filled to the top and no more rocks
would fit inside, he asked, "Is this jar full?"
Everyone in the class yelled, "Yes."
The time management expert replied, "Really?" He reached under the table and pulled out a bucket of gravel. He dumped some gravel in and shook the jar causing pieces of gravel to work themselves down into the spaces between the big rocks. He then asked the group once more, "Is the jar full?"
By this time the class was on to him. "Probably not,"one of them answered.
"Good!" he replied. He reached under the table and brought out a bucket of sand. He started dumping the sand in the jar and it went into all of the spaces left between the rocks and the gravel. Once more he asked the question, "Is this jar full?"
"No!" the class shouted.
Once again he said, "Good." Then he grabbed a pitcher of water and began to pour it in until the jar was filled to the brim. Then he looked at the class and asked, "What is the point of this illustration?" One eager beaver raised his hand and said, "The point is, no matter how full your schedule is, if you try really hard you can always fit some more things in it!"
"No," the speaker replied, "that's not the point. The truth this illustration teaches us is: If you don't put the big rocks in first, you'll never get them in
at all. What are the 'big rocks' in your life, time with loved ones, your faith, your education, your dreams, a worthy cause, teaching or mentoring others? Remember to put these BIG ROCKS in first or you'll never get them in at all.
So, tonight, or in the morning, when you are reflecting on this short story, ask yourself this question: What are the 'big rocks' in my life?
Then, put those in your jar first.

Words of Wisdom

Sometimes we have to go through great burdens to learn the lessons we need to learn in our lifetimes. Here are a few Lessons, that if you havent already learned them, are good to keep in mind, whereever life takes you.

1.) Life is filled with opportunities that define us. Even the once we miss.

2.)Some ambitions in life that allow for our success can also be the cause of our demise.

3.)No laws of humanity or war among honourable men permit the murder of people who have sought shelter and protection.

4.)No matter how much you learn in life, One will not be valued by what they know, but how they respond to what they dont know.

4.) A Human beings moral integrity begins when he is prepared to sacrifice his life for his convictions.

5.) Cowards die many times before death. The valiant never taste death but once.

6.)The greatest pain that comes with being in Love, is loving someone you can never have.

LIFE

IN LIFE

A careless word may kindle strife,
A cruel word may wreck a life,
A timely word may level stress,
A loving word may heal and bless!!!


Dont go the way life takes you,
Take the life the way you go,
Remember you are born to live
but not living because you are born!!!


You have to learn to love someone when
You find what makes them smile,
but
You can never truly love someone until
You know what makes them cry!!!


We close our eyes
When we pray
When we cry
When we kiss
When we Dream
Why because the most beautiful things in Life are unseen,
The must felt only by heart!!!


We never have what we Like
We never Like what we have,
But still we are Living with Hope that
Some day we will get what we Love
OR
Love what we have...


In 1 day 24 hours,
7 for sleep,
9 for earning,
2 for traveling
1 for Freshup
2 for Breakfast, Lunch, Dinner,
3 for Wife & Children
0 for MYSELF


Overall That is LIFE ( A BIG COMPROMISE )

Oh My God

Shortly after a British Airways flight had reached its cruising
altitude, the captain announced:
'Ladies and Gentlemen, this is your Captain.Welcome to Flight 293, non-stop
from London Heathrow to Toronto .
The weather ahead is good, so we should have a smooth uneventful flight.
So sit back,relax and...... OH, MY GOD !'

Silence followed!

Some moments later the captain came back on the intercom.
'Ladies and gentlemen, I'm sorry if I scared you . While I was talking
to you, a flight attendant accidentally spilled a cup of hot coffee in my
lap. You should see the front of my pants!'

One Irish passenger yelled... 'For fxxk's sake ... you should see the
back of mine!!!

*************

Good morning

- When you pray for others, God listens to you and blesses them,
and sometimes, when you are safe and happy, remember that someone has prayed
for you.


- Prayer is not a "spare wheel" that you pull out when in trouble,
but it is a "steering wheel" that directs the right path throughout.


- Do you know why a Car's WINDSHIELD is so large &
the Rearview Mirror is so small?
Because our PAST is not as important as ur FUTURE.
Look Ahead and Move on.


Friendship is like a BOOK. It takes few seconds to burn, but it takes years
to write.


- All things in life are temporary. If going well, enjoy it, they will
not last forever. If going wrong, don't worry, they can't last long
either.


- Old Friends are Gold! New Friends are Diamond! If you get a
Diamond, don't forget the Gold! Because to hold a Diamond, you always need a
Base of Gold!


- Often when we lose hope and think this is the end, GOD smiles from above
and says, "Relax, sweetheart, it's just a bend, not the end!

- When GOD solves your problems, you have faith in HIS abilities; when GOD
doesn't solve your problems HE has faith in your abilities.

- A blind person asked Swami Vivekanand: "Can there be anything worse than
losing eye sight?"
He replied: "Yes, losing your vision!"


- WORRYING does not take away tomorrows' TROUBLES, it takes away todays'
PEACE.

- Receive my simple gift of Good Morning wrapped with sincerity, tied with
care and sealed with a prayer to keep you safe and happy all day long, all
week long, all month long and all year long!

-----
Democracy is two wolves and a lamb voting on what to have for lunch. Liberty
is a well-armed lamb contesting the vote . -- Ben Franklin

As long as we have memories, yesterday remains, as long as we have hope,
tomorrow awaits, as long as we have friendship, each day is never a waste.

What we are is God's gift to us. What we become is our gift to God.
~Eleanor Powell~

I am always doing that which I cannot do, in order that I may learn how to
do it. ~Pablo Picasso~

What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to
what lies within us. ~Ralph Waldo Emerson~

It is not the mountain we conquer but ourselves.~Edmund Hillary~

Who Wants to be a Millionaire

A contestant on "Who Wants to be a Millionaire? " had reached the final
Plateau. If she answered the next question correctly, she would win $1,000,000. If she answered incorrectly, she would pocket only the $32,000 Milestone money. And as she suspected it would be, the million-dollar question was no pushover.
It was, "Which of the following species of birds does not build its own nest, but instead lays its eggs in the nests of other birds?
Is it:
A) the condor
B) the buzzard
C) the cuckoo
D) the vulture
The woman was on the spot. She did not know the answer. And she was doubly on the spot because she had used up her 50/50 Lifeline and her Audience Poll Lifeline. All that remained was her Phone-a-Friend Lifeline.
The woman hoped she would not have to use it because her friend was, well ...blonde.
She had no alternative. She called her friend and gave her the question and the four choices. The blonde responded unhesitatingly: "That's easy. The answer is C: the cuckoo."
The contestant had to make a decision and make it fast. She considered employing a reverse strategy and giving Regis any answer except the one that her friend had given her. Considering that her friend was a blonde, which would seem to be the logical thing to do. But her friend had responded with such confidence, such certitude, that the contestant could
Not help but be persuaded.
"I need an answer," said Regis.
Crossing her fingers, the contestant said, "C: The cuckoo."
"Is that your final answer?"
"Yes, that is my final answer."

Two minutes later, Regis said, "That answer is absolutely correct! You are now a millionaire! "
Three days later, the contestant hosted a party for her family and friends, including the blonde who had helped her win the million dollars.
"Jeni, I just do not know how to thank you," said the contestant.
"How did you happen to know the right answer?"



Wait for it,,,,



"Oh, come on," said the blonde.. "Everybody knows that cuckoos don't build nests. They live in clocks

love quotes

what is love?
Love is someone breaks ur heart and the most amazing thing is that u stil love the person with each broken piece.

words by a broken heart-
plz don't turn back and face me one more time.
bcoz i do not have one more heart to loose with ur smile.

lines by a true lover-
i do not fear to loose her.
but, my fear is that...
if i loose her, who will love her like me???

Lastly, this message is 4 all the people who rejeceted love and broke so many hearts-

the heart which you love ,may not know your love...
but the heart which loves u, knows nothing other than love.....
So love the love which truly loves you

Qualities of a Wife

[1] Men want 3 qualities in wives: Frugal in kitchen, artist in home & devil
in bed. But they get artist in kitchen, devil in home & Frugal in Bed.

[2] Q: Why do women live longer than men?
A: Shopping never causes heart attacks, but paying the bill does!

[3] Before marriage: Roses are red, sky is blue. You are beautiful, and I love
you.
After marriage: Roses are dead, I'm blue. You are my headache, and one day
I will kill you.

[4] Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends. You
order what you want, then when you see what the other person has, you wish
you had ordered that.

[5] Man:Is there any way for long life?
Dr:Get married.
Man: Will it help?
Dr: No, but the thought of long life will never come.

[6] Why do couples hold hands during their wedding?
It's a formality just like two boxers shaking hands before the fight
begins!

[7] Wife: Darling today is our anniversary, what should we do?
Husband: Let us stand in silence for 2 minutes.

[8] They say that marriage makes a man dizzy, and it's true. As soon as I got
a wife, I lost my balance at the bank.

Birth story

By an Anonymous 2nd grade teacher

I've been teaching now for about fifteen years. I have two kids myself, but the best birth story I know is the one I saw in my own second-grade classroom a few
years back.

When I was a kid, I loved show-and-tell. So I always have a few sessions with my students. It helps them get over shyness and usually, show- and-tell is pretty
tame. Kids bring in pet turtles, model airplanes,pictures of fish they catch, stuff like that. And I never, ever place any boundaries or limitations on them. If they want to lug it in to school and talk about it, they're welcome.

Well, one day this little girl, Erica, a very bright,very outgoing kid, takes her turn and waddles up to the front of the class with a pillow stuffed under her
sweater. She holds up a snapshot of an infant.

"This is Luke, my baby brother, and I'm going to tell you about his birthday. First, Mom and Dad made him as a symbol of their love, and then Dad put a seed in my
Mom's stomach, and Luke grew in there. He ate for nine months through an umbrella cord."

She's standing there with her hands on the pillow, and I'm trying not to laugh and wishing I had my camcorder with me. The kids are watching her in amazement.

"Then, about two Saturdays ago, my Mom starts saying and going, 'Oh, oh, oh, oh!' " Erica puts a hand behind her back and groans. "She walked around the house for, like an hour, 'Oh, oh, oh!'

Now this kid is doing a hysterical duck walk and groaning.

"My Dad called the middle wife. She delivers babies, but she doesn't have a sign on the car like the Domino's man. They got my Mom to lie down in bed like this."

Then Erica lies down with her back against the wall.

"And then, pop! My Mom had this bag of water she kept in there in case he got thirsty, and it just blew up and spilled all over the bed, like psshhheew!"

This kid has her legs spread and with her little hands are miming water flowing away. It was too much!

"Then the middle wife starts saying 'push, push,' and 'breathe, breathe.' They started counting, but never even got past ten. Then, all of a sudden, out comes my
brother. He was covered in yucky stuff, they all said it was from Mom's play-center!, so there must be a lot of stuff inside there."

Then Erica stood up, took a big theatrical bow and returned to her seat. I'm sure I applauded the loudest. Ever since then, if it's show-and-tell day, I bring my camcorder, just in case another Erica comes along.

Meeting God

There once was a little boy who wanted to meet God. He knew it was a long trip to where God lived, so he packed his suitcase with cupcakes, several cans of root beer and started on his journey.

When he had gone about three blocks, he saw an elderly woman. She was sitting on a park bench watching the pigeons. The boy sat down next to her and opened his suitcase. He was about to take a drink from his root beer when he noticed the lady looked hungry so he offered her a cupcake. She gratefully accepted and smiled at him.

Through moral stories, the idea is to present the greatness of the humanity.
Her smile was so wonderful that he wanted to see it again, so he offered a root beer as well. Once again she smiled at him. The boy was delighted! They sat there all afternoon eating and smiling without saying a word.
As it began to grow dark, the boy realized how tired he was and wanted to go home. He got up to leave but before he had gone no more than a few steps, he turned around and ran back to the old woman, giving her a big hug. She gave him her biggest smile ever.

Through moral stories, the idea is to present the greatness of the humanity.
When the boy arrived home his Mother was surprised by the look of joy on his face. She asked, "What has made you so happy today?" He replied, "I had lunch with God." Before his mother could respond he added, "You know what? She's got the most beautiful smile in the whole world!"
Meanwhile, the old woman, also radiant with joy, returned to her home. Her son was stunned by the look of peace on her face. He asked, "Mother, what has made you so happy today?" She replied, "I ate cupcakes in the park with God." And before her son could reply, she added, "You know, he is much younger than I expected."
Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring; all of which have the potential to turn life around.People come into our lives for a reason, a season, or a lifetime.

Reason To Smile

Comedian George Burns said that he was advised: "Let a smile be your umbrella." He said, "I tried that once. I had pneumonia for six weeks and shrunk a $450 suit."
All right. Maybe it won't keep you dry in the rain, but there are other good reasons to smile. Author Brian Tracy tells us that the face requires 12 muscles to smile and 103 to frown. (Who counts these things?) He also says that whenever you smile at another person, it puts them at ease and raises their self-esteem. And if that isn't enough, when you smile it releases endorphins in your brain and gives you a feeling of well-being and contentment.
So a smile benefits the giver as well as the receiver. It's like receiving a gift in return every time we give one away!
Rabbi Hirsch gives more reasons to smile:
Smiling is a universal language.
+ People will enjoy being around you when you smile.
+ Smiling reduces stress, which may improve your overall health.
+ Smiling will change the sound qualities of your voice when you speak or sing.
+ A smile costs nothing but gives much. It enriches those who receive it, without making poorer those who give.
+ It takes but a moment, but the memory of it lasts forever.
+ It cannot be bought, begged, borrowed, or stolen, for it is something that is of no value to anyone until it is given away.
And finally, some people are too tired to give you a smile. Give them one of yours, as no one needs a smile so much as one who has no more to give.
Why not give out a few extra smiles today -- just for the fun of it!

A Complete Genius

While meandering through a bookstore, I discovered a wealth of books for dummies and idiots. You have probably seen the many volumes directed at stupid people, such as Computers for Dummies and Complete Idiot's Guide to Dating. I even saw Complete Idiot's Guide to Near-Death Experiences! There are hundreds of titles in each of these very popular series, and the number is growing rapidly.

I was struck by how readily we identify ourselves as dummies and idiots. Obviously we think we are stupid, and these books will help. I wonder what would happen if I published a similar series for geniuses, such as Golf for Sages or The Complete Genius's Guide to Home Repair. I have a hunch they wouldn't sell very well at all. Not because we are not geniuses. Because we have been trained to regard ourselves as stupid.

When I was little, I sat on my front porch one morning and sang several rousing verses of "Take Me Out to the Ballgame." A few days later I overheard my mother casually tell someone, "Alan has a foghorn voice." That idea made an impression on me, and I did not sing for many years. After all (at that age), your mother knows everything, and if she said I couldn't sing, I couldn't sing.
Perhaps you had a similar experience. Perhaps early in life you adopted a thought about yourself that defined you as small, ugly, incapable, or unlovable. Most of us did. And perhaps you went on to live as if that identity was true. And perhaps, like many, you collected a pool of tears in your heart and went through life hurting because you wished you could be more.

You are more. The genius you were born as, still lives, and can be reactivated at any moment. Genius is your reality and the dark programming is your adopted personality. When Abraham (through Esther Hicks) was challenged, "You can't teach an old dog new tricks," Abraham answered, "You have no idea what an old dog you are!" Who you were before you learned self-defeating tricks, is still very much available and eager to come forth and shine.

There is a story in the annals of education about an elementary school teacher who arrived on the first day of school and perused her class roster. Next to each child's name was the number of a very high I.Q. "126, 135, 140," Miss Everett read aloud, eyebrows raised. "Thank goodness I finally got a bright class!"
Miss Everett went on to stimulate the loftiest abilities in her wiz-kids. She gave them challenging projects, took them on field trips, and offered them leeway to explore their work in creative ways. At the end of the semester all the students earned A's and B's. The day after report cards came out, the principal called her into his office and asked, "Miss Everett, what did you do with these kids?"
"What do you mean?" she asked innocently.
"You took some of the lowest-functioning students in the school and turned them into geniuses!"

"I don't understand what you're talking about," the teacher replied. "These kids were bright when I got them. Here, just look at their I.Q.'s in my roll book."
The principal scanned her roster and replied, astonished, "Miss Everett, these are their locker numbers!"

Where Is God?

He was just a little boy, on a week's first day.
He was wandering home from Sunday school and dawdling on the way.
He scuffed his shoes into the grass, he found a caterpillar.
He found a fluffy milkweed pod and blew out all the "filler."
A bird's nest in a tree overhead, so wisely placed on high.
Was just another wonder that caught his eager eye.
A neighbor watched his zig zag course and hailed him from the lawn;asked him where he'd been that day and what was going on.
"I've been to Bible school" he said and turned a piece of sod.
He picked up a wiggly worm replying, 'I've learned a lot of God"..
"M'm very fine way" the neighbor said, "for a boy to spend his time."
"If you tell me where God is, I'll give you a brand new dime."
Quick as a flash the answer came. Nor were his accents faint.
"I'll give you a dollar, mister, if you can tell me where God ain't."

A Lesson In Heart

A lesson in "heart" is my little, 10-year-old daughter, Sarah, who was born with a muscle missing in her foot and wears a brace all the time. She came home one beautiful spring day to tell me she had competed in "field day" -that's where they have lots of races and other competitive events. Because of her leg support, my
mind raced as I tried to think of encouragement for my Sarah, things I could say to her about not letting this get her down-but before I could say anything, she said, "Daddy, I won two of the races!" I couldn't believe it! And then Sarah said, "I had an advantage." I knew it. I thought she must have been given a head start...some kind of physical advantage.
But again, before I could say anything, she said, "Daddy, I didn't
get a head start...my advantage was I had to try harder!"

Love is Complete Trust and Faithfulness

A boy and a girl were playing together. The boy had a collection of marbles. The girl had some sweets with her. The boy told the girl that he will give her all his marbles in exchange for her sweets. The girl agreed.

The boy kept the biggest and the most beautiful marble aside and gave the rest to the girl. The girl gave him all her sweets as she had promised.

That night, the girl slept peacefully. But the boy couldn't sleep as he kept wondering if the girl had hidden some sweets from him the way he had hidden his best marble.

Moral of the story: If you don't give your hundred percent in a relationship, you'll always keep doubting if the other person has given his/her hundred percent.. This is applicable for any relationship like love, employer-employee relationship etc., Give your hundred percent to everything you do and sleep peacefully.

Can Men Win ?

If you stay home and do the housework, you are a pansy !
If you work too hard, there is never any time for us !
If you don't work enough, you are a good-for-nothing bum !

If we have a boring repetitive job with low pay, this is exploitation !
If you have a boring repetitive job with low pay, you should get off your butt and find something better !

If you get a promotion ahead of us, that is favoritism !
If we get a job ahead of you, it's equal opportunity !

If you mention how nice we look, it's sexual harassment !
If you keep quiet, it is male indifference !

If you cry, you are a wimp !
If you don't, you are an insensitive bastard !

If you slap us, it's wife bashing !
If we slap you, it's self defense !

If you make a decision without consulting us, you are a chauvinist !
If we make a decision without consulting you, we are liberated women !

If you ask us to do something we don't enjoy, that's domination !
If we ask you, it's a favor !

If you appreciate the female form and frilly underwear, you are a sex-pervert !
If you don't, you are a homosexual !

If you like us to shave our legs and keep in shape, you are sexist !
If you don't, you are un-romantic !

If you try to keep yourself in shape, you are vain !
If you don't, you are a slob !

If you buy us flowers, you are after something !
If you don't, you are not thoughtful !

If you are proud of your achievements, you are up on yourself !
If you don't, you are not ambitious !

If we have a headache, we are tired !
If you have a headache, you don't love us anymore !

If you want sex with us too often, you are oversexed !
If you don't, there must be someone else !

Murphy's Laws on Women

1. Chances are - If you think that a woman is beautiful, she will always have a husband, or a boy-friend - to prove it!

2. Chances are - The more beautiful a woman is, the greater the chances that, she may dump you!

3. Chances are - The more make up - a woman wears - she may look proprtionately uglier!

4. Chances are - the man standing next to a beautiful woman and chatting with her, may not be her brother!

5. Chances are - if the woman whom you like, likes you back, she may let you know about her interest in you, after you are married to another lady!

6. Chances are - The more you ignore a woman, the more she would be interested in you!

7. Chances are - The more you chase a woman, the faster she may run away from you!

8. Chances are - The more you like a woman, the more her father will dislike you !

9. Chances are - the number of bullets in the gun owned by the father of the woman you like, maybe directly proportional to the extent of your interest in his daughter!

10. Chances are - when you get a woman to be alone with you, her friend will come to meet her!

11. Chances are - when you get a woman to be alone with you, her friend who comes to meet her, will be a handsome and very exciting male hunk!

12. Chances are - the day, the woman whom you like comes to talk to you, that may be the day when, you are most badly dressed!

13. Chances are - the day, the woman whom you like comes to talk to you, that may be the day when, you forgot to brush your teeth!

14. Chances are - the day, the woman whom you like comes to talk to you, that may be the day when, you forgot to wear body deodarant!

15. Chances are - the day, the woman whom you like comes to talk to you, that may be the day when, you have an itch problem!

16. Chances are - the day, the woman whom you like comes to talk to you, that may be the day when, you have a gas problem in your tummy!

17. Chances are - the day, the woman whom you like comes to talk to you, that may be the day when, your ex-girl friend comes to re-concile with you!

18. Only 35 % of the women in this world are supposed to be beautiful. Chances are that, it is only the balance 65 %, who may be in your company!

26 Things That A Perfect Guy in Love Would Do

1. Know how to make you smile when you are down .

2. Try to secretly smell your hair , but you always notice.

3. Stick up for you, but still respects your independence.

4. Give you the remote control during the game.

5. Come up behind you and put his arms around you.

6. Play with your hair .

7. His hands always find yours.

8. Be cute when he really wants something.

9. Offer you plenty of massages.

10. Dance with you, even if he feels like a dork.

11. Never run out of love.

12. Be funny, but know how to be serious.

13. Realize he's being funny when he needs to be serious.

14. Be patient when you take forever to get ready.

15. React so cutely when you hit him and it actually hurts.

16. Smile a lot.

17. Plans a romantic date full of cheesy things he wouldn't Normally like to do, just because he knows it means a lot to you.

18. Appreciate you.

19. Help others out.

20. Drive 5 hours just to see you for 1.

21. Always gives you a peck on the cheek when you depart from Each others company, even when his friends are watching.

22. Sing, even if he can't.

23. Have a creative sense of humor.

24. Stare at you.

25. Call for no reason.

26. Quit smoking, chewing, drinking, or drugs

Credit Card

Everyone in the wedding ceremony were watching the radiant bride as her father escorted her down the aisle to give away to groom.They reached the altar and the waiting groom; the bride kissed her father and placed some thing in his hand. Everyone in the room were wondering what did the bridge give to her father. The father could feel the suspense in the air and all eyes were on him to divulge the secret and say something. So he announced "Ladies and Gentlemen today is the luckiest day of my life." Then he raises his hands with what his daughter gave him and continued, "My daughter finally, finally returned my credit card to me."

The whole audience including priest started laughing but not the poor groom.

The Power of Words & Friends

There once was a little boy who had a bad temper. His father gave him a bag of nails and told him that every time he lost his temper, he must hammer a nail into the back of the fence. The first day the boy had driven 37 nails into the fence. Over the next few weeks, as he learned to control his anger, the number of nails hammered daily gradually dwindled down. He discovered it was easier to hold his temper than to drive those nails into the fence.

Finally the day came when the boy didn't lose his temper at all. He told his father about it and the father suggested that the boy now pull out one nail for each day that he was able to hold his temper. The days passed and the young boy was finally able to tell his father that all the nails were gone.
The father took his son by the hand and led him to the fence. He said, "You have done well, my son, but look at the holes in the fence. The fence will never be the same. When you say things in anger, they leave a scar just like this one. You can put a knife in a man and draw it out. It won't matter how many times you say I'm sorry, the wound is still there. A verbal wound is as bad as a physical one."
Friends are a very rare jewel, indeed. They make you smile and encourage you to succeed. They lend an ear, they share a word of praise, and they always want to open their hearts to us.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
"Friends are angels who lift us to our feet when our wings have trouble
remembering how to fly"-Anonymous

Examine Yourself, Watch Yourself

One day all the employees reached the office and they saw a big advice on the door on which it was written:
"Yesterday the person who has been hindering your growth in this company passed away. We invite you to join the funeral in the room that has been prepared in the gym".

In the beginning, they all got sad for the death of one of their colleagues, but after a while they started getting curious to know who was that man who hindered the growth of his colleagues and the company itself.

The excitement in the gym was such that security agents were ordered to control the crowd within the room.

The more people reached the coffin, the more the excitement heated up. Everyone thought: "Who is this guy who was hindering my progress? Well,at least he died!".

One by one the thrilled employees got closer to the coffin, and when they looked inside it they suddenly became speechless. They stood nearby the coffin, shocked and in silence, as if someone had touched the deepest part of their soul.

There was a mirror inside the coffin: everyone who looked inside it could see himself.

There was also a sign next to the mirror that said:
"There is only one person who is capable to set limits to your growth: it is YOU."

You are the only person who can revolutionize your life.

You are the only person who can influence your happiness, your realization and your success.
You are the only person who can help yourself.
Your life does not change when your boss changes, when your friends change, when your parents change, when your partner changes, when your company changes.

Your life changes when YOU change, when you go beyond your limiting beliefs, when you realize that you are the only one responsible for your life.

"The most important relationship you can have, is the one you have with yourself"

Examine yourself, watch yourself. Don't be afraid of difficulties, impossibilities and losses: be a winner, build yourself and your reality.

Some Important Lessons Life Teaches US...

1- Most Important Lesson

During my second month of nursing school, our professor gave us a pop quiz. I was a conscientious student and had breezed through the questions, until I read the last one:

"What is the first name of the woman who cleans the school?"

Surely this was some kind of joke. I had seen the cleaning woman several times. She was tall, dark-haired and in her 50s, but how would I know her name? I handed in my paper, leaving the last question blank.
Just before class ended, one student asked if the last question would count toward our quiz grade. "Absolutely," said the professor. "In your careers, you will meet many people. All are significant. They deserve your attention and care, even if all you do is smile and say 'hello'."

"I've never forgotten that lesson. I also learned her name was Dorothy.

Second Important Lesson- Pickup in the Rain

One night, at 11:30 PM, an older African American woman was standing on the side of an Alabama highway trying to endure a lashing rain storm. Her car had broken down and she desperately needed a ride.

Soaking wet, she decided to flag down the next car. A young white man stopped to help her, generally unheard of in those conflict-filled 1960s. The man took her to safety, helped her get assistance and put her into a taxi cab. She seemed to be in a big hurry, but wrote down his address and thanked him. Seven days went by and a knock came on the man's door. To his surprise, a giant console color TV was delivered to his home. A special note was attached.
It read: "Thank you so much for assisting me on the highway the other night. The rain drenched not only my clothes, but also my spirits. Then you came along. Because of you, I was able to make it to my dying husband's bedside just before he passed away. God bless you for helping me and unselfishly serving others."
Sincerely, Mrs. Nat King Cole.

Third Important Lesson - Always remember those who serve you

In the days when an ice cream sundae cost much less, a 10 year old boy entered a hotel coffee shop and sat at a table. A waitress put a glass of water in front of him.
"How much is an ice cream sundae?" he asked.
"Fifty cents," replied the waitress. The little boy pulled his hand out of his pocket and studied the coins in it. "Well, how much is a plain dish of ice cream?" he inquired. By now more people were waiting for a table and the waitress was growing impatient.
"Thirty-five cents," she brusquely replied."
The little boy again counted his coins.
"I'll have the plain ice cream," he said.
The waitress brought the ice cream, put the bill on the table and walked away. The boy finished the ice cream, paid the cashier and left. When the waitress came back, she began to cry as she wiped down the table. There, placed neatly beside the empty dish, were two nickels and five pennies - You see, he couldn't have the sundae, because he wanted to have enough left to leave her a tip.

Fourth Important Lesson - The Obstacle in Our Path

In ancient times, a King had a boulder placed on a roadway. Then he hid himself and watched to see if anyone would remove the huge rock. Some of the king's wealthiest merchants and courtiers came by and simply walked around it.
Many loudly blamed the king for not keeping the roads clear, But none did anything about getting the stone out of the way.

Then a peasant came along carrying a load of vegetables. Upon approaching the boulder, the peasant laid down his burden and tried to move the stone to the side of the road.

After much pushing and straining, he finally succeeded. After the peasant picked up his load of vegetables, he noticed a purse lying in the road where the boulder had been.

The purse contained many gold coins and a note from the king indicating that the gold was for the person who removed the boulder from the roadway. The peasant learned what many of us never understand.

Every obstacle presents an opportunity to improve our condition.

Fifth Important Lesson - Giving When it Counts

Many years ago, when I worked as a volunteer at a hospital, I got to know a little girl named Liz who was suffering from a rare and serious disease.

Her only chance of recovery appeared to be a blood transfusion from her 5-year old brother, who had miraculously survived the same disease and had developed the antibodies needed to combat the illness. The doctor explained the situation to her little brother, and asked the little boy if he would be willing to give his blood to his sister.

I saw him hesitate for only a moment before taking a deep breath and saying, "Yes, I'll do it if it will save her.." As the transfusion progressed, he lay in bed next to his sister and smiled, as we all did, seeing the color returning to her cheeks. Then his face grew pale and his smile faded. He looked up at the doctor and asked with a trembling voice, "Will I start to die right away?"

Being young, the little boy had misunderstood the doctor; he thought he was going to have to give his sister all of his blood in order to save her.

You see, understanding and attitude, after all, is everything.

DENTIST

A dentist, after completing work on a patient, came to him and asked; “Could you help me? Could you give out a few of your loudest, most painful screams?”

The surprised patient said; “Why doctor ? It wasn’t all that bad this time !!!”

The dentist said; “There are so many people in the waiting room right now, and I don’t want to miss my four
o’clock train.”

Growing Good Corn

James Bender, in his book *How to Talk Well* (New York: McGraw-Hill Book Company, Inc., 1994) relates the story of a farmer who grew award-winning corn. Each year he entered his corn in the state fair where it won a blue ribbon. One year a newspaper reporter interviewed him and learned something interesting about how he grew it.

The reporter discovered that the farmer shared is seed corn with his neighbors. "How can you afford to share your best seed corn with your neighbors when they are entering corn in competition with yours each year?" the reporter asked.

"Why sir," said the farmer, "didn't you know? The wind picks up pollen from the ripening corn and swirls it from field to field. If my neighbors grow inferior corn, cross-pollination will steadily degrade the quality of my corn. If I am to grow good corn, I must help my neighbors grow good corn."

He is very much aware of the connectedness of life. His corn cannot improve unless his neighbor's corn also improves. So it is in other dimensions. Those who choose to be at peace must help their neighbors to be at peace. Those who choose to live well must help others to live well, for the value of a life is measured by the lives it touches. And those who choose to be happy must help others to find happiness, for the welfare of each is bound up with the welfare of all.

The lesson for each of us is this: if we are to grow good corn, we must help our neighbors grow good corn.

Resume (Confidential)

Objective

Girlfriend position with an interesting, attractive, 24-38 year old man that will build on prior success as a single woman and a long term girlfriend.

Relationship Experience

Single Woman in the City, Ltd., July 2001 – Present.
Single Woman
- Posted personal ads on the internet resulting in the three highest dating periods in single woman's several year history
- Wrote and edited personal ads and personal responses to numerous men; also wrote numerous interesting journal entries and short stories
- Managed inside and outside dates including hiking, dinner, drinks, sleepovers, museum outings, plays, music, and weekend trips
- Trained dates on etiquette through the use of role-plays, briefings, conversations, and emails
- Developed strategic plan to enjoy life as single woman including painting, reading, running, yoga, writing, and movie watching
- Managed life so that dating was not the only concentration
- Maintained friendships with other single women, old boyfriends, some new acquaintances

Long-Term Girlfriend, Inc., April 1999 - July 2001
Long-Term Girlfriend
- Consultant to boyfriend on wardrobe, cooking, and family relationship issues
- Participated in numerous debates including politics, existentialism, religion, business, and toilet seat positions
- Formulated and implemented dating plan including extensive hiking, breakfasts in bed, high levels of cuddling, and fun with friends and alone
- Wrote and edited online and print love letters
- Defined boundaries for success as an entity of my own, not the other half of boyfriend
- Responsible for PR with our friends to ensure that we kept all friendships and enjoyed time apart

Volunteer Activities

Conversation partner for mother, some cleaning and cooking, massages, and love
Education
Life

References available after we become acquainted.

Sweet Story

A small child walked daily to and from school. As the day progressed, the winds whipped up, along with thunder and lightning. The weather was becoming frightening and dangerous as the lightning got steadily worse.

Being concerned, the child's mother got into her car and drove along the route to her child's school. Soon she saw her small child walking along, but at each flash of lightning, the child would stop, look and smile.
One followed another, each time her child stopping, looking at the streak of light and smiling. Finally, the mother called and asked, "What are you doing?"

Her child answered, "God keeps taking pictures of me."

You Always Have a Chance

You have the power to do things you never dreamed possible.
This power becomes available to you as soon as you change your beliefs.
If you did all the things you're capable of doing,
you would literally amaze yourself.

You know what you are today,but not what you may become tomorrow.
Look at things as you want them to be,and then make those things happen.
You don't know what you can do until you try.

You can do anything you wish to do,have anything you wish to have,
be anything you wish to be.

Never say never.

Three Types of Listeners

It was a king's court, the ministers, pundits and artists were all seated in their respective places. The king and his ministers had earned quite a name and fame for their wit and wisdom. One day a sage entered the court. He was given a warm welcome with all honor due to him. The king asked him: "Oh revered one! May I know what brings you here? We are very happy on account of your presence here today." The sage replied: "Oh King, your court is reputed for its wit and wisdom. I have brought three beautiful dolls and I would like to have an assessment and evaluation of these dolls done by your ministers.

"He presented to the king the three dolls. The king called his senior most minister and gave him the dolls for examination and evaluation. The minister just looked once at the dolls and commanded a royal messenger to fetch him a thin steel-wire.

The minister inserted the wire into the right ear of one of the dolls. The wire came out of the left ear. He kept it aside. He took up another doll and once again passed the wire into its right ear. It came out of the mouth of the doll. He kept that doll in one place. He took up the third doll and inserted the wire, it neither came out of the other ear nor from the mouth.

The king and the courtiers were eagerly watching the scene. The minister paying his tributes to the sage said: "Oh revered one." Of the three dolls, the third one is the best. The three dolls actually are symbolic of three types of listening. There are three types of listeners, in the world. The first type listen to every word, only to pass it out from the other ear. The second type listen well, remember it well only to speak out all that they have heard. The third type listen, retain everything they have heard and treasure it up in their hearts. They are the best type of listeners."

The sage congratulated the king and the minister on the successful evaluation of the dolls and blessing them both, left the court.

The Meaning Of Life

If you’ve never asked the question
Who or when or why or how
Give your mind that great suggestion
Go ahead and do it now
You will find when you consider
All the options that abound
There is still but one conclusion
Where peace of mind is found
It not in education
In religion of in books
In retirement funds and IRAs
Or how the market looks
It’s not in status or in style
How low in golf you score
It’s not the running of a mile
Or who you’re working for
It’s not the price you pay for things
It’s not the jewels and fancy rings
It’s not the checks and credit cards
Secured by all those guns and guards
It’s not the beauty of your face
It’s not a matter of your race
It’s not the muscle on your bones
Your classy looks or great skin tones
What matter most in life today
Is where you stand along the way
Not what you have, but what you are
How faith in God succeeds by far
God is the answer to the question
Of the who, when, why or how
And he gives the invitation
Trust in me and do it now
You’ll find God meets your deepest need
With His kind words your soul he’ll feed
He guide your steps and make things right
He’ll turn darkness into light.

Gods and Demons

A god and a demon went to learn about the Self from a great sage. They studied with him for a long time. At last the sage told them, 'You yourselves are the Being you are seeking.' Both of them thought that their bodies were the Self.
They went back to their people quite satisfied and said, 'We have learned everything that was to be learned; eat, drink, and be merry; we are the Self; there is nothing beyond us.' The nature of the demon was ignorant, clouded; so he never inquired any further, but was perfectly contented with the idea that he was God, that by the Self was meant the body. The god had a purer nature. He at first committed the mistake of thinking: I, this body, am Brahman: so keep it strong and in health, and well dressed, and give it all sorts of enjoyments. But, in a few days, he found out that that could not be the meaning of the sage, their master; there must be something higher. So he came back and said, 'Sir, did you teach me that this body was the Self? If so, I see all bodies die; the Self cannot die.' The sage said, 'Find it out; thou art That.' Then the god thought that the vital forces which work the body were what the sage meant. But, after a time, he found that if he ate, these vital forces remained strong, but, if he starved, they became weak.
The god then went back to the sage and said, 'Sir, do you mean that the vital forces are the Self?' The sage said, 'Find out for yourself; thou art That.' The god returned home once more, thinking that it was the mind, perhaps, that was the Self. But in a short while he saw that thoughts were so various, now good, again bad; the mind was too changeable to be the Self. He went back to the sage and said, 'Sir, I do not think that the mind is the Self; did you mean that?' 'No,' replied the sage, 'thou art That; find out for yourself.'
The god went home, and at last found that he was the Self, beyond all thought, one without birth or death, whom the sword cannot pierce or the fire burn, whom the air cannot dry or the water melt, the beginningless and endless, the immovable, the intangible, the omniscient, the omnipotent Being; that It was neither the body nor the mind, but beyond them all. So he was satisfied; but the poor demon did not get the truth, owing to his fondness for the body.
This world has a good many of these demonic natures, but there are some gods too. If one proposes to teach any science to increase the power of sense--enjoyment, one finds multitudes ready for it. If one undertakes to show the supreme goal, one finds few to listen to him. Very few have the power to grasp the higher, fewer still the patience to attain to it.

A Baby’s Smile

Have you ever been a doctor’s waiting room and looked around at all the glum faces waiting impatiently to be seen? Dr. Stephen K. Sproul, a veterinarian in Raytown, Missouri, told of a typical spring day when his waiting room was full of clients waiting to have their pets inoculated, No one was talking to anyone else, and all were probably thinking of a dozen other things they would rather be doing than “wasting time” sitting in that office. He told one of our classes: “There were six or seven clients waiting when a young woman came in with a nine-month old baby and a kitten. As lick would have it, she sat down next to a gentleman who was more than a little distraught about the long wait for service. The next thing he knew, the baby just looked up at him with that great big smile that is so characteristic of babies. What did that gentleman do? Just what you and I would do, of course; he smiled back at the baby. Soon he struck up a conversation with the woman about her baby and grandchildren, and soon the entire reception room joined in, and the boredom and tension were converted into pleasant and enjoyable experience.”

A love letter to a cat

A love letter to a cat? Why not? At least Andrew thought it might work. This is an actual love letter written by a boy to his cat.
But before you read the letter, you must understand this about the cat. She is about as affectionate as a cactus. And besides, she goes to great lengths to avoid Andrew. She would rather sleep the day away in one of her many hiding places scattered throughout the boy's house than be near him. And on one of those rare occasions when she makes an appearance, he can forget about touching her. If he never has anything to do with her, that is all right by the cat.
The boy tries his best to be nice. He looks for her, searching the house for an occupied hiding place, and feels abundantly grateful if he should stumble upon his treasure. He is occasionally allowed to stroke her once or twice before she flits off. He even feeds her, hoping to eventually win her confidence and perhaps even a bit of affection. But he is seldom rewarded with anything like attention.
Now that you know something about the cat, whose name is Mehitabel, by the way, what about the love letter? It was found next to the cat's food dish. This is what it said: "To cat (he couldn't spell Mehitabel!): I love you. Before you love me I will love you more.
Love, Andrew. Meow!"
What a selfless love! "I love you. Before you love me I will love you more." That is the kind of patient love a parent may have for a child. And the kind of love God has for us, God's children.
There is something beautifully excessive about a love that says, "Before you love me I will love you more." I believe we can use more excessive lovers!

Patience

You might remember comedian Yakov Smirnoff. When he first came to the United States from Russia he was not prepared for the incredible variety of instant products available in American grocery stores. He says, “On my first shopping trip, I saw powdered milk -- you just add water, and you get milk. Then I saw powdered orange juice -- you just add water, and you get orange juice. And then I saw baby powder, and I thought to my self, What a country!”
We live in a fast-paced world. We drive fast cars. We eat fast food. We live in the fast lane. We want it now. One old story tells of a judge who was in a benevolent mood as he questioned the prisoner. “What are you charged with?” he asked. “Doing my Christmas shopping early," replied the defendant. “That's no offense,” said the judge. “How early were you doing this shopping?” “Before the store opened,” countered the prisoner.
Few of us will go to those extremes to satisfy our desire to “get it now,” but we know what we want and we wish we could have it yesterday. We don't like to wait. Though there is certainly a place for decisiveness and action, there is also a place for patience. Have you learned when to wait?

Wait for the sunrise...there will be another day.
Wait for guidance...learn to be still.
Wait for wisdom...it will come with experience.
Wait for growth...it will come in the fullness of time.
Wait and be contented...it is a secret to inner peace.

There is a time to act, but there is also a time to wait. Learn how to tell what time it is, for great things can happen for those who learn to wait. Ralph Waldo Emerson said it well: “Adopt the pace of nature, her secret is patience.”
Moral stories can improve your moral values.
--Steve Goodier

20 Ways To Confuse Santa Claus!

1. Instead of milk and cookies, leave him a salad, and a note explaining that you think he could stand to lose a few pounds.

2. While he's in the house, go find his sleigh and write him a speeding ticket.

3. Leave him a note, explaining that you've gone away for the holidays. Ask if he would mind watering your plants.

4. While he's in the house, replace all his reindeer with exact replicas. Then wait and see what happens when he tries to get them to fly.

5. Keep an angry bull in your living room. If you think a bull goes crazy when he sees a little red cape, wait until he sees that big, red Santa suit!

6. Build an army of mean-looking snowmen on the roof, holding signs that say "We hate Christmas," and "Go away Santa."

7. Leave a note by the telephone, telling Santa that Mrs. Claus called and wanted to remind him to pick up some milk and a loaf of bread on his way home.

8. Throw a surprise party for Santa when he comes down the chimney. Refuse to let him leave until the strippers arrive.

9. While he's in the house, find the sleigh and sit in it. As soon as he comes back and sees you, tell him that he shouldn't have missed that last payment, and take off.

10. Leave a plate filled with cookies and a glass of milk out, with a note that says,"For The Tooth Fairy. :)" Leave another plate out with half a stale cookie and a few drops of skim milk in a dirty glass with a note that says, "For Santa. :("

11. Take everything out of your house as if it's just been robbed. When Santa arrives, show up dressed like a policeman and say, "Well, well. They always return to the scene of the crime."

12. Leave out a copy of your Christmas list with last-minute changes and corrections.

13. While he's in the house, cover the top of the chimney with barbed wire.

14. Leave lots of hunting trophies and guns out where Santa's sure to see them. Go outside, yell, "Ooh! Look! A deer! And he's got a red nose!" and fire a gun.

15. Leave Santa a note, explaining that you've moved. Include a map with unclear and hard-to-read directions to your new house.

16. Set a bear trap at the bottom of the chimney. Wait for Santa to get caught in it, and then explain that you're sorry, but from a distance, he looked like a bear.

17. Leave out a Santa suit, with a dry-cleaning bill.

18. Paint "hoof-prints" all over your face and clothes. While he's in the house, go out on the roof. When he comes back up, act like you've been "trampled." Threaten to sue.

19. Instead of ornaments, decorate your tree with Easter eggs.

20. Dress up like the Easter Bunny. Wait for Santa to come and then say, "This neighborhood ain't big enough for the both of us."

Follow Your Dream

I have a friend named Monty Roberts who owns a horse ranch in San Ysidro. He has let me use his house to put on fund-raising events to raise money for youth at risk programs. The last time I was there he introduced me by saying, "I want to tell you why I let Jack use my house. It all goes back to a story about a young man who was the son of an itinerant horse trainer who would go from stable to stable, race track to race track, farm to farm and ranch to ranch, training horses. As a result, the boy's high school career was continually interrupted. When he was a senior, he was asked to write a paper about what he wanted to be and do when he grew up.
"That night he wrote a seven-page paper describing his goal of someday owning a horse ranch. He wrote about his dream in great detail and he even drew a diagram of a 200-acre ranch, showing the location of all the buildings, the stables and the track. Then he drew a detailed floor plan for a 4,000-square-foot house that would sit on a 200-acre dream ranch.
"He put a great deal of his heart into the project and the next day he handed it in to his teacher. Two days later he received his paper back. On the front page was a large red F with a note that read, `See me after class.'
"The boy with the dream went to see the teacher after class and asked, `Why did I receive an F?'
"The teacher said, `This is an unrealistic dream for a young boy like you. You have no money. You come from an itinerant family. You have no resources. Owning a horse ranch requires a lot of money. You have to buy the land. You have to pay for the original breeding stock and later you'll have to pay large stud fees. There's no way you could ever do it.' Then the teacher added, `If you will rewrite this paper with a more realistic goal, I will reconsider your grade.'
"The boy went home and thought about it long and hard. He asked his father what he should do. His father said, `Look, son, you have to make up your own mind on this. However, I think it is a very important decision for you.'
"Finally, after sitting with it for a week, the boy turned in the same paper, making no changes at all. He stated, `You can keep the F and I'll keep my dream.'"Monty then turned to the assembled group and said, "I tell you this story because you are sitting in my 4,000-square-foot house in the middle of my 200-acre horse ranch. I still have that school paper framed over the fireplace." He added, "The best part of the story is that two summers ago that same schoolteacher brought 30 kids to camp out on my ranch for a week." When the teacher was leaving, he said, `Look, Monty, I can tell you this now. When I was your teacher, I was something of a dream stealer. During those years I stole a lot of kids' dreams. Fortunately you had enough gumption not to give up on yours.'" Don't let anyone steal your dreams. Follow your heart, no matter what.

Detaching With Love

Sometimes people we love do things we don't like or approve of. We react. They react. Before long, we're all reacting to each other, and the problem escalates. When do we detach? When we're hooked into a reaction of anger, fear, guilt, or shame. When we get hooked into a power play -- an attempt to control or force others to do something they don't want to do. When the way we're reacting isn't helping the other person or solving the problem. When the way we're reacting is hurting us. Often, it's time to detach when detachment appears to be the least likely, or possible, thing to do.
The first step toward detachment is understanding that reacting and controlling don't help. The next step is getting peaceful -- getting centered and restoring our balance. Take a walk. Leave the room. Go to a meeting. Take a long, hot bath. Call a friend. Call on God. Breathe deeply. Find peace. From that place of peace and centering will emerge an answer, a solution.
Today, I will surrender and trust that the answer is near.

Self Appraisal

Once upon a time a Washer man was bringing up two donkeys.
Let us say Donkey-A and Donkey-B.
Donkey-A felt it was very energetic and could do better than the other. It always tried to pull the washer man’s attraction over it by taking more load and walking fast in front of him.
Innocent Donkey-B is normal, so it will walk normal, irrespective of the waterman’s presence. After a period of time, Washer man started pressurizing Donkey-B to be like Donkey-A. But Donkey-B unable to walk fast, got continuous punishment from washer man. It was crying and told personally to Donkey-A "Dear friend, only we two are here, why to compete with each other....we can carry equal load at normal
speed ".
That made Donkey-A all the more energetic and next day it told to washer man that it can carry more load and even it can run fast also.
Obviously happier washer man looked at Donkey-B.., his BP raised and he started kicking Donkey-B. Next day with smile, Donkey-A carried more load and started running fast. But it was breathtaking for Donkey-B and it couldn't act that way....But the washer man was frustrated, so he harassed Donkey-B terribly, and finally it fell down hopelessly.
Then Donkey-A felt itself as a supreme and happily started carrying more load with great speed. But now the Load of the Donkey-B is also being carried by Donkey-A., and still it has to run fast. For some period it did, finally due to fatigue it got tired and started feeling the pain. But washer man expected more from Donkey-A. It also tried best, but couldn't cope up with his owners demand. The Washer man got angry with Donkey-A also and started harassing to take more load... Donkey-A was crying for long time and then tried its best... But it couldn't meet the owner's satisfaction. Finally the day came when due to frustration the washer man killed Donkey-A and went for searching some other Donkeys.

Its an endless story....... ...
But the moral of the Story in Corporate and social life is......,

"Think all colleagues are same and that everyone is capable.... Always Share the Load equally..... Don't ever act smart in front of your Boss and never try for getting over-credit...."

The Sculptor's Attitude

I woke up early today, excited over all I get to do before the clock strikes midnight. I have responsibilities to fulfill today. I am important. My job is to choose what kind of day I am going to have.
Today I can complain because the weather is rainy or I can be thankful that the grass is getting watered for free.
Today I can feel sad that I don't have more money or I can be glad that my finances encourage me to plan my purchases wisely and guide me away from waste.
Today I can grumble about my health or I can rejoice that I am alive.
Today I can lament over all that my parents didn't give me when I was growing up or I can feel grateful that they allowed me to be born.
Today I can cry because roses have thorns or I can celebrate that thorns have roses. Today I can mourn my lack of friends or I can excitedly embark upon a quest to discover new relationships.
Today I can whine because I have to go to work or I can shout for joy because I have a job to do.
Today I can complain because I have to go to school or eagerly open my mind and fill it with rich new tidbits of knowledge.
Today I can murmur dejectedly because I have to do housework or I can feel honored because the Lord has provided shelter for my mind, body and soul.
Today stretches ahead of me, waiting to be shaped. And here I am, the sculptor who gets to do the shaping.
What today will be like is up to me. I get to choose what kind of day I will have!

Have a GREAT DAY ... unless you have other plans.

Little Chintu

Little Chintu came into the kitchen where his mother was making dinner.

His birthday was coming up and he thought this was a good time to tell his mother what he wanted.

Mom, I want a Cycle for my birthday. Little Chintu was a bit of a troublemaker.

He had gotten into trouble at school and at home. Chintu's mother asked him if he thought he deserved to get a Cycle for his birthday. Little Chintu, of course, thought he did.

Chintu's mother wanted Chintu to reflect on his behavior over the last year..

Go to your room, Chintu, and think about how you have behaved this year.

Then write a letter to Krishna and tell him why you deserve a Cycle for your birthday.

Little Chintu stomped up the steps to his room and sat down to write Krishna a letter.

*************

Letter 1

Dear Krishna ,
I have been a very good boy this year and I would like a Cycle for my birthday.
I want a red one.

Your friend,
Chintu

**************

Chintu knew that this wasn't true. He had not been a very good boy this year,
So he tore up the letter and started over.

**************

Letter 2

Dear Krishna ,
This is your friend Chintu. I have been a good boy this year and I would like A red Cycle for my birthday. Thank you.

Your friend,
Chintu

**************

Chintu knew that this wasn't true either. So, he tore up the letter and started again.

**************

Letter 3

Dear Krishna ,
I have been an OK boy this year. I still would really like a Cycle for my birthday.

Chintu

**************

Chintu knew he could not send this letter to Krishna either. So, Chintu wrote a fourth letter.

*************

Letter 4

Krishna ,
I know I haven't been a good boy this year. I am very sorry. I will be a good boy if you just send me a Cycle for my birthday.

Please! Thank you,
Chintu

**************

Chintu knew, even if it was true, this letter was not going to get him a Cycle.

Now, Chintu was very upset. He went downstairs and told his mom that he wanted to go to temple.

Chintu's mother thought her plan had worked, as Chintu looked very sad.

Just be home in time for dinner, Chintu's mother told him.

Chintu walked down the street to the temple on the corner.

Little Chintu went into the temple and up to the altar.

He looked around to see if anyone was there. Chintu bent down and picked up a statue of the radha.

He slipped the statue under his shirt and ran out of the temple, down the street, into the house, and up to his room.

He shut the door to his room and sat down with a piece of paper and a pen.

Chintu began to write his letter to Krishna.

**************

Letter 5

Krishna ,

I'VE KIDNAPPED YOUR GIRLFRIEND. IF YOU WANT TO SEE HER AGAIN, SEND ME THE CYCLE ...

Awesome 'S/W' Quotes..

UNIX is simple. But It just needs a genius to understand its simplicity.
-Dennis Ritchie

Before software can be reusable, it first has to be usable.
-Ralph Johnson

Good judgment comes from experience, and experience comes from bad judgment.
-Fred Brooks

It's hard enough to find an error in your code when you're looking for it;It's even harder when you've assumed your code is error-free.
-Steve McConnell

The trouble with the world is that the stupid are sure,and the intelligent are full of doubt.
-Bertrand Russell

If debugging is the process of removing bugs,Then programming must be the process of putting them in..
-Edsger Dijkstra

You can either have software quality or you can have pointer arithmetic;You cannot have both at the same time.
–Bertrand Meyer

There are two ways to write error-free programs; only the third works.
-Alan J. Perlis

Measuring programming progress by lines of code is like measuring aircraft building progress by weight.
-Bill Gates

The first 90% of the code accounts for the first 90% of the development time.
The remaining 10% of the code accounts for the other 90% of the development time.
-Tom Cargill

Programmers are in a race with the Universe to create bigger and better idiot-proof programs.The Universe is trying to create bigger and better idiots.So far the Universe is winning.
-Anonymous

Theory is when you know something, but it doesn't work.Practice is when something works, but you don't know why it works.
Programmers combine Theory and Practice:Nothing works and they don't know why.

The Six Phases of a Project:
• Enthusiasm
• Disillusionment
• Panic
• Search for the Guilty
• Punishment of the Innocent
• Praise for non-participants

CHOICE IS YOURS

There once lived a great mathematician in a village outside Ujjain. He was often called by the local king to device on matters related to the economy.His reputation had spread as far as Taxila in the North and Kanchi in the South. So it hurt him very much when the village headman told him, "You may be a great mathematician who advises the king on economic matters but your son does not know the value of gold or silver."

The mathematician called his son and asked, "What is more valuable - gold or silver?" "Gold," said the son. "That is correct. Why is it then that the village headman makes fun of you, claims you do not know the value of gold or silver? He teases me every day. He mocks me before other village elders as a father who neglects his son. This hurts me. I feel everyone in the village is laughing behind my back because you do not know what is more valuable, gold or silver. Explain this to me, son."

So the son of the mathematician told his father the reason why the village headman carried this impression. "Every day on my way to school, the village headman calls me to his house. There, in front of all village elders, he holds out a silver coin in one hand and a gold coin in other. He asks me to pick up the more valuable coin. I pick the silver coin. He laughs, the elders jeer, everyone makes fun of me. And then I go to school. This happens every day. That is why they tell you I do not know the value of gold or silver."

The father was confused. His son knew the value of gold and silver, and yet when asked to choose between a gold coin and silver coin always picked the silver coin. "Why don't you pick up the gold coin?" he asked. In response, the son took the father to his room and showed him a box. In the box were at least a hundred silver coins. Turning to his father, the mathematician's son said, "The day I pick up the gold coin the game will stop. They will stop having fun and I will stop making money."
Sometimes in life, we have to play the fool because our seniors and our peers, and sometimes even our  uniors like it. That does not mean we lose in the game of life. It just means allowing others to win in one arena of the game, while we win in the other arena of the game. We have to choose which arena matters to us and which arenas do not.

A NICE LOVE STORY..!!!

He met her on a party.

She was so outstanding, many guys chasing after her, while he so normal, nobody paid attention to him.

At the end of the party, he invited her to have coffee with him, she was surprised, but due to being polite, she promised.

They sat in a nice coffee shop, he was too nervous to say anything, she felt uncomfortable, she thought, please, let me go home.... suddenly,

he asked the waiter. "would you please give me some salt? I'd like to put it in my coffee." Everybody stared at him, so strange! His face turned red, but still, he put the salt in his coffee and drank it.

She asked him curiously; why you have this hobby?

He replied: "when I was a little boy, I was living near the sea, I like playing in the sea, I could feel the taste of the sea, just like the taste of the salty coffee. Now every time I have the salty coffee, I always think of my childhood, think of my hometown, I miss my hometown so much, I miss my parents who are still living there". While saying that tears filled his eyes.

She was deeply touched. That's his true feeling, from the bottom of his heart. A man who can tell out his homesickness, he must be a man who loves home, cares about home, has responsibility of home.

Then she also started to speak, spoke about her faraway hometown, her childhood, her family. That was a really nice talk, also a beautiful beginning of their story.

They continued to date. She found that actually he was a man who meets all her demands; he had tolerance, was kind hearted, warm, careful.

He was such a good person but she almost missed him! Thanks to his salty coffee!

Then the story was just like every beautiful love story , the princess married to the prince, then they were living the happy life...

And, every time she made coffee for him, she put some salt in the coffee e, as she knew that's the way he liked it.

After 40 years, he passed away, left her a letter which said: "My dearest, please forgive me, forgive my whole life lie. This was the only lie I said to you---the salty coffee. Remember the first time we dated? I was so nervous at that time, actually I wanted some sugar, but I said salt. It was hard for me to change so I just went ahead.I never thought that could be the start of our communication!

I tried to tell you the truth many times in my life, but I was too afraid to do that, as I have promised not to lie to you for anything..

Now I'm dying, I afraid of nothing so I tell you the truth: I don't like the salty coffee, what a strange bad taste..

But I have had the salty coffee for my whole life! Since I knew you, I never feel sorry for anything I do for you. "

Having you with me is my biggest happiness for my whole life.If I can live for the second time, still want to know you and have you for my whole life,even though I have to drink the salty coffee again".

Her tears made the letter totally wet.

Someday, someone asked her: what's the taste of salty coffee?

It's sweet. She replied.

Love is not 2 forget but 2 forgive, not 2 c but 2 understand, not 2 hear but 2 listen, not 2 let go but 2 HOLD ON !!!!

A Blind Girl

There was a blind girl who hated herself because she was blind. She hated everyone, except her loving boyfriend. He was always there for her. She told her boyfriend, 'If I could only see the world, I will marry you.' One day, someone donated a pair of eyes to her. When the bandages came off, she was able to see everything, including her boyfriend. He asked her,'Now that you can see the world, will you marry me?' The girl looked at her boyfriend and saw that he was blind. The sight of his closed eyelids shocked her. She hadn't expected that. The thought flooking at them the rest of her life led her to refuse to marry him.. Her boyfriend left in tears and days later rote a note to her saying: 'Take good care of your eyes, my dear, for before they were yours, they were mine.'

This is how the human brain often works when our status changes. Only a very few remember what life was like before, and who was always by their side in the most painful situations.

Life Is a Gift Today before you say an unkind word - Think of someone who can't speak.

Before you complain about the taste of your food - Think of someone who has nothing to eat.

Before you complain about your husband or wife - Think of someone who's crying out to GOD for a companion..

Today before you complain about life - Think of someone who went too early to heaven.

Before whining about the distance you drive Think of someone who walks the same distance with their feet.And when you are tired and complain about your job - Think of the unemployed, the disabled, and those who wish they had your job.And when depressing thoughts seem to get you down - Put a smile on yourface and think: you're alive and still around.

Arab person

Arab person sends an e-mail to his Dad saying:

Dear Dad,
Berlin is wonderful, people are nice and I really like it here, but Dad,I am bit ashamed to arrive to my college in my Gold Mercedes, when all My Teachers travel by train.

Your Son
Nasser

Sometime later Nasser gets reply to his e-mail from his Dad:

Loving son,
Twenty Million Dollars transferred to your account, please stop embarrassing us, go and get yourself a train too.

Your Dad

The Love Word

The Love Word:

After 6 weeks: I looo-ve you, I love you, I love you!
After 6 months: Of course, I love you.
After 6 years: GOD, if I didn't love you, then why did I marry you? Back from Work:

After 6 weeks: Honey, I'm home!
After 6 months: I'm BACK!!
After 6 years: Have you cooked yet? Phone Ringing:

After 6 weeks: Baby, somebody wants you on the phone.
After 6 months: Here, it's for you.
After 6 years: ANSWER THE PHONE DAM*T!! Cooking:

After 6 weeks: I never knew food could taste so good!
After 6 months: What are we having for dinner tonight?
After 6 years: DUMPLING AGAIN?? New Dress:

After 6 weeks: Wow, you look like an angel in that dress.
After 6 months: You bought a new dress again?
After 6 years: How much did THAT cost me? TV:

After 6 weeks: Baby, what would you like us to watch tonight?
After 6 months: I like this movie.
After 6 years: I'm going to watch PIRATES play, if you're not in the mood, go to bed, I can stay up by myself! Making Love:

After 6 weeks: Baby, I want you tonight?
After 6 months: Lets make another baby, my mother just called!!!
After 6 years: Please MOVE over to your side, I'm suffocating here!!!

FAQ :: INDIA

India holds a certain sense of mystery for the world outside its borders. Read on to find how curious foreigners are about India and its ways or rather read on to find out how dumb and ignorant they are about our beautiful country. This was taken from a tourism blog where people could post queries if they were planning on making a trip to India.
The answers are the actual responses by the website officials, who demonstrate tolerance and excellent sense of humor.

Q : Does it ever get windy in India ? I have never seen it rain on TV, how do the plants grow? ( UK ).
A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.

Q : Will I be able to see elephants in the street? ( USA )
A: Depends how much you've been drinking.

Q: I want to walk from Delhi to Goa - can I follow the railroad tracks? ( Sweden )
A: Sure, it's only three thousand kms, take lots of water.

Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in India? (Sweden)
A: So it's true what they say about Swedes.

Q: Are there any ATMs India ? Can you send me a list of them in Delhi , Chennai, Calcutta and Bangalore?(UK)
A: What did your last slave die of?

Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in India ? ( USA )
A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe . In-di-a is that big triangle in the middle of the Pacific & Indian Ocean which does not.. oh forget it. ...... Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Goa . Come naked.

Q: Which direction is North in India ? ( USA )
A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.

Q: Can I bring cutlery into India ? ( UK )
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.

Q: Can you send me the Indiana Pacers matches schedule? ( France )
A: Indiana is a state in the Unites States of...oh forget it. Sure, the Indiana Pacers matches are played every Tues day night in Goa , straight after the hippo races. Come naked.

Q: Can I wear high heels in India ? ( UK )
A: You're a British politician, right?

Q: Are there supermarkets in Bangalore , and is milk available all year round? ( Germany )
A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers. Milk is illegal.

Q: Please send a list of all doctors in India who can dispense rattlesnake serum. ( USA )
A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from. All Indian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets.

Q: Do you have perfume in India ? ( France )
A: No, WE don't stink in India.

Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in India ? (USA)
A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.

Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in India ? (France)
A: Only at Christmas.

Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA)
A: Yes, but you will have to learn it first

Q: Can I see Taj Mahal anytime? (Italy)
A: As long as you are not blind, you can see it anytime day and night.

Q: Do you have Toilet paper? (USA)
A: No, we use sand paper. (we have different grades).

"BOSS KIDNAPED" WHAT TO DO?

Employees of a Company are all worried. Some are roaming around. Some are in loud discussions during office time.....

Some Trainees, who had just joined, notice this and enquire about what happened to a senior employee, they ask, "What's going on?"

"Terrorists have kidnapped our Boss"

They're asking for Rs.10 Crores (2 MILLIOn US $) ransom, otherwise they're going to douse him with petrol and set him on fire.

We're going from desk to desk, taking up a collection."

One Trainee asks, "How much is everyone giving, on average?

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"About 1 liter."

Mothers Don't Care How Famous You Are

Mona Lisa's Mother: 'After all that money your father and I spent on your braces, is that the biggest smile you can give us?'

Columbus's Mother: 'I don't care what you've discovered, you still could have written !'

Michelangelo's' Mother: ' Can't you paint on walls like other children? Do you have any idea how hard it is to get that stuff off the ceiling?'

Napoleon's Mother: 'All right, if you aren't hiding your report card inside your jacket, take your hand out of there and show me.'

Abraham Lincoln's Mother:' Again with the stovepipe hat? Can't you just wear a baseball cap like the other kids?'

Mary's Mother:' I'm not upset your lamb followed you to school, but I would like to know how he got a better grade than you.

Albert Einstein's Mother:' But it's your senior picture. Can't you do something about your hair? Styling gel, mousse, something...?'

George Washington's Mother: The next time I catch you throwing money across the Potomac, you can kiss your allowance good-bye.'

Jonah's Mother':' that's a nice story. Now tell me where you've really been for the last three days.'

Thomas Edison's Mother:' Of course I'm proud that you invented the electric bulb. Now turn it off and get to bed.'

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