management & engineers

A woman in a hot air balloon realized she was lost. She reduced altitude and spotted a man below.

She descended a bit more and shouted, "Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago but I don't know where I am."

The man below replied "You're in a hot air balloon hovering approximately 30 feet above the ground. You're between 40 and 41 degrees north latitude and between 59 and 60 degrees west longitude."

"You must be an engineer," said the balloonist. "I am", replied the man.

"How did you know?"

"Well, answered the balloonist, "everything you told me is technically correct, but I've no idea what to make of your information, and the fact is I'm still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help at all. If anything, you've delayed my trip even more."

The man below responded, "You must be in management."

"I am," replied the balloonist, "but how did you know?"

"Well," said the man, "You don't know where you are or where you're going.You have risen to where you are due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise which you've no idea how to keep, and you expect people beneath you to solve your problems?!!"

BOTTOM LINE: just imagine the management guys who are basically engineers... no wonder!!!!!

*********

Swami Vivekananda - The Universal Man

Swami Vivekananda - The Universal Man

Rarely does humanity witness a combination of a great Guru (Spiritual Teacher) and equally capable Shishya (spiritual disciple) as Sri Ramakrishna and Swami Vivekananda were.

The Upanishads and the Gita do mention of such noble pairs, when a yearning aspirant seeking higher knowledge humbly bows down to the Teacher and says, 'Sir, please tell me: Which is that thing which having been known, all this becomes known, and nothing else remains to be known? Give me that, acquiring which all desires nullify. O gracious one, I surrender at your feet; please tell me what is right for me.'


And the compassionate Teacher describes the nature of Self or Atman, starting as external reality and culminating into the true knowledge of our inner Self.

As the Guru speaks, so does the aspirant (sadhaka) experience the Truth contained in those words. It is as if a film on Brahman is being run in front of the yearning aspirant.

One such pair flourished in the last but one decade of nineteenth century, when Sri Ramakrishna Paramahamsa sculpted the most wonderful masterpiece in the form of Swami Vivekananda out of skeptical and rational, but fearless and dynamic Narendranath.

Their association has unleashed a tremendous spiritual force that has started destroying dreary ignorance covering the minds and hearts of mankind all over the globe.

Then, scientific knowledge based on reason and rationality was ushering in the era of Industrial Revolution; however, it also brought skepticism and contempt for religion.

Science appeared to be partial and sectarian in its study of various phenomena, for it tried to leave religion out of its purview. As a result the majority of people started believing that the goal of life was material progress alone.

Religion was on the defensive in the face of clattering advances of modern technology. Decline in religion (Dharma Glani) manifested as ritualistic monotony, crass materialism, and excessive engagement insense pleasures with resultant lack of discrimination and renunciation.

Values of kindness and generosity, of forbearance and simplicity were relegated to the back seat. The priests and the rulers, the rich and the privileged became the custodians of religious truths.

Selfishness replaced altruism, and religious fanaticism erupted as a legitimate weapon to spread "true religion" and destroy "false beliefs".

Such states of decline in Dharma come in cycles. However, as the Gita says, a Man of God also comes on the scene to destroy wickedness and to reestablish the path of spirituality. These great seers and teachers come to'set in motion the wheel of dharma,' as did Lord Buddha 2500 years ago.

Such incarnations come from time to time, in every era, in every land, and help revive the noble path of transcendental realization as the source and proofof Knowledge and Truth. They give the sagging wheel of spirituality apowerful push for moving it again in right direction.

In recent times world faced such a situation when, to revive the declining faith in religion and to instill knowledge of the true goal of humankind, Swami Vivekananda entered the world arena as a great disciple of Sri Ramakrishna.

Swami Vivekananda revived Hinduism on the basis of the interpretations and meaning given to the philosophy of Vedanta by great Rishis at varioustime- periods of history. The externals of Hinduism appear to change from SriRama to Sri Krishna, from Sri Chaitannya to Sri Ramakrishna, but the core ofSanatana Dharma (Eternal Religion) remains the same.

Swami Vivekananda preached the essence of religion by way of finding newer insights in and application of Eternal Religion as per the requirement of modern times and global perspective.

He highlighted the truth of the 'divinity of each soul' and the constant struggle and evolution of an individual to manifest this divinity fully. Transcendental realization of our true nature, I.e. Pure consciousness, is what Hinduism (Vedanta) preaches right through the eternity.

This is the essential teaching mentioned and elaborated in the Upanishads, the Gita, and the Brahma-sutras. The attempt to realize this truth is the beginning of religion, and getting established in transcendental divine state is the aim of human birth.

Every person succeeding in this attempt is the basis and hope for fresh human endeavour and struggle for self-realization in future.

Wacky Definitions

School: A place where Papa pays and Son plays.

Life Insurance: A contract that keeps you poor all your life so that you can die Rich.

Nurse: A person who wakes u up to give you sleeping pills.

Marriage: It's an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree and a woman gains her masters.

Tears: The hydraulic force by which masculine willpower is defeated by feminine waterpower.

Lecture: An art of transferring information from the notes of the Lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through "the minds of either"

Conference: The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.

Compromise: The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece.

Dictionary: A place where success comes before work.

Conference Room: A place where everybody talks, nobody listens and everybody disagrees later on.

Father: A banker provided by nature.

Boss: Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.

Politician: One who shakes your hand before elections and your Confidence after.

Doctor: A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you by bills.

Classic: Books, which people praise, but do not read.

Smile: A curve that can set a lot of things straight.

Office: A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.

Yawn: The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.

Etc.: A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.

Committee: Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together.

Experience: The name men give to their mistakes.

Atom Bomb: An invention to end all inventions.

Philosopher: A fool who torments himself during life, to be wise after death.

His and Her Diaries

1. HER DIARY

Saturday night I thought he was acting weird.

We had made plans to meet at a bar to have a drink.

I was shopping with my friends all day long, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no comment.

Conversation wasn't flowing so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk, he agreed but he kept quiet and absent.

I asked him what was wrong he said nothing. I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset.

He said it had nothing to do with me and not to worry.

On the way home I told him that I loved him, he simply smiled and kept driving.

I can't explain his behavior; I don't know why he didn't say I love you too.

When we got home I felt as if had lost him, as if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore.

He just sat there and watched T.V. He seemed distant and absent.

Finally I decided to go to bed, about 10 minutes later he came to bed and to my surprise he responded to my caress and we made love, but I still felt that he was distracted and his thoughts where Somewhere else.

I decided that I could not take it anymore so I decided to confront him with the situation but he had fallen asleep.

I started crying and cried until I too fell asleep.

I don't know what to do, I'm almost sure that his thoughts are with someone else.

My life is a disaster.

2 - HIS DIARY

Today INDIA lost match. Bad Luck...

pink curtain

A blonde enters a store that sells curtains. She tells the salesman,

"I would like To buy a pair of pink curtains". The salesman assures her that they have a large election of pink curtains.

He shows her several patterns, but the blonde seems to be having a hard time choosing.

Finally she selects a lovely pink floral print.

The salesman then asks what size curtains she needs. The blonde promptly replies, "fifteen inches" "Fifteen inches???" asked the salesman.

"That sounds very small, what room are they for?" The blonde tells him that they aren't for a room; they are for her computer monitor.

The surprised salesman replies, "but Miss, computers do not need curtains!"

The blonde says, "Hellllooooooooo ............ . I've got Windoooooows!"