Quote of the Day

Fishing License

Banta was carrying a large fish in a bucket of water away from a lake, which was well known for its excellent fishing when a Fishery officer stopped him.

The officer says, "Do you have a fishing license?"

Banta replies, "Don't need a license, this is my pet fish."

"Pet fish?" the officer asked.

Banta answers, "Yes, every night I take my fish down to the lake and let him swim around for a while, then I whistle and he jumps up on shore and I put him in his bucket and we go back home."

"That's a bunch of baloney, fish can't do that."

Banta looks at the officer and says, "You want me to show you?"

Very curious now, the officer says, "O.K. I've got to see this"

Banta pours the fish into the lake then stands there waiting.

After a few minutes, the officer turns to Banta and says, "Well?"

"Well, What?" Banta says.

The Officer asks, "Are you going to call your fish back?"

"Fish! What fish?" Banta responds.

21 Golden Rules From Feng Shui

There's some mighty fine advice in these words, even if you're not superstitious.
Share it with your friends, as they also deserve to be happy.

ONE. Give people more than they expect and do it cheerfully.

TWO. Marry a man/woman you love to talk to. As you get older, their conversational skills will be as important as any other.

THREE. Don't believe all you hear, spend all you have or sleep all you want.

FOUR. When you say, 'I love you,' mean it.

FIVE. When you say, 'I'm sorry,' look the person in the eye.

SIX. Be engaged at least six months before you get married.

SEVEN. Believe in love at first sight.

EIGHT. Never laugh at anyone's dreams. People who don't have dreams don't have much.

NINE. Love deeply and passionately. You might get hurt but it's the only way to live life completely.

TEN. In disagreements, fight fairly. No name calling.

ELEVEN. Don't judge people by their relatives.

TWELVE. Talk slowly but think quickly.

THIRTEEN. When someone asks you a question you don't want to answer, smile and ask, 'Why do you want to know?'

FOURTEEN. Remember that great love and great achievements involve great risk.

FIFTEEN. Say 'bless you' when you hear someone sneeze.

SIXTEEN. When you lose, don't lose the lesson.

SEVENTEEN. Remember the three R's: Respect for self; Respect for others; and Responsibility for all your actions.

EIGHTEEN. Don't let a little dispute injure a great friendship.

NINETEEN. When you realize you 've made a mist ake, take immediate steps to correct it.

TWENTY. Smile when picking up the phone. The caller will hear it in your voice

TWENTY-ONE. Spend some time alone.

There is a Rose in each of us

The first day of school our professor introduced himself and challenged us to get to know someone we didn't already know. I stood up to look around when a gentle hand touched my shoulder. I turned around to find a wrinkled, little old lady beaming up at me with a smile that lit up her entire being.

She said, "Hi handsome. My name is Rose. I'm eighty seven years old. Can I give you a hug?" I laughed and enthusiastically responded, "Of course you may!" and she gave me a giant squeeze.

"Why are you in college at such a young, innocent age?" I asked. She jokingly replied, "I'm here to meet a rich husband, get married, have a couple of children, and then retire and travel." "No seriously," I asked. I was curious what may have motivated her to be taking on this challenge at her age. "I always dreamed of having a college education and now I'm getting one!" she told me. After class we walked to the student union building and shared a chocolate milkshake. We became instant friends. Every day for the next three months we would leave class together and talk nonstop. I was always mesmerized listening to this "time machine" as she shared her wisdom and experience with me.

Over the course of the year, Rose became a campus icon and easily made friends wherever she went. She loved to dress up and she reveled in the attention bestowed upon her from the other students. She was living it up.

At the end of the semester we invited Rose to speak at our football banquet and I'll never forget what she taught us. She was introduced and stepped up to the podium. As she began to deliver her prepared speech,she dropped her three by five cards on the floor. Frustrated and a little embarrassed she leaned into the microphone and simply said "I'm sorry. I'm so jittery. I gave up beer for Lent and this whiskey is killing me!
I'll never get my speech back in order so let me just tell you what I know." As we laughed she cleared her throat and began:

"We do not stop playing because we are old; we grow old because we stop playing. There are only four secrets to staying young, being happy, and achieving success.

"You have to laugh and find humor every day. You've got to have a dream. When you lose your dreams, you die. We have so many people walking around who are dead and don't even know it!"

"There is a huge difference between growing older and growing up. If you are nineteen years old and lie in bed for one full year and don't do one protective thing, you will turn twenty years old. If I am eighty seven years old and stay in bed for a year and never do anything I will turn eighty eight. Anybody can grow older. That doesn't take any talent or ability.

The idea is to grow up by always finding the opportunity in change." "Have no regrets. The elderly usually don't have regrets for what we did, but rather for things we did not do. The only people who fear death are those with regrets."

She concluded her speech by courageously singing "The Rose." She challenged each of us to study the lyrics and live them out in our daily lives.

At the years end Rose finished the college degree she had begun all those years ago. One week after graduation Rose died peacefully in her sleep. Over two thousand college students attended her funeral in tribute to the wonderful woman who taught by example that it's never too late to be all you can possibly be.

Baking a Cake

A very ill little boy was telling his Grandma how "everything" was going wrong ...school was too hard, family problems other than his illness, his severe pain, just all the hardships he was going through.

Meanwhile, Grandma was baking a cake. She asked the child if he would like a snack, which of course he does.

"Here. Have some cooking oil."

"Yuck," said the boy.

"How about a couple of raw eggs?"

"Gross, Grandma."

"Would you like some flour then? Or maybe baking soda?"

"Grandma, those are all yucky!"

To which the Grandma replied: "Yes, Sweetheart, those things seem bad all by themselves. But, when they are put together in the right way, they make a wonderfully delicious cake! God works the same way. Many times we wonder why he would let us go through such bad and difficult times, but, God knows that, when He puts these things all in His order, they always work for good!
We just have to trust Him and, eventually the yucky stuff will make of our lives something wonderful!"

Know all the facts.......!

One old man was sitting with his 25 years old son in the train. Train is about to leave the station. All passengers are settling down their seat. As train started young man was filled with lot of joy and curiosity. He was sitting on the window side. He went out one hand and feeling the passing air. He shouted, "Papa see all trees are going behind". Old man smile and admired son feelings. Beside the young man one couple was sitting and listing all the conversion between father and son. They were little awkward the attitude of 25 years old man behaving like a small child.

Suddenly young man again shouted, "Papa see the pond and animals. Clouds are moving with train". Couple was watching the young man in embarrassingly. Now its start raining and some of water drops touches the young man's hand. He filled with joy and he closed the eyes. He shouted again," Papa it's raining, water is touching me, see papa". Couple couldn't help themselves and ask to old man. Why don't you visit the Doctor and get treated your son.
Old man said," Yes, We were coming from hospital only. Today only my son got the eyes first time in life".

Moral: "Don't draw conclusions until you know all the facts".

Kindness of a Stranger

It was a bitter, cold evening in northern Virginia many years ago. The old man's beard was glazed by winter's frost while he waited for a ride across the river. The wait seemed endless. His body became numb and stiff from the frigid north wind.

He heard the faint, steady rhythm of approaching hooves galloping along the frozen path. Anxiously, he watched as several horsemen rounded the bend. He let the first one pass by without an effort to get his attention. Then another passed by, and another. Finally, the last rider neared the spot where the old man sat like a snow statue. As this one drew near, the old man caught the rider's eye and said, "Sir, would you mind giving an old man a ride to the other side? There doesn't appear to be a passageway by foot."

Reining his horse, the rider replied, "Sure thing. Hop aboard." Seeing the old man was unable to lift his half-frozen body from the ground, the horseman dismounted and helped the old man onto the horse. The horseman took the old man not just across the river, but to his destination, which was just a few miles away.

As they neared the tiny but cozy cottage, the horseman's curiosity caused him to inquire, "Sir, I notice that you let several other riders pass by without making an effort to secure a ride. Then I came up and you immediately asked me for a ride. I'm curious why, on such a bitter winter night, you would wait and ask the last rider. What if I had refused and left you there?"

The old man lowered himself slowly down from the horse, looked the rider straight in the eyes, and replied, "I've been around these here parts for some time. I reckon I know people pretty good." The old-timer continued, "I looked into the eyes of the other riders and immediately saw there was no concern for my situation. It would have been useless even to ask them for a ride. But when I looked into your eyes, kindness and compassion were evident. I knew, then and there, that your gentle spirit would welcome the opportunity to give me assistance in my time of need."

Those heartwarming comments touched the horseman deeply. "I'm most grateful for what you have said," he told the old man. "May I never get too busy in my own affairs that I fail to respond to the needs of others with kindness and compassion."

With that, Thomas Jefferson turned his horse around and made his way back to the White House.

LAUGHTER IS CHEAP MEDICINE

I know a couple who works in the pharmaceutical industry. He is a sales representative and she is a pharmacist. When asked what they do for a living, he is quick to reply, "She makes drugs and I sell them."

I believe it was Lord Byron who said, "Always laugh when you can. It is cheap medicine." And they're finding that to be true - quite literally.

A woman diagnosed with Rheumatoid Arthritis wrote to me and talked about how painful the disease had become. Debra said that no drugs would touch the devastating pain. "At times I prayed to die because I did not think I could go on this way," she said. But in two and a half years she weaned herself from most of her medication, which had reached a high of 21 pills a day. This is how she did it.

"I began seeing a doctor who gave me the most important prescription that I ever could have received," she said. "He excused himself from the room. I watched him walking back and forth in the hall; he seemed to be in deep thought."

The doctor came back in with this prescription: he told Debra to get some funny movies and to begin laughing. If she didn't feel like laughing, then she should smile. If she didn't feel like smiling, she should smile anyway! He said that it would increase endorphins in her brain and help with her pain.

She did just as he suggested. She smiled constantly. Her children teased her about the fake smile, but she told them that it was going to get rid of her pain. And it did. Of course, not all of her pain is gone, but her newly acquired habit of laughing and smiling has made it manageable without all of the drugs.

Today, Debra is never seen without her smile. She says that she would not even feel normal without it.

Laughter really is cheap medicine. And it's a prescription you can fill right now.

New Age Daughter In Law

The new wife was being welcomed at the husband's home in a traditional manner. As expected she gave a speech;

'My dear family, I thank you for welcoming me in my new home and family, firstly, my being here does not mean that I would want to change your way of life, your routine ..'No, I will never do that, never in a million years.'

'What do you mean my child?' asked the father-in-law.
'What I mean dad is (looking at her in-laws);

Those who used to wash the dishes must carry on washing them.
Those who used to do the laundry must carry on doing it.
Those who cooked should not stop at my account, AND
Those who used to clean should continue cleaning!!!

'And what are you here for?' enquired the mother-in-law.

' I'M HERE TO ENTERTAIN YOUR SON!!!!!'

Those who serve

In the days when an ice cream sundae cost much less, a 10 year-old boy entered a hotel coffee shop and sat at a table. A waitress put a glass of water in front of him. "How much is an ice cream sundae?" he asked. "50¢," replied the waitress.

The little boy pulled his hand out of his pocket and studied the coins in it.

"Well, how much is a plain dish of ice cream?" he inquired. By now more people were waiting for a table and the waitress was growing impatient. "35¢!" she brusquely replied.

The little boy again counted his coins. "I'll have the plain ice cream," he said. The waitress brought the ice cream, put the bill on the table and walked away. The boy finished the ice cream, paid the cashier and left.

When the waitress came back, she began to cry as she wiped down the table. There, placed neatly beside the empty dish, were two nickels and five pennies. You see, he couldn't have the sundae, because he had to have enough left to leave her a tip.

sharks

Two great white sharks, swimming in the ocean, spied a ship in distress.

"Follow me, son," the father shark said to the son shark and they swam to the ship. "First we swim around the people in the water with just the tip of our fins showing." And they did.

"Well done, son! Now we swim around them a few more times with all of our fins showing." And they did.

"Now we eat everybody." And they did.

When they were both gorged, the son asked, "Dad, why didn't we just eat them all at first? Why did we swim around them? "

His wise father replied, "Because they taste better without the shit inside!"

Another Blonde Joke....

A blonde, wanting to earn some extra money, decided to hire herself out as a "handy-woman" and started canvassing a nearby well-to-do neighborhood.

She went to the front door of the first house, and asked the owner if he had any odd jobs for her to do. "Well, I guess I could use somebody to paint my porch," he said. How much will you charge me?" The blonde quickly responded, "How about $50?"

The man agreed and told her that the paint and everything she would need was in the garage.

The man's wife, hearing the conversation, said to her husband, "Does she realize that our porch goes all the way around the house?" He responded, "That's a bit cynical, isn't it? The wife replied, "You're right. I guess I'm starting to believe all those dumb blonde jokes we've been getting by e-mail lately."

A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money. "You're finished already?" the husband asked. "Yes," the blonde replied, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats." Impressed, the man reached into his pocket for the $50.00 and handed it to her.

"And by the way," the blonde added, "it's not a Porsche, it's a Lexus."

*********

I have my own friends....

Santa came home from a secret two year mission only to find his wife, Preeto, with a new born baby. Furious, he was determined to track down the father to extract revenge.

"Was it my friend Banta", he demanded.

"No !" his weeping wife replied.

"Was it my friend Ramta then?" he asked.

"No !!!" she said even more upset.

"Well which one of my no good friends did this then?" he asked.

"Don't you think I have any friends of my own?" Preeto snapped.

*************

Test In Heaven

Ram,Shyam and Santa died. When they went up to the clouds,Ram and Shyam were asked to go to Heaven and Santa to hell.

Santa also wanted to go to Heaven and after a lot of pleading,he somehow managed to ask the Judge to have a test in the subjects English, maths and History.

In the English test Ram was asked to spell "cat",Shyam to spell "rat" and santa was asked "Thiruvanthapuram". Santa fainted.

Next day,in Math test, Ram was asked to the table of 2. Shyam, table of 5 and Santa was asked table of 59. Santa fainted again.

In History test, Ram was asked "How many world war has taken place?" He answered "2". Shyam was asked, "How many people died in second world war?" He answered "about one million".

Santa was asked to name the people who died in second world war. Santa died again.

**********

Inner Of A Brain...

Santa was competing with Harvard, Yale and MIT graduate for a job in Government. They were all invited in a all paid group discussions were Interviewer picked their thinking brains.

He asked, "Tell me, "O my prospective employees of Government, 'Tell me which is the fastest traveling thing in the world?"

The Yale guy stood up with a lightning speed and said, "Your honor, 'It is light, nothing can travel faster than light, said Albert Einstein." He smiled victory and with contempt to other candidates sat down.

The Harvard guy was just behind shaking his head, he said, "O respected, interviewer, it is the thought, because thought is so fast that it comes instantly in your mind.

The MIT guy stood up in ridicule to other two with blinking eyes, "My respected Sir, 'It is the Blink, you can Blink and its hard to realize you blinked.'" He spat on other two and sat down.

Now all the eyes were turned to the Great Santa, He stood up like a sick baby, with a grave look on his face and said, "It is inside you the force of which is the fastest."

Everybody was impressed with spirituality of Santa, they pulled their diaries to take notes of what Santa would say next and respectfully implored him to explain the inner of his hairy brain.

Santa said, "Sir last night after the all you can buffet chicken dinner you gave us in American Hotel, I was lying in my bed, I got the worst stomach cramps, and before I could Think, Blink or Turn on the lights, damned thing was over and chicken was out in hotel bed.

********

Interesting Unofficial Laws

But they're true...

"The Law of Volunteering" If you dance with a grizzly bear, you had better let him lead.

"The Law of Avoiding Oversell"When putting cheese in a mousetrap, always leave room for the mouse.

"The Law of Reality"Never get into fights with ugly people; they have nothing to lose.

"The Law of Self Sacrifice"When you starve with a tiger, the tiger starves last.

"Weiler's Law"Nothing is impossible for the man who doesn't have to do it himself.

"Law of Probable Dispersal"Whatever hits the fan will not be evenly distributed.

"Law of Volunteer Labor"People are always available for work in the past tense.

"Conway's Law"In any organization there is one person who knows what is going on. That person must be fired.

"Iron Law of Distribution"Them that has, gets.

"Law of Cybernetic Entomology"There is always one more bug.

"Law of Drunkenness"You can't fall off the floor.

"Heller's Law"The first myth of management is that it exists.

"Osborne's Law"Variables won't; constants aren't.

"Main's Law"For every action there is an equal and opposite government program.

"Weinberg's Second Law"If builders built buildings the way programmers wrote programs, then the first woodpecker that came along would have destroyed civilization.

The Dinner Table Story

Little Johnny watched his daddy's car pass by the school playground and go into the woods.

Curious, he followed the car and saw Daddy and Aunt Jane in a passionate embrace.

Little Johnny found this so exciting that he could hardly contain himself as he ran home and started to tell his mother. 'Mummy, I was at the playground and I saw Daddy's car go into the woods with Aunt Jane. I went back to look and he was giving Aunt Jane a big kiss, and then he helped her take off her shirt. Then Aunt Jane helped Daddy take his pants off, then Aunt Jane...'

At this point Mummy cut him off and said, 'Johnny, this is such an interesting story, lets save the rest of it for supper time. I want to see the look on Daddy's face when you tell it tonight..'

At the dinner table that evening, Mummy asked little Johnny to tell his story.

Johnny started his story, 'I was at the playground and I saw Daddy's car go into the woods with Aunt Jane. I went back to look and he was giving Aunt Jane a big kiss, then he helped her take off her shirt. Then Aunt Jane helped Daddy take his pants off, then Aunt Jane and Daddy started doing the same thing that Mummy and Uncle Bill used to do when Daddy was away on the rigs.'
Mummy fainted!

Moral:Sometimes you need to just shut up and listen to the whole story before you interrupt!

My appendicitis

In a train compartment, there are 3 men and a ravishing young girl. The four passengers join in conversation, which very soon turns to the erotic.

Then, the young girl proposes, "If each of you will give me $1.00, I will show you my legs." The men, charmed by this young girl, all pull a buck out
of their wallet.

And then the girl pulls us her dress a bit to show her legs.

Then she says, "If each of you gentlemen will give me $10.00, I'll show you my thighs," and men being what they are, they all pull out a ten dollar bill. The girl pulls up her dress all the way to her legs in full.

Conversation continues, and the men, a bit excited, have all taken off their coats.

Then the young girl says, "If you will give me $100, I will show you where I was operated on for appendicitis."

All three fork over the money. The girl then turned to the window and points outside at a building they're passing. "See there in the distance. That's the hospital where I had it done!"

Humor

Two ladies went through the custom check point after an oversea trip. Customer Officer found Lady A had seven branded panties in her luggage. When Lady A said the panties were not bought oveaseas, the Customer Officer asked: "Why do you need to bring seven panties on an oveasea trip?"

Lady A replied: "I do not do washing when I am abroad. Don't you know that one week has seven days?" She was let go without having to pay tax. Customer Officer then opened the suitcase of Lady B and found twelve panties. When she insisted that she brought them from home, the Custom Officer asked: "Why do you need to bring twelve panties on an oversea trip?" The offended Lady B replied: "I also do not wash when I travel. Don't you know that one year has twelve months?"

The Twenty Dollars

On their wedding night, the young bride Approached her new husband and asked For $20.00 for their first lovemaking Encounter. In his highly aroused state, Her husband readily agreed.

This scenario was repeated each time they made Love, for more than 30 years, with him thinking that it was a Cute way for her to afford new clothes and other incidentals that She needed.

Arriving home around noon one day, she was Surprised to find her husband in a very drunken state. During the next few minutes, he explained that His employer was going through a process of corporate Downsizing, and he had been let go.

It was unlikely that, at the age of 59, he'd be able to find Another position that paid anywhere near what He'd been earning, and therefore, they were financially ruined.

Calmly, his wife handed him a bank book which Showed more than thirty years of steady deposits and interest totaling Nearly $1 million. Then she showed him certificates of deposits issued By the bank which were worth over $2 million,
And informed him that they Were one of the largest depositors in the bank.

She explained that for more than Three decades she had 'charged' him for sex,
These holdings had multiplied and these were the Results of her savings and investments.

Faced with evidence of cash and investments Worth over $3 million, her husband was so astounded he could Barely speak, but finally he found his voice and blurted out,
'If I'd had any idea what you were doing,I would have given you all my business!'
That's when she shot him.

Symptoms of Drinking

1. Symptom : Cold and humid feet.
Cause : Glass is being held at incorrect angle
(You are pouring the Drink on your feet).
Cure: Manoueuvre glass until open end is facing upward .

2. Symptom : The wall facing you is full of lights.
Cause : You're lying on the floor.
Cure: Position your body at a 90-degree angle to the floor.

3. Symptom: The floor looks blurry.
Cause : You're looking through an empty glass.
Cure: Quickly refill your glass!

4. Symptom : The floor is moving.
Cause : You're being dragged away.
Cure: At least ask where they're taking you!

5. Symptom: You hear echoes every time someone speaks.
Cause : You have your glass on your ear and trying to drink from it !
Cure: Stop making a fool of yourself!

6. Symptom : Your dad and all your brothers are looking funny.
Cause : You're in the wrong house.
Cure: Ask if they can point you to your house.

7. Symptom: The room is shaking a lot, everyone is dressed in white
and the music is very repetitive.
Cause : You're in an ambulance.
Cure: Don't move. Let the professionals do their job.

Christian pick up lines

1) Nice Bible.

2) I would like to pray with you.

3) You know Jesus? Me too.

4) God told me to come talk to you.

5) I know a church where we could go and talk.

6) How about a hug, sister?

7) Do you need help carrying your Bible? It looks heavy.

8) Christians don't shake hands, Christians gotta hug.

9) Oh you're cold. Ecclesiastes 4:11

10) Did it hurt when you fell from Heaven?

11) What are your plans for tonight? Feel like a Bible study?

12) I am here for you.

13) The word says "Give drink to those who are thirsty, and feed the
hungry," how about dinner?

14) You don't have an accountability partner? Me neither.

15) You want to come over and watch The 10 Commandments tonight?

16) Is it a sin that you stole my heart?

17) Would you happen to know a Christian woman that I could love with all my
heart and wait on hand and too?

18) Nice bracelet. What would Jesus date? I mean "do."

19) Do you believe in Divine appointment?

20) Have you ever tried praying at a drive in movie before?

21) Excuse me, I believe one of your ribs belongs to me.

22) My friend told me to come and meet you, he said that you are a really
nice person. I think you know him. 'Jesus?' yeah, that's his name.

23) You know they say that you have never really dated, until you have dated
a Christian.

24) Yeah, I predicted David over Goliath.

25) What? Friends listen to Amazing Grace in the dark.

26) We have to hold hands when we pray so the circle won't be broken.

27) God has used you to teach me what true love really is.

28) Christians kiss before parting...it's an old Jewish tradition.

A clean joke from courtroom

At the start of an important trial, a small town attorney called his first witness to the stand. She seemed like a sweet, elderly woman. He approached her and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know me?"

She responded, "Why, yes, I do know you Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a young boy. You've become a huge disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a hot shot lawyer, when you haven't the brains to realize you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you."

The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do he pointed across the room and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?"

She replied, "Why, of course I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster, too. I used to baby-sit him for his parents. And he, also, is a real disappointment. He's lazy, bigoted, never has a nice word to say about anybody, and he drinks like a fish. He's been divorced five times, and everybody knows that his law practice is one of the shoddiest in the entire state. Yes, I know him."

The judge rapped his gavel, to quiet the tittering among the spectators in the courtroom. Once the room was silent, he called both attorneys to his bench. In a quiet, menacing voice, he warned, "If either of you asks her if she knows me, you'll be jailed for contempt!"

thives catching machine

In U.S they invented a machine that catches thieves; they took out to
different countries for a test.

In U.S.A. in 30 minutes, it caught 20 thieves

In U.K.. in 30 minutes, it caught 50 thieves

In Spain, in 30 minutes, it caught 65 thieves

In Ghana, in 30 minutes ,it caught 600 thieves

IN PAKISTAN, IN 15 MINUTES, THE MACHINE WAS STOLEN..!!!

unnecessary advice

Once a Smoker was smoking at the airport.........
A gentleman came & asked him, "How much do you smoke a day?"*
Smoker: "Why are you asking such a question?"*
Gentleman replied: "If you had collected that money instead of smoking, the
plane which is in front of you, would have been yours."*

Smoker asked that gentleman: "Do you smoke?"
Gentleman: "No."
Smoker asked: "Does that plane belong to you?"
Gentleman replied: "No."
Smoker: "Thanks for your kind advice, but that plane is mine."

[Smoker's Name-Vijay Mallya].

Moral of the Story:- Unnecessary advice is injurious to health.

Love Story of a programmer

I`ve seen you yesterday while surfing on the local train platform and realized that you are the only site I was browsing for. For a long time I`ve been lonely; this has been the bug in my life and you can be a real debugger for me now.

My life is an uncompiled program without you, which never produces an executable code and hence is useless. You are not only beautiful by face but all your ActiveX controls are attractive as well.

Your smile is so delightful; it encourages me and gives me power equal to thousands of mainframes processing power. When you looked at me last evening, I felt like all my program modules are running smoothly and giving expected results.
/*which I never experienced before.*/

With this letter, I just want to convey to you that if we are linked together, I¡¯ll provide you all objects & libraries necessary for a human being to live an error free life.

Also don`t bother about the firewall which may be created by our parents as I¡¯ve strong hacking capabilities by which I`ll ultimately
break their security passwords and make them agree for our marriage .


I anticipate that nobody has already logged in to your database so that my connect script will fail.

And its all but certain that if this happened to me, my system will crash beyond recovery.

Kindly interpret this letter properly and grant me all privileges of your inbox. Error free...

Regards,

Software Programmer
Today This company
Tommorrow That Company
But always want ur company!

Enjoy.........

1. A small boy opens the door and looks at his sister's boy friend and asks innocently "Every day you come to meet my sister , don't you have your
own sister"

2. Santa went for an interview Bank manager: what is cyclone ? Santa: It is a smallest loan given by bank to buy a cycle)))

3. Pintu was having habbit of eating nails of his hand, His parents sent him to Ramdev Baba for treatment….. . . . Now Pintu can also eat nails of his legs..

4. Teeth said 2 Tongue " If I just press u little hard, you will get cut. Tongue replied: "If I misuse 1 word against some1, then all the 32 of u will come out at once”

5. What is the height of flirting ? When your love letter starts with . . . . " TO WHOMSOEVER IT MAY CONCERN"

6. Ek aadmi ka ye sun kar heart fail ho gaya jab uski kaam waali bai ne kaha Saahab "Orkut pe muje b add kar lo"

7. Dada(Grand Father): Beta ja paani le aa.
Pota(Grand Son): Mai nai laa sakta, mai game khel raha hun
2nd Pota (Second grand son): Rahne do dada g, ye to hai he BADATMEEZ.... ... .. .. .. Ap khud he ja k le aao.

8. World's shortest poem.. Baba black sheep have u any wool? .. .. ... .. .
sheep: NO, get lost.

9. Police: Oye, carparking ki jagah bike kyu park ki hai ?
Santa: just smiled and said "sirf do pahiyon ka farak hai UNCLE, aa jayenge

10. Santa london k ek hotel me murgi khaane gaya lekin murgi ka english word bhool gaya
Waiter: What would you like to have sir ?
Santa: 1 plate Egg's mother.

crab and a lobster love story

A crab and a lobster are secretly dating.

Pretty soon, the lobster tires of the lying and tells her father, who then forbids her to see the crab anymore.

"It'll never work, honey." he says to her. "Crabs walk side- ways and we walk straight."

"Please," she begs her father. "Just meet him once. I know you'll like him."

Her father finally relents and agrees to a one-time meeting, and she

runs off to share the good news with her crab sweetie.

The crab is so excited he decides to surprise his beloveds family.

He practices and practices until he can finally walk straight!

On the BIG day, he walks the entire way to the lobster's house as straight as he can.

Standing on the porch, and seeing the crab walking towards him, the lobster dad yells to his daughter.... ."I knew it! Here comes that crab and he's drunk!"

Luv Story of n Engineering Student...

A sad love story of an Engineering student………

A guy was deeply in love with his classmate.

One day he proposed her by saying that he loved her a lot….

But she was angry and refused and threatened him that she'd complain to the Principal if he ever bothers her again.

One day the girl borrowed a text book from that boy and wrote a message “I love you too, I'm sorry to hurt you the other day.

if u've forgiven me, please come and talk to me and never leave me. ” in that book.

But the guy never talked to her.

4 yrs went away and nothing happened..
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Moral of the story
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Engineering boys never open their books!!!

30 Lines to make you Smile

1. My wife and I divorced over religious differences... She thought she was God and I didn't.

2. I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.

3. I Work Hard Because Millions On Welfare Depend on Me!

4. Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them.

5. I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.

6. Don't take life too seriously; No one gets out alive.

7. You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me.

8. Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.

9. Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.

10. I'm not a complete idiot, Some parts are missing.

11. Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.

12. NyQuil, the st uffy, sneezy, why-the-heck-is-the-room -spinning medicine.

13. God must love stupid people; He made so many.

14. The gene pool could use a little chlorine.

15. Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.

16. Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?

17. Being "over the hill" is much better than being under it!

18. Wrinkled Was Not One of the Things I Wanted to Be When I Grew up.

19. Procrastinate Now!

20. I Have a Degree in Liberal Arts; Do You Want Fries With That?

21. A hangover is the wrath of grapes.

22. A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance

23. Stupidity is not a handicap. Park elsewhere!

24. They call it PMS be cause Mad Cow Disease was already taken.

25. He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless dead.

26. A picture is worth a thousand words, but it uses up three thousand times the memory.

27. Ham and eggs: A day's work for a chicken, a lifetime commitment for a pig.

28. The trouble with life is there's no background music.

29. The original point and click interface was a Smith and Wesson.

30. I smile because I don't know what the heck is going on.

75th Anniversary

An elderly couple are having dinner to celebrate their 75th wedding anniversary.

The old man leans forward and says to his wife, "It has always bothered me that our tenth child never quite looked like the rest of our children.

I want to assure you that these 75 years have been the most wonderful experience I could have ever hoped for and your answer will never take all that away. But... I must know, did he have a different father?"

The wife drops her head, unable to look her husband in the eye, pauses for moment and then confesses. "Yes, he did."

"Who was he?" he asks.

The old woman drops her head, trying to muster the courage to tell the truth to her husband. She gulps down her wine and finally, she says, *"You."*

Happiness comes from giving

This story is about a beautiful, expensively dressed lady who complained to her psychiatrist that she felt that her whole life was empty, it had no meaning.

So, the lady went to visit a counselor to seek out happiness. The counselor called over the old lady who cleaned the office floors. The counselor then said to the rich lady" I'm going to ask Mary here to tell you how she found happiness. All I want you to do is listen to her."

So the old lady put down her broom and sat on a chair and told her story:

"Well, my husband died of malaria and three months later my only son was killed by a car. I had nobody... I had nothing left. I couldn't sleep, I couldn't eat, I never smiled at anyone, I even thought of taking my own life.

Then one evening a little kitten followed me home from work. Somehow I felt sorry for that kitten. It was cold outside, so I decided to let the kitten in. I got it some milk, and the kitten licked the plate clean.

Then it purred and rubbed against my leg and for the first time in months, I smiled. Then I stopped to think, if helping a little kitten could make me smile, maybe doing something for people could make me happy. So the next day I baked some biscuits and took them to a neighbor who was sick in bed.

Every day I tried to do something nice for someone. It made me so happy to see them happy. Today, I don't know of anybody who sleeps and eats better than I do. I've found happiness, by giving it to others."

When she heard that the rich lady cried. She had everything that money could buy, but she had lost the things which money cannot buy.

The smart game

There once lived a great mathematician in a village outside Ujjain . He was often called by the local king to advice on matters related to the economy. His reputation had spread as far as Taxila in the North and Kanchi in the South. So it hurt him very much when the village headman told him, "You may be a great mathematician who advises the king on economic matters but your son does not know the value of gold or silver."

The mathematician called his son and asked, "What is more valuable - gold or silver?" "Gold," said the son. "That is correct. Why is it then that the village headman makes fun of you, claims you do not know the value of gold or silver? He teases me every day. He mocks me before other village elders as a father who neglects his son. This hurts me. I feel everyone in the village is laughing behind my back because you do not know what is more valuable, gold or silver. Explain this to me, son."

So the son of the mathematician told his father the reason why the village headman carried this impression. "Every day on my way to school, the village headman calls me to his house. There, in front of all village elders, he holds out a silver coin in one hand and a gold coin in other. He asks me to pick up the more valuable coin. I pick the silver coin. He laughs, the elders jeer, everyone makes fun of me. And then I go to school. This happens every day. That is why they tell you I do not know the value of gold or silver."

The father was confused. His son knew the value of gold and silver, and yet when asked to choose between a gold coin and silver coin always picked the silver coin. "Why don't you pick up the gold coin?" he asked. In response, the son took the father to his room and showed him a box. In the box were at least a hundred silver coins. Turning to his father, the mathematician' s son said, "The day I pick up the gold coin the game will stop. They will stop having fun and I will stop making money."

The bottom line is...
Sometimes in life, we have to play the fool because our seniors and our peers, and sometimes even our juniors like it. That does not mean we lose in the game of life. It just means allowing others to win in one arena of the game, while we win in the other arena of the game. We have to choose which arena matters to us and which arenas do not.

poor son-in-law

Once an old man was waiting for a train & sitting on a Bench ...A young man came and asked him the time ..The Man Refused to Tell the time..Boy insisted again & Again but Man Denied..Boy asked the reason ?Then The man said : If i tell you time, then you will ask my name, my job , etc and then i will ask urs... Both of us will become frank .. By chance you may got the seat near me.. Then you may get down to my station ... My Daughter will come to recieve me .. She will meet you .. She is Very Beautiful.. u may fall in love with her ,she too... Then she may insist to marry you ...Even may threaten me , And i am sorry that i don't want such a poor son-in-law who hasn't even got his own watch to SEE THE TIME...

Corporate Stupidity

"As of tomorrow, employees will only be able to access the building using individual security cards. Pictures will be taken next Wednesday, and employees will receive their cards in two weeks."(Microsoft Corp. in Redmond WA)

"What I need is an exact list of specific unknown problems we might encounter."(Lykes Lines Shipping)

"E-mail is not to be used to pass on information or data. It should be used only for company business."(Accounting manager, Electric Boat Company)

"This project is so important we can't let things that are more important interfere with it."(Advertising/Marketing manager, United Parcel Service)

"Doing it right is no excuse for not meeting the schedule."(Plant Manager, Delco Corporation)

"No one will believe you solved this problem in one day! We've been working on it for months. Now go act busy for a few weeks and I'll let you know when it's time to tell them."(R&D supervisor, Minnesota Mining and Manufacturing/3M Corp.)

Quote from the Boss: "Teamwork is a lot of people doing what I say."(Marketing executive, Citrix Corporation)

My sister passed away and her funeral was scheduled for Monday. When I told my Boss, he said she died on purpose so that I would have to miss work on the busiest day of the year. He then asked if we could change her burial to Friday. He said, "That would be better for me."(Shipping executive, FTD Florists)

"We know that communication is a problem, but the company is not going to discuss it with the employees."(Switching supervisor, AT&T Long Lines Division)

A Cute story

Daniel and Jasmine are sitting alone in the park one night....

Daniel: I guess we are the left overs in this world

Jasmine: I think so...All of my friends have boyfriends and we are only the 2 persons left in this world with out any special person in our life

Daniel: Yup I don't know what to do

Jasmine: I know! We'll play a game

Daniel: What game?

Jasmine: I'll be your girl friend for 30 days and you will be my boy friend

Daniel: That's a great plan in fact i don't have nothing to do much this following weeks...


DAY 1:

They watch their first movie and they both touched in a romantic film

DAY 4:

They went to the beach and have a picnic... Daniel and Jasmine have their quality time together

DAY 12:

Daniel invited Jasmine to a circus and they ride on a Horror House....Jasmine was scared and she touched Daniel's hand but she touched someone else's hand and they both laughed...



DAY 15:

They saw a fortune teller down the road and they asked for their future advice and the fortune teller said: "My darling, Please don't waste the time of your life...SPend the rest of your time together happily" Then tears flow out from the teller's eyes.


DAY 20:

Jasmine invited Daniel to go to the hill and they saw a meteor...Jasmine mumbled something

DAY 28:

They sat on the bus and because of a bumby road Jasmine gave her first kiss to Daniel by accident

DAY 29:

11:37pm

Jasmine and Daniel sat in the park where they first decided to play this game...

Daniel: I'm tired Jasmine...Do you want any drinks? I'll buy you one.. I'll just go down the road

Jasmine: Apple Juice that's all

Daniel: Wait for me....

20mins later... a stranger approached Jasmine

Stranger: Are you a friend of Daniel?

Jasmine: Why yes? What happened?
Stranger: A reckless drunken driver ran over Daniel and he is critical in the hospital

11:57pm

The doctor went out of the emergency room and he handed out an apple juice and a letter

Doctor: We found this in Daniel's pocket

Jasmine reads the letter and it says:

Jasmine, This past few days, i realized you are a really cute girl and i am really falling for you..
Your cherish smile your everything when we played this game..... Before this game would end...I would like you to be my girl friend for the rest of my life....

I love you Jasmine....


Jasmine crumples the paper and shouted:

"Daniel ! i don't want you to die... I love you...Remember that night when we saw a meteor, I mumbled something... I mumbled that I wish we would be together forever and never end this game. Please don't leave me Daniel.... I love you! You cannot do this to me!"

Then the clock strikes 12

Daniel's heart stop pumping


THEN IT WAS THE 30TH DAY

LESSON: Whatever u feels, whatever is inside you, SAY IT…Tomorrow maybe too late coz LIFE is too short.

HAPPINESS IS SOMETHING YOU CREATE

Once upon a time a daughter complained to her father that her life was miserable and that she didn't know how she was going to make it.

She was tired of fighting and struggling all the time. It seemed just as one problem was solved, another one soon followed.

Her father, a chef, took her to the kitchen. He filled three pots with water and placed each on a high fire.

Once the three pots began to boil, he placed potatoes in one pot, eggs in the second pot and ground coffee beans in the third pot.

He then let them sit and boil, without saying a word to his daughter. The daughter, moaned and impatiently waited, wondering what he was doing.

After twenty minutes he turned off the burners. He took the potatoes out of the pot and placed them in a bowl. He pulled the eggs out and placed them in a bowl. He then ladled the coffee out and placed it in a cup.

Turning to her, he asked. "Daughter, what do you see?" "Potatoes, eggs and coffee," she hastily replied.

"Look closer", he said, "and touch the potatoes." She did and noted that they were soft.

He then asked her to take an egg and break it. After pulling off the shell, she observed the hard-boiled egg.

Finally, he asked her to sip the coffee. Its rich aroma brought a smile to her face.

"Father, what does this mean?" she asked.

He then explained that the potatoes, the eggs and coffee beans had each faced the same adversity-the boiling water. However, each one reacted differently. The potato went in strong, hard and unrelenting, but in boiling water, it became soft and weak.

The egg was fragile, with the thin outer shell protecting its liquid interior until it was put in the boiling water. Then the inside of the egg became hard.

However, the ground coffee beans were unique. After they were exposed to the boiling water, they changed the water and created something new.

"Which one are you?" he asked his daughter. "When adversity knocks on your door, how do you respond? Are you a potato, an egg, or a coffee bean?"

In life, things happen around us, things happen to us, but the only thing that truly matters is what happens within us.

Which one are you? When problems come (and they will) how will we react? Will they make us weak, hard hearted or will they cause us to change into something worthwhile?

Motivational Quote: "Happiness is not something you find, it's something you create."

Inspirational Quote: "Smile in pleasure, smile in pain; Smile when trouble pours like rain; Smile when someone hurts you, Smile coz someone cares for you."

alphabets of happiness

*A--Accept *
Accept others for who they are and for the choices they've made even if you have difficulty understanding their beliefs, motives, or actions.

*B--Break Away *
Break away from everything that stands in the way of what you hope to accomplish with your life.

*C--Create *
Create a family of friends whom you can share your hopes, dreams, sorrows, and happiness with.

*D--Decide *
Decide that you'll be successful and happy come what may, and good things will find you. The roadblocks are only minor obstacles along the way.

*E--Explore *
Explore and experiment. The world has much to offer, and you have much to give. And every time you try something new, you'll learn more about yourself.

*F--Forgive *
Forgive and forget. Grudges only weigh you down and inspire unhappiness and grief. Soar above it, and remember that everyone makes mistakes.

*G--Grow *
Leave the childhood monsters behind. They can no longer hurt you or stand in your way.

*H--Hope *
Hope for the best and never forget that anything is possible as long as you remain dedicated to the task.

*I--Ignore *
Ignore the negative voice inside your head. Focus instead on your goals and remember your accomplishments. Your past success is only a small inkling of what the future holds.

*J--Journey*
Journey to new worlds, new possibilities, by remaining open-minded. Try to learn something new every day, and you'll grow.

*K--Know *
Know that no matter how bad things seem, they'll always get better. The warmth of spring always follows the harshest winter.

*L--Love *
Let love fill your heart instead of hate. When hate is in your heart, there's room for nothing else, but when love is in your heart, there's room for endless happiness.

*M--Manage *
Manage your time and your expenses wisely, and you'll suffer less stress and worry. Then you'll be able to focus on the important things in life.

*N--Notice *
Never ignore the poor, infirm, helpless, weak, or suffering. Offer your assistance when possible, and always your kindness and understanding.

*O--Open *
Open your eyes and take in all the beauty around you. Even during the worst of times, there's still much to be thankful for.

*P--Play *
Never forget to have fun along the way. Success means nothing without happiness.

*Q--Question *
Ask many questions, because you're here to learn.

*R--Relax *
Refuse to let worry and stress rule your life, and remember that things always have a way of working out in the end.

*S--Share *
Share your talent, skills, knowledge, and time with others. Everything that you invest in others will return to you many times over.

*T--Try *
Even when your dreams seem impossible to reach, try anyway. You'll be amazed by what you can accomplish.

*U--Use *
Use your gifts to your best ability. Talent that's wasted has no value. Talent that's used will bring unexpected rewards.

*V--Value *
Value the friends and family members who've supported and encouraged you, and be there for them as well.

*W--Work *
Work hard every day to be the best person you can be, but never feel guilty if you fall short of your goals. Every sunrise offers a second chance.

*X--X-Ray *
Look deep inside the hearts of those around you and you'll see the goodness and beauty within.

*Y--Yield *
Yield to commitment. If you stay on track and remain dedicated, you'll find success at the end of the road.

*Z--Zoom *
Zoom to a happy place when bad memories or sorrow rear a ugly head

God and Me

GOD: Hello. Did you call me ?

ME: Called you ? No... Who is this ?

GOD: This is GOD. I heard your prayers. So I thought I will chat.

ME: I do pray. Just makes me feel good. I am actually busy now. I am in the midst of something.

GOD: What are you busy at ?

ME: Don't know. But I can't find free time. Life has become hectic. It's rush hour all the time.

GOD: Sure. Activity gets you busy. But productivity gets you results. Activity consumes time. Productivity frees it.

ME: I understand. But I still can't figure out. By the way, I was not expecting YOU to buzz me on instant messaging chat.

GOD: Well I wanted to resolve your fight for time, by giving you some clarity. In this net era, I wanted to reach you through the medium you are comfortable with.

ME: Tell me, why has life become complicated now ?


GOD: Stop analyzing life. Just live it. Analysis is what makes it complicated.

ME: Why are we then constantly unhappy ?

GOD: Your today is the tomorrow that you worried about yesterday. You are worrying because you are analyzing. Worrying has become your habit. That's why you are not happy.

ME: But how can we not worry when there is so much uncertainty ?

GOD: Uncertainty is inevitable, but worrying is optional.

ME: But then, there is so much pain due to uncertainty.

GOD: Pain is inevitable, but suffering is optional.

ME: If suffering is optional, why do good people always suffer ?

GOD: Diamond cannot be polished without friction. Gold cannot be purified without fire. Good people go through trials, but don't suffer. With that experience their life become better not bitter.

Me: You mean to say such experience is useful ?


GOD: Yes. In every terms, Experience is a hard teacher. She gives the test first and the lessons afterwards.

ME: But still, why should we go through such tests? Why can't we be free from problems ?

GOD: Problems are Purposeful Roadblocks Offering Beneficial Lessons (to) Enhance Mental Strength. Inner Strength comes from struggle and endurance, not when you are free from problems.

ME: Frankly in the midst of so many problems, we don't know where we are heading...

GOD: If you look outside you will not know where you are heading. Look inside. Looking outside, you dream. Looking inside, you awaken. Eyes provide sight. Heart provides insight.

ME: Sometimes not succeeding fast seems to hurt more than moving in the right direction. What should I do ?

GOD: Success is a measure as decided by others. Satisfaction is a measure as decided by you. Knowing the road ahead is more satisfying than knowing you rode ahead. You work with the compass.Let others work with the clock.

ME: In tough times, how do you stay motivated ?

GOD: Always look at how far you have come rather than how far you have to go. Always count your blessing, not what you are
missing.

ME: What surprises you about people ?

GOD: when they suffer they ask, "why me ?" When they prosper, they never ask "Why me" Everyone wishes to have truth on their side, but few want to be on the side of the truth.

ME: Sometimes I ask, who am I ? Why am I here? I can't get the answer.

GOD: Seek not to find who you are, but to determine who you want to be.Stop looking for a purpose as to why you are here. Create it. Life is not a process of discovery but a process of creation.

ME: How can I get the best out of life ?

GOD: Face your past without regret. Handle your present with confidence. Prepare for the future without fear.

ME: One last question. Sometimes I feel my prayers are not answered.

GOD: There are no unanswered prayers. At times the answer is NO.

ME: Thank you for this wonderful chat. I am so happy to start the New Day with a new sense of inspiration.

GOD: Well. Keep the faith and drop the fear. Don't believe your doubts and doubt your beliefs. Life is a mystery to solve not a problem to resolve. Trust me. Life is wonderful if you know how to live.

Why god created a handicapped living entity???

Why god created a handicapped living entity. Everyone knows that "All are equal before god", but why God created the living entities with so much difference. Someone gets a nice body, someone gets a diseased body. Someone gets some wealthy life or little struggle he can get some wealth, but someone even though very hard working still getting a small portion.

Why God treats like that?

First of why God does anything only he can reply, I can give you my opinion but its simply that my opinion, no one is Gods mouth piece. A handicapped life is not a lesser life. There are many handicapped people who are happy with who they are and have many gift and talents to offer the world. There is no life born with no value, from the smallest baby alive for only moments to 400 lb guy to a beauty queen to a pauper with no legs in Bangladesh. All there lives have purpose and meaning all are learning different lessons and teaching a variety of things to the people and world around them. A wealthy lifestyle is no key to happiness or fulfillment only to buying more stuff. God only gives you what you can handle, yes some people lives are a larger challenge than others but happiness is not measured in things and wealth.

If it was how can you justify the happiness of children in third world countries, they still experience Joy and love and laughter without ever having any monitory wealth there wealth comes in a different form. God creates us in all colours, creeds, races, abilities and capabilities we learn from each other differences and see the heart of people its our differences that unite us not our similarities. How boring and colorless the world would be if we all looked the same, earned the same, went after the same things, where is the learning in that. No surprises, no lessons, no heartbreaks, no joys in discovering something new. I like the world just the way it is (alot more peace would be good ) apart from that I see the world and people in it as beautiful all shapes, all sizes, all colours, all denominations.

When you miss someone

When you miss someone so badly, that you can't even say;
Waking in fruitless night and groping through lifeless day...

When you miss someone so dear, that you can't even cry;
Wading through the sea of thoughts, a pain oh my!

When you miss someone so close, that you stand with empty hands;
And see with stony eyes, how rigidly slips the time's sands...

When you miss someone so sweet, that life turns sour;
Days and months and years fly by, how to keep the score?!

When you miss someone so gentle, that you feel a certain sin;
A craving in the core of heart and a blank paper - so clean!

When you miss someone so caring, that it hurts to be alive!
How to breathe is a riddle here, a question - for what to strive?

POLITICAL JOKES

1.The Prime Minister of China called President Bush to console him after the attack on the Pentagon:

'I'm sorry to hear about the attack. It is a very big tragedy. But in case you are missing any documents from the Pentagon, we have copies of everything.'

2.Musharraf calls Bush on 11th Sept:

Musharraf: Mr President, I would like to express my condolences to you. It is a real tragedy. So many people, such great bldgs... I would like to ensure that we had nothing in connection with that...

Bush: What buildings? What people??

Musharraf: Oh, and what time is it in America now?

Bush: It's eight in the morning.

Musharraf: Oops....Will call back in an hour!

3.Vajpayee and Bush are sitting in a bar. A guy walks in and asks the barman,

'Isn't that Bush and Vajpayee?'

The barman says 'Yep, that's them.'

So the guy walks over and says, 'Hello, what are you guys doing?'

Bush says, 'We're planning world war 3.'

The guy says, 'Really? What's going to happen?'

And Vajpayee says, 'Well, we're going to kill 14 million Pakistanis and one bicycle repairman.'

And the guy exclaimed, 'A bicycle repairman?!! !'

Vajpayee turns to Bush and says, 'See, I told you no-one would worry about the 14 million Pakistanis!'

4.Pakistani on the moon:

Q: What do you call 1 Pakistani on the moon?

A: Problem...

Q: What do you call 10 Pakistanis on the moon?

A: Problem..

Q: What do you call a 100 Pakistanis on the moon?

A: Problem....

Q: What do you call ALL the Pakistanis on the moon?

A: ...... Problem Solved!!!

5.A man is taking a walk in Central Park in New York. Suddenly he sees a little girl being Attacked by a pit bull dog.

He runs over and starts fighting with the dog. He succeeds in killing the dog and saving the Girl's life.

A policeman who was watching the scene walks over and says: 'You are a hero, tomorrow you can read it in all the newspapers:

'Brave New Yorker saves the life of little girl.'

The man says: 'But I am not a New Yorker!'

Oh then it will say in newspapers in the morning: 'Brave American saves life of little girl,' The policeman answers.

'But I am not an American!' says the man.

Oh, what are you then?'

The man says: 'I am a Pakistani!'

The next day the newspapers say: 'Extremist kills innocent American dog.

In The Search Of Diamond :: Awesome Short Story

There was a farmer in Africa who was happy and content. He was happy because he was content. He was content because he was happy.

One day a wise man came to him and told him about the glory of diamonds and the power that goes along with them.

The wise man said, "If you had a diamond the size of your thumb, you could have your own city. If you had a diamond the size of your fist, you could probably own your own country." And then he went away.

That night the farmer couldn't sleep. He was unhappy and he was discontent. He was unhappy because he was discontent and discontent because he was unhappy. The next morning he made arrangements to sell off his farm, took care of his family and went in search of diamonds.

He looked all over Africa and couldn't find any. He looked all through Europe and couldn't find any. When he got to Spain, he was emotionally, physically and financially broke. He got so disheartened that he threw himself into the Barcelona River and committed suicide.

Back home, the person who had bought his farm was watering the camels at a stream that ran through the farm. Across the stream, the rays of the morning sun hit a stone and made it sparkle like a rainbow. He picked up the stone and put it in the living room.

That afternoon the wise man came and saw the stone sparkling. He asked about farmer. The new owner said, "No, why do you ask?"

The wise man said, "Because that is a diamond. I recognize one when I see one."

The man said, no, that's just a stone I picked up from the stream. Come, I'll show you. There are many more."

They went and picked some samples and sent them for analysis. Sure enough, the stones were diamonds. They found that the farm was indeed covered with acres and acres of diamonds.


:: Moral of the Story ::

When our attitude is right, we realize that we are all walking on acres and acres of diamonds.

Opportunity is always under our feet. We don't have to go anywhere. All we need to do is recognize it.

When people don't know how to recognize opportunity, they complain of noise when it knocks.

The same opportunity never knocks twice. The next one may be better or worse, but it is never the same one.

NEVER UP, NEVER IN

A man and his wife were having an argument in bed. He finally jumped up and
took a blanket to the couch. The next day the wife feeling bad about what
happened decided to buy her husband a gift, and since he was an avid golfer
she went to the pro shop where he usually played golf. She talked with the
pro and he suggested a putter and he showed her one of his finest. "How much
is it?" she asked. "One hundred and fifty dollars," he replied. She felt
that was kind of expensive and told him so. "But it comes with an
inscription," he said. "What kind of inscription?" she asked. "Whatever you
wish," he explained, "but one of the old golfers favorites is, NEVER UP,
NEVER IN.'" "OH, that will never do!" exclaimed the wife. "That's what
started the argument in the first place!"

51 Tips For Perfect Health

1. Drink eight glasses of water a day.

2. Include two vegetables and one fruit in every meal.

3. Begin each meal with a raw vegetable salad.

4. Make a light snack of assorted sprouts.

5. Start the day with a glass of warm water and a dash of lime.

6. Use only fresh vegetables.

7. Once a week have only fresh fruits until noon, make lunch the first meal of the day.

8. Eat only freshly cooked meals, not refrigerated leftovers.

9. Include one green vegetable and one yellow vegetable in every meal.

10. Go on a juice fasta for a day. Start with vegetable juice, and sip fruit for lunch and dinner.

11. Kick the old coffee habit. Have a glass of fresh fruit juice instead.

12. Cut out all deep-fried foods from your diet.

13. Cut down on high sugar products like soft drinks, ice-cream, candy and cookies in your diet.

14. Never skip a meal, even if you are on a diet. Eat a fresh fruit or have vegetable juice instead.

15. Avoid beverages like soda, coffee, colas and so on.

16. Include high fibre foods plenty of fruits, vegetables and grains in planning your diet.

17. Use salt in moderation

18. Wash vegetables throughly in clean water before chopping.

19. Stream or boil vegetables (rather than fry or saute.

20. Retain peels of potato, cucumber, carrot and tomato while cooking.

21. Do take a moment off to mentally list out the nutritional value of the food you are about to eat.

22. Don't rush through your meals. Set aside enough time to appreciate, enjoy and digest your food.

23. Make every meal an enjoyable experience. Set dishes out attractively and chew slowly to appreciate the full flavour of the foods you eat.

24. Choose to be radiantly healthy. Keep yourself informed about the nutritive value of every food you buy.

25. Shop for groceries yourself. Notice the look, feel and smell of fresh fruit and vegetables and enjoy their intrinsic goodness.

26. Watch out for eating habits paired with emotional states, like reaching for a chocolate when you’re depressed. Resist the urge and eat fruit instead.

27. Eat popcorn (rather than chips) while watching a movie.

28. Sit at the table at meal times. Don't read the paper or review bills while eating.

29. Make it a point to have dinner with the entire family at the table, and not in front of the TV.

30. Eat just to the point of the fullness. Don't stuff yourself!

31. Stop smoking.

32. Restrict alcohol consumption.

33. Get a good night sleep, every night.

34. Enrol today in an exercise programme.

35. Take a brisk, 20 minute invigorating walk each morning.

36. Spend 10 minutes every morning and evening doing basic stretches.

37. Do not use elevators when you can climb the stairs.

38. Enrol in a TM programme today.

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39. Focus on your breathing. Take a deep breath, then exhale slowly. Repeat a couple of times a day.

40. Learn to relax. Spend 20 minutes consciously relaxing each muscle of your body.

41. Spend 20 minutes a day in silent meditation, prayer or contemplation.

42. Learn the healing power of laughter. Watch a crazy movie, recall a joke or read a funny book and laugh out loud.

43. Tap the powers of your sub-conscious. Relax your body for 20 minutes and project the Perfect You on your mind screen.

44. Balance your lifestyle. Devote equal time each week to work and fun.

45. Join kids in a sports activity and rediscover the joys of childhood.

46. Do keep in touch with friends. Call up or visit them and be at peace with the world.

47. Enrol in an activity (like dancing, swimming or roller skating…) you never indulged in because you were afraid of “what people might say.

48. Forgive someone who you think has done you wrong and cleanse your spirit of rancour.

49. Do a nice turn to someone you don't know too well, but who could do with a friend.

50. Spend a quiet half-hour chatting with your family.

51. Read a great book once a week.

some funnies ....

One day I was walking down the beach with some friends when someone
shouted.....
'Look at that dead bird!'
Someone looked up at the sky and said....'where?'

While looking at a house, my brother asked the estate agent which direction
was north because he didn't want the sun waking him up every morning.
She asked, 'Does the sun rise in the north?'
My brother explained that the sun rises in the east and has for sometime.*
She shook her head and said, 'Oh, I don't keep up with all that stuff.....'

My colleague and I were eating our lunch in our cafeteria, when we
overheard an admin girl talking about the sunburn she got on her weekend
drive to the beach.
She drove down in a convertible, but said she 'didn't think she'd get
sunburned because the car was moving'.*

I was hanging out with a friend when we saw a woman with a nose ring
attached to an earring by a chain. My friend said, 'Ouch! The chain must rip
out every time she turns her head!"
I had to explain that a person's nose and ear remain the same distance
apart no matter which way the head is turned....*

I couldn't find my luggage at the airport baggage area and went to the lost
luggage office and reported the loss. The woman there smiled and told me
not to worry because she was a trained professional and said I was in good
hands. 'Now,' she asked me, 'Has your plane arrived yet?'...
(I work with professionals like this.)

While working at a pizza parlour I observed a man ordering a small pizza to
go. He appeared to be alone and the cook asked him if he would like it cut
into 4 pieces or 6. He thought about it for some time then said 'Just cut
it into 4 pieces; I don't think I'm hungry enough to eat 6 pieces.

This is a True Story from the USA!
A noted psychiatrist was a guest speaker at an academic function where
Nancy Pelosi happened to appear. Ms Pelosi took the opportunity to schmooze
the good doctor a bit and asked him a question with which he was most at
ease.

'Would you mind telling me, Doctor,' she asked, 'how you detect a mental
deficiency in somebody who appears completely normal?'

'Nothing is easier,' he replied. 'You ask a simple question which anyone
should answer with no trouble. If the person hesitates, that puts you on
the track.'

'What sort of question?' asked Pelosi.

Well, you might ask, 'Captain Cook made three trips around the world and
died during one of them. Which one?''

Pelosi thought a moment, and then said with a nervous laugh, 'You wouldn't
happen to have another example would you? I must confess I don't know much
about history.'

*Do you know why a Car's WINDSHIELD is so large & the Rearview Mirror is so
small?
Because our PAST is not as important as our FUTURE.
Look Ahead and Move on.

Politically Correct

A biker is riding by the zoo, when he sees a little girl leaning into the lion's cage.

Suddenly, the lion grabs her by the cuff of her jacket and tries to pull her inside to slaughter her, under the eyes of her screaming parents.

The biker jumps off his bike, runs to the cage and hits the lion square on the nose with a powerful punch.

Whimpering from the pain the lion jumps back letting go of the girl, and the biker brings her to her terrified parents, who thank him endlessly.

A Fox News reporter has watched the whole event.

The reporter addressing the biker says, 'Sir, this was the most gallant and brave thing I saw a man do in my whole life.'

The biker replies, 'Why, it was nothing, really, the lion was behind bars.

I just saw this little kid in danger, and acted as I felt right.'

The reporter says, 'Well, I'll make sure this won't go unnoticed. I'm a reporter for FOX News, you know, and tomorrow's report will have this story as the lead item. So, what do you do for a living and what political affiliation do you have?'

The biker replies, 'I'm a union member truck driver and a Democrat.'






The Fox reporter leaves.

The following morning the biker tunes in to see if they indeed reported the news of his actions, and hears, as the lead story:

No Rent

An ant knocks on the door of a house.

The house owner opens the door.

"I want a place to stay," said the ant.

"I have a vacant room which you can occupy for free of cost," said the owner.

The ant went inside and occupied the vacant room.

After some days, the ant brought in another ant and requested to the owner, "Can you please allow this ant to stay with me?"

"Oh sure, you can do so without paying any rent," said the owner.

After some days the ant brought one more ant and requested the owner to allow the ant to stay with it.

The owner agreed to it without asking for any rent.

This continued as the ant brings in one more and and the owner agrees for it.

One fine day, the ant brought in a tenth ant and requested the owner to allow him also to stay with it.

The owner said, "OK, you can all stay here but you all need to pay rent."

Now the question is: Why did the owner ask for rent when the last ant came in?








Because they are now tenants!!!!!!!!

Nature's Law for Human

LAW OF QUEUE: If you change queues, the one you have left will start to
move faster than the one you are in now.

LAW OF TELEPHONE: When you dial a wrong number, you never get an engaged
one.

LAW OF MECHANICAL REPAIR : After your hands become coated with grease,
your nose will begin to itch.

LAW OF THE WORKSHOP: Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least
accessible corner.

LAW OF THE ALIBI: If you tell the boss your excuse you were late for work
because you had a flat tire, the next morning you really will have a flat
tire.

BATH THEOREM: When the body is immersed in water, the telephone rings.

LAW OF ENCOUNTERS: The probability of meeting someone you know increases
when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.

LAW OF THE RESULT: When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't
work, it will!

LAW OF BIOMECHANICS: The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to
the reach.

THEATRE RULE: People with the seats at the furthest from the aisle arrive
last.

LAW OF COFFEE: As soon as you sit down for a cup of hot coffee, your boss
will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.

choke

Never Choke in a Restaurant in the South!

Two hillbillies walk into a restaurant. While having a bite to eat,they talk about their moonshine operation.

Suddenly, a woman at a nearby table, who is eating a sandwich,begins to cough.

After a minute or so, it becomes apparent that she is in real distress. One of the hillbillies looks at her and says,

'Kin ya swallar?'

The woman shakes her head no.

Then he asks, 'Kin ya breathe?'

The woman begins to turn blue and shakes her head no.

The hillbilly walks over to the woman, lifts up her dress, yanks down her drawers and quickly gives her right butt cheek a lick with his tongue.

The woman is so shocked that she has a violent spasm and the obstruction flies out of her mouth.

As she begins to breathe again, the Hillbilly walks slowly back to his table.

His partner says, 'Ya know, I'd heerd of that there 'Hind Lick Maneuver' but I ain't niver seed nobody do it!'

Your way or her way ??

Young King Arthur was ambushed and imprisoned by the monarch of a neighbouring kingdom.. The monarch could have killed him but was moved by Arthur's youth and ideals. So, the monarch offered him his freedom, as long as he could answer a very difficult question. Arthur would have a year to figure out the answer and, if after a year, he still had no answer, he would be put to death.

The question was: What do women really want?

Such a question would perplex even the most knowledgeable man. And to young Arthur, it seemed an impossible query. But, since it was better than death, he accepted the monarch's proposition to have an answer by year's end.

He returned to his kingdom and began to poll everyone: the princess, the priests, the wise men, and even the court jester. He spoke with everyone, but no one could give him a satisfactory answer.

Many people advised him to consult the old witch, for only she would have the answer. But the price would be high as the witch was famous throughout the kingdom for the exorbitant prices she charged.

The last day of the year arrived and Arthur had no choice but to talk to the witch. She agreed to answer the question, but first he would have to agree to her price.

The old witch wanted to marry Sir Lancelot, the most noble of the Knights of the Round Table, and Arthur's closest friend! Young Arthur was horrified. She was hunch-backed and hideous, had only one tooth, smelled like sewage, made obscene noises, etc.

He had never encountered such a repugnant creature in all his life.. He refused to force his friend to marry her and endure such a terrible burden.

But Lancelot, having learnt of the proposal, spoke with Arthur. He said nothing was too big of a sacrifice compared to Arthur's life. And the reservation of the Round Table. Hence, a wedding was proclaimed and the witch answered.

Arthur's question thus: 'What a woman really wants?'
She said, 'A woman wants to be in charge of her own life.'

Everyone in the kingdom instantly knew that the witch had uttered a great truth, and that Arthur's life would be spared. And so it was. The neighbouring monarch granted Arthur his freedom. And Lancelot and the witch had a wonderful wedding.

The honeymoon hour approached and, Lancelot, steeling himself for a horrific experience, entered the bedroom. But, what a sight awaited him. The most beautiful woman he had ever seen was sitting by the bed.

The astounded Lancelot asked what had happened. The beauty replied that since he had been so kind to her when she appeared as a witch, she would henceforth become her horrible and deformed self only half the time, and be the beautiful maiden the other half.

'Which would you prefer?' She asked him. 'Beautiful during the day .... or at night?' Lancelot pondered the predicament. During the day he could have a beautiful woman to show off to his friends, but at night, in the privacy of his castle, an old witch!
Or,
Would he prefer having a hideous witch during the day? But by night a beautiful woman for him to enjoy wondrous moments with?

(If you are a man reading this...) What would YOUR choice be?
(If you are a woman reading this...) What would YOUR MAN'S choice be?
And Lancelot's choice is given below...
BUT... please make YOUR choice first before you scroll down below... OKAY?

Knowing the answer the witch gave to Arthur for his question, Sir Lancelot said that he would allow HER to make the choice herself. Upon hearing this, she announced that she would be beautiful all the time.. Because, he had respected her enough to let her be in charge of her own life. Now... what is the moral to this story?

The moral is...There is 'witch' in every woman.

Will you help?

Once upon a time, there was a wise man who used to go to the ocean to do his writing. He had a habit of walking on the beach before he began his work.

One day, as he was walking along the shore, he looked down the beach and saw a human figure moving like a dancer. He smiled to himself at the thought of someone who would dance to the day, and so, he walked faster to catch up.

As he got closer, he noticed that the figure was that of a young man, and that what he was doing was not dancing at all. The young man was reaching down to the shore, picking up small objects, and throwing them into the ocean.

He came closer still and called out “Good morning! May I ask what it is that you are doing?”

The young man paused, looked up, and replied, “Throwing starfish into the ocean.”

“I must ask, then, why are you throwing starfish into the ocean?” asked the somewhat startled wise man.

To this, the young man replied, “The sun is up and the tide is going out. If I don’t throw them in, they’ll die.”

Upon hearing this, the wise man commented, “But, young man, do you not realize that there are miles and miles of beach and there are starfish all along every mile? You can’t possibly make a difference!”

BE PATIENT

This is a true story which happened in the States. A man came out of his home to admire his new truck. To his puzzlement, his three-year-old son was happily hammering dents into the shiny paint of the truck. The man ran to his son, knocked him away, hammered the little boy's hands into pulp as punishment. When the father calmed down, he rushed his son to the hospital.

Although the doctor tried desperately to save the crushed bones, he finally had to amputate the fingers of both the hands of the kid. When the boy woke up from the surgery & saw his bandaged stubs, he innocently said, "Daddy, I'm sorry about your truck." Then he asked, "but when are my fingers going to grow back?" The father went home & committed suicide.

Think about this story the next time someone steps on your feet or u wish to take revenge. Think first before u lose your patience with someone u love. Trucks can be repaired.. Broken bones & hurt feelings often can't. Too often we fail to recognize the difference between the person and the performance. We forget that forgiveness is greater than revenge.People make mistakes. We are allowed to make mistakes. But the actions we take while in a rage will haunt us forever.

"Good Life starts only when you stop wanting a better One"

PERSONAL PERCEPTION

Different people have different perception. One man's meat could be another man's poison. A couple bought a donkey from the market. On the way home, a boy commented, "Very stupid. Why neither of them rides on the donkey? "Upon hearing that, the husband let the wife ride on the donkey. He walked besides them. Later, an old man saw it and commented, "The husband is the head of family. How can the wife ride on the donkey while the husband is on foot?" Hearing this, the wife quickly got down and let the husband ride on the donkey.

Further on the way home, they met an old Lady. She commented, "How can the man ride on the donkey but let the wife walk. He is no gentleman." The husband thus quickly asked the wife to join him on the donkey. Then, they met a young man. He commented, "Poor donkey, how can you hold up the weight of two persons. They are cruel to ou." Hearing that, the husband and wife immediately climbed down from the donkey and carried it on their shoulders.

It seems to be the only choice left. Later, on a narrow bridge, the donkey was frightened and struggled. They lost their balance and fell into the river. You can never have everyone praise you, nor will everyone condemn you.. Never in the past, not at present, and never will be in the future.

Thus, do not be too bothered by others words if our conscience is clear.

RIGHT SPEECH

There is a Chinese saying which carries the meaning that "A speech will either prosper or ruin a nation." Many relationships break off because of wrong speech. When a couple is too close with each other, we always forget mutual respect and courtesy. We may say anything without considering if it would hurt the other party.

A friend and her millionaire husband visited their construction site. A worker who wore a helmet saw her and shouted, "Hi, Emily! Remember me? We used to date in the secondary school." On the way home, her millionaire husband teased her, "Luckily you married me. Otherwise you will be the wife of a construction worker." She answered," You should appreciate that you married me. Other wise, he will be the millionaire and not you."

Frequently exchanging these remarks plants the seed for a bad relationship. It's like a broken egg - cannot be reversed.

NO OVERPOWERING

Many relationships fail because one party tries to overpower another, or demands too much. People in love tend to think that love will conquer all and their spouses will change the bad habits after marriage. Actually, this is not the case. There is a Chinese saying which carries the meaning that "It is easier to reshape a mountain or a river than a person's character."

It is not easy to change. Thus, having high expectation on changing the spouse character will cause disappointment and unpleasantness.

It would be less painful to change ourselves and lower our expectations. .

CREATING PERFECT RELATIONSHIPS?

A person visited the government matchmaker for marriage, SDU, and requested "I am looking for a spouse. Please help me to find a suitable one." The SDU officer said, "Your requirements, please." "Oh, good looking, polite, humorous, sporty, knowledgeable, good in singing and dancing. Willing to accompany me the whole day at home during my leisure hour, if I don't go out. Telling me interesting stories when I need companion for conversation and be silent when I want to rest." The officer listened carefully and replied, "I understand you need television.. "

There is a saying that a perfect match can only be found between a blind wife and a deaf husband, because the blind wife cannot see the faults of the husband and the deaf husband cannot hear the nagging of the wife. Many couples are blind and deaf at the courting stage and dream of perpetual perfect relationship. Unfortunately, when the excitement of love wears off, they wake up a and discover that marriage is not a bed of roses. The nightmare begins.

NO POINTING FINGERS

A man asked his father-in-law, "Many people praised you for a successful marriage. Could you please share with me your secret?" The father-in-law answered in a smile, "Never criticize your wife for her shortcomings or when she does something wrong. Always bear in mind that because of her shortcomings and weaknesses, she could not find a better husband than you."

We all look forward to being loved and respected. Many people are afraid of losing face. Generally, when a person makes a mistake, he would look around to find a scapegoat to point the finger at. This is the start of a war. We should always remember that when we point one finger at a person, the other four fingers are pointing at ourselves.

If we forgive the others, others will ignore our mistake too.

Trust

Trust is a very important factor for all relationships. When trust is broken, it is the end of the relationship. Lack of trust leads to suspicion, suspicion generates anger, anger causes enmity and enmity may result in separation.

A telephone operator told me that one day she received a phone call. She answered, "Public Utilities Board." There was silence. She repeated, "PUB." There was still no answer. When she was going to cut off the line, she heard a lady's voice, "Oh, so this is PUB. Sorry, I got the number from my Husband's pocket but I do not know whose number it is."

Without mutual trust, just imagine what will happen to the couple if the telephone operator answered with just "hello" instead of "PUB".

HEART IS A BEAUTIFUL GARDEN

Once a Junior School teacher asked her students to bring some potatoes in a plastic bag to school. Each potato will be given a name of the person whom that child hates. Like this, the number of potatoes will be equal to the number of persons they hate. On a decided day the children brought their potatoes well addressed. Some had two, some had three and some had even five potatoes.

The teacher said they have to carry these potatoes with them everywhere they go for a week. As the days passed the children started to complain about the spoiled smell that started coming from these potatoes. Also some students who had many potatoes complained that it was very heavy to carry them all around. The children got rid of this assignment after a week, when it got over.

The teacher asked, "How did you feel in this one week?" The children discussed their problems about the smell and weight. Then the teacher said, "This situation is very similar to what you carry in your heart when you don't like some people. This hatred makes your heart unhealthy and you carry that hatred in your heart everywhere you go. If you can’t bear the smell of spoiled potatoes for a week, imagine the impact of this hatred that you carry throughout your life, on your heart?"

MORALE:
* Our heart is a beautiful garden that needs a regular cleaning of unwanted weeds.
* Forgive those who have not behaved with you as expected and forget the bad things. this also makes room available for storing good things.

Pickup in the Rain

One night, at 11:30 PM, an older African American woman was standing on the side of an Alabama highway trying to endure a lashing rain storm. Her car had broken down and she desperately needed a ride. Soaking wet, she decided to flag down the next car. A young white man stopped to help her - generally unheard of in those conflict-filled 1960s. The man took her to safety, helped her get assistance and put her into a taxi cab. She seemed to be in a big hurry! She wrote down his address, thanked him and drove away.

Seven days went by and a knock came on the man's door. To his surprise, a giant console color TV was delivered to his home. A special note was attached. It read: "Thank you so much for assisting me on the highway the other night. The rain drenched not only my clothes but my spirits. Then you came along. Because of you, I was able to make it to my dying husband's bedside just before he passed away. God bless you for helping me and unselfishly serving others."

Lessons:

- Offer help to anyone who needs it
- Thank others for helping you.
- If you help someone. Someone will help you.

If everyone does just these, the whole world will live in happiness..

How the Poor Live - Touching storey

One day, a father of a very wealthy family took his son on a trip to the country with the firm purpose of showing his son how poor people live. They spent a couple of days and nights on the farm of what would be considered a very poor family. On their return from their trip, the father asked his son, "How was the trip?"

"It was great, Dad."

"Did you see how poor people live?" the father asked.

"Oh yeah," said the son.

"So, tell me, what did you learn from the trip?" asked the father.

The son answered, "I saw that we have one dog and they had four. We have a pool that reaches to the middle of our garden, and they have a creek that has no end. We have imported lanterns in our garden, and they have the stars at night. Our patio reaches to the front yard, and they have the whole horizon. We have a small piece of land to live on, and they have fields that go beyond our sight. We have servants who serve us, but they serve others. We buy our food, but they grow theirs. We have walls around our property to protect us; they have friends to protect them."

The boy's father was speechless.

Then his son added, "Thanks, Dad, for showing me how poor we are."

Mountain Story

"A son and his father were walking on the mountains.Suddenly, his son falls, hurts himself and screams:
"AAAhhhhhhhhhhh! !!"
To his surprise, he hears the voice repeating, somewhere in the mountain:
"AAAhhhhhhhhhhh! !!"
Curious, he yells: "Who are you?"
He receives the answer: "Who are you?"
And then he screams to the mountain: "I admire you!"
The voice answers: "I admire you!"
Angered at the response, he screams: "Coward!"
He receives the answer: "Coward!"
He looks to his father and asks: "What's going on?"
The father smiles and says: "My son, pay attention."
Again the man screams: "You are a champion!"
The voice answers: "You are a champion!"
The boy is surprised, but does not understand.
Then the father explains: "People call this ECHO, but really this is LIFE.
It gives you back everything you say or do.
Our life is simply a reflection of our actions.
If you want more love in the world, create more love in your heart.
If you want more competence in your team, improve your competence.
This relationship applies to everything, in all aspects of life;
Life will give you back everything you have given to it."
YOUR LIFE IS NOT A COINCIDENCE. IT'S A REFLECTION OF YOU!"

No man / woman is busy in this world all 365 days

An elderly man in Mumbai calls his son in New York and says,

'I hate to ruin your day son, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are getting a divorce; 35 years of marriage.... and that much misery is enough!'

'Dad, what are you talking about?' the son screams.

'We can't stand the sight of each other any longer,' the old man says.

'We're sick of each other, and I'm sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in HongKong and tell her!'

Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone.

'Like heck they're getting divorced,' she shouts, 'I'll take care of this.'

She calls Mumbai immediately, and screams at the old man, 'You are not getting divorced. Don't do a single thing until I get there. I'm calling my brother back, and we'll both be there tomorrow. Until then , don't do a thing, DO YOU HEAR??' and she hangs up.

The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife.. 'Okay', he says, 'It's all set. They're both coming for our anniversary and paying their own airfare!!'

MORAL:
No man / woman is busy in this world all 365 days.
The sky is not going to fall down if you take few days LEAVE and meet your dear ones.

OFFICE WORK IS NOT EVERYTHING IN LIFE and MONEY MAKING IS NOT EVERYTHING IN LIFE.

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