Waiting for a Train

Mike and his wife, Alice, check into a hotel. Mike wants to go to the bar for a drink, but Alice is very tired from the trip and decides to go up to their room to rest.

Just as Alice lies down on the bed, an elevated train passes by very close to the window, shaking the room so hard that she's thrown out of the bed.

Thinking this must be a freak occurrence, Alice lies down once more. Again, a train goes by and shakes the room so violently that she's thrown to the floor.

Exasperated, Alice calls the front desk and asks for the manager, who says he'll be right up.

The manager is skeptical, but Alice insists the story is true. "Look.." Alice says, "Lie here on the bed, you'll be thrown right to the floor!" So, the manager lies down next to Alice.

Just then Mike enters the room. "What are you doing here??!!" Mike shouts.

"Would you believe if I say I'm waiting for a train?" the manager calmly replies.

And he was thrown right to the floor by Mike.

Keep you Mobile Loaded...!!

There was a girl called Tina whom Tejas really loved but he never had the guts to tell her how much he loves her.

One night, at around 11:00pm, Tejas summoned some courage and sent Tina a sms message saying, "I love you so much, I want to date you. Please reply and tell me how you feel about me."

A few seconds later Tejas received a message alert on his phone. Tejas was so excited but at the same time was also scared and too tensed to open it that night, so he decided not to check the reply until the next morning when he will be less tensed.

When Tejas woke up the next day, he said his prayers, did his morning chores, brushed his teeth, ate his breakfast, took his bath and combed his hair, then jumped back to his bed and gently picked up his phone to read the message.

Tejas started reading:
"Dear customer, you have insufficient balance to complete your request. Kindly reload your account and try again. Thank you."

Mystery of Beard

Mukesh is married to Geeeta but he is having an extra-marital affair with another girl called Meeta.

One afternoon when Mukesh was with Meeta, she asked that he shave his beard.

"I do like your beard, Mukesh, but I would really love to see your handsome face." Meeta said.

"My wife loves this beard, honey." Mukesh replied. "I couldn't possibly shave it. She would kill me."

"Oh, please..." Meeta purred.

"Really, I can't." Mukesh replied. "My wife loves this beard!"

Meeta asked once more, and Mukesh sighed and finally gave up.

That night, Mukesh crawled into bed while Geeeta was sleeping.

Geeeta stirred, felt his face, and said, "Oh, Mahesh, you shouldn't be here! My husband will be home any time soon!"

Dont do it AGAIN...

Wife was making fried eggs for her husband, for breakfast. Suddenly Husband burst into the kitchen.

"Careful... Careful!!! Put in some more butter! Oh my God! You're cooking too many at once. Too many! Turn them! Turn them now! We need more butter. Oh my God! Where are we going to get more butter? They're going to stick! Careful... Careful!!! I said be careful! You never listen to me when you're cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you crazy? Have you lost your mind? Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the salt. Use the salt! The salt!"

Wife stared at Husband and asked, "What the hell is wrong with you? You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?"

Husband calmly replied, "I wanted to show you what it feels like when I'm driving with you in the car."

Just in case you pass a bus stop on a stormy night.

You are driving along in your car on a wild, stormy night. You pass by a bus stop, and you see three people waiting for the bus:

1. An old lady who looks as if she is about to die.

2. An old friend who once saved your life.

3. The perfect man (or) woman you have been dreaming about.

Which one would you choose to offer a ride to, knowing that there could only be one passenger in your car? Think before you continue reading.

This is a moral/ethical dilemma that was once actually used as part of a job application. You could pick up the old lady, because she is going to die, and thus you should save her first; or you could take the old friend because he once saved your life, and this would be the perfect chance to pay him back. However, you may never be able to find your perfect dream lover again.

The candidate who was hired (out of 200 applicants) had no trouble coming up with his answer. I love this, I may actually use it sometime for an interview situation. WHAT DID HE SAY?

He simply answered:

"I would give the car keys to my old friend, and let him take the lady to the hospital. I would stay behind and wait for the bus with the woman of my dreams."

Never forget to "Think Outside the Square"

I Love U

When U Were Only 5 Yrs Old, I Said I Love U...
U Asked Me: "What Is It?"

When U Were 15 Yrs Old, I Said I Love U....
U Blushed.. U Look Down And Smile..

When U Were 20 Yrs Old, I Said I Love U....
U Put Ur Head On My Shoulder And Hold My Hand.. Afraid That I Might Dissapear..

When U Were 25 Yrs Old, I Said I Love U....
U Prepare Breakfast And Serve It In Front Of Me, And Kiss My Forhead N
Said : "U Better Be Quick, Is's Gonna Be Late.."

When U Were 30 Yrs Old, I Said I Love U....
U Said: "If U Really Love Me, Please Come Back Early After Work.."

When U Were 40 Yrs Old, I Said I Love U....
U Were Cleaning The Dining Table And Said: "Ok Dear, But It's Time For U To Help Our Child With His/Her Revision.."

When U Were 50 Yrs Old, I Said I Love U....
U Were Knitting And U Laugh At Me..

When U Were 60 Yrs Old, I Said I Love U....
U Smile At Me..

When U Were 70 Yrs Old. I Said I Love U....
We Sitting On The Rocking Chair With Our Glasses On.. I'm Reading Your Love Letter That U Sent To Me 50 Yrs Ago..With Our Hand Crossing Together..

When U Were 80 Yrs Old, U Said U Love Me!
I Didn't Say Anything But Cried..

That Day Must Be The Happiest Day Of My Life! Because U Said U Love Me!!!!!!!

Please Express your Love & Appreciate Your Loved Ones.. Say "I Love You" To Them When U Have The Chance Now!!! Now!!! Now!!!

Story of Regret

There was once a man who firmly believed in real love and chose to take his time in waiting for the ideal woman to come along. He was certain that there would be someone wonderful waiting for him, but none did. His ex-girlfriend would visit him every Christmas from Vancouver and look him up. He was aware that she continued to harbour some hopes for rekindling their previous romance. He had no intention of deceiving her in any manner. So whenever she returned, he would always have one of his female friends pretend to be his girlfriend. This carried on for a while, and every year the guy would pretend to be interested in a different female.

The ex-girlfriend would be misled into thinking that their relationship was finished whenever she came to see him. The female appeared to take it all in stride and would frequently try to discreetly mock him about his various relationships. The girl actually frequently cried in private whenever she saw him with a different female, but she was too proud to acknowledge it. Still, she came back for Christmas with the hopes of reigniting a relationship. But every time, she felt let down when she arrived in Vancouver.

She finally came to the conclusion that she had to stop playing that game. She approached him as a result and declared that despite the passing of the years, he was still the only guy she had ever loved. Even though he was aware of her affection for him, he was nonetheless surprised since he had not anticipated her response. He had always imagined that she would eventually stop thinking about him and accept the end of their relationship. Despite being moved by her unwavering devotion to him and desire to accept her once more, he kept in mind the reason he had initially turned her down: she was not the person he desired. He therefore hardened his heart and rejected her harshly. Three years have gone since that time, and the girl has stopped coming back. They never even exchanged letters. The man continued living his life. He was still looking for the right person, but he missed the girl.

He went alone to his friend's party for Christmas in 1995. Hey, why are you by yourself this year? All of your girlfriends are where? One of his friends questioned him, "What happened to that Vancouver babe who joins you every Christmas?" Even though he was warmed and soothed by his friend's inquiries about her, he nonetheless continued.

Then he encountered one of the several women he had asked to pretend as his steady previously. Not because he was being disrespectful, but more because he felt suddenly uncomfortable with those women, he really wanted to ignore her. It was almost as though they were evaluating him. When she saw him, the girl yelled for him across the floor. He walked up to recognise her since he couldn't avoid her.

"Hi… What's up? Doing well at the party?" the girl inquired.

Sure... yes, he responded.

She was a little buzzed... Probably caused by the whisky on her hand. "Why," she continued, "? Don't you need someone this year to pretend to be your girlfriend? Then he said, "No, there is no longer a need for that."

He was cut off before he could finish, "Oh sure! has undoubtedly found a girlfriend! You haven't been looking for one for years, are you sure? The man turned to confront the inebriated girl with a smile on his face, as if he had struck gold. Yes, you're correct, he said in response. In recent years, I haven't looked for anyone.

The man then left the woman very perplexed as he sprinted across the floor and out the door. He came to the realisation that his ideal partner had already been found—and she had been the Vancouver girl all along! He was awakened by what the inebriated woman said.

He has finally found his lady. That is why, when he realised she was gone, he decided not to look any more. He wasn't looking for any certain female in particular! He sought perfection, that's right—perfection! It is important for both sides to focus on their relationships. He made the decision to call her right away after becoming aware that he had abandoned someone so significant in his life. His entire being was overcome by terror. He feared that she could have moved on or that her sentiments might have changed. He once again experienced the anxiety of losing someone.

Christmas Eve made it particularly difficult to get through the queue, especially for international calls. He continued to try and never gave up. Finally, at exactly midnight, he made it through. The girl broke down in tears as he declared his love for her. It seems as though she was never over him! She had been waiting for him for a very long time, never giving up.

He couldn't wait to get to know her and start the new chapter of their life. He made the decision to fly to join her in Vancouver. The happiest time of their lives was here! However, their joyous period didn't last long. He got a call from her father two days before he was scheduled to take off for Vancouver. She was involved in a head-on vehicle accident with a drunk motorist. After 6 hours in a coma, she expired.

The man was heartbroken since he had lost everything. Why did fate subject him to such cruel games? He swore at god for stealing her from him and preventing him from getting even one final glimpse of her! What a dreadful curse! Oh, the Gods he cursed! He hated himself so much for not realising his error sooner! That occurred in 1996.

Moral: Be grateful for what you have. Time is too quick for those who are afraid, too long for those who are grieving, and too short for those who are joyful, but for those who love... Eternity is Time. For those of you out there who have someone precious in your heart, love that person and all of your time spent with them since anything may happen at any point in life. You can terribly regret something just to find out it's too late.

The Last Class Of College..

I walked with my best friends across the campus……… towards my class… my final year engineering class. The hour hand at the watch said … it was ten minutes past 5…. and there was not even a single trace of any life in the college…….. except for we three…. me and my best pals ………..

Another ten steps.. and there was our class with the doors shut… !!! we were on the third floor… and the sun setting down in the valley with its orange rays was creating a magical scene. Had a wish that the time stops at that very moment… but it never happens… the seconds hand ticked heavily….. and we opened the doors of the class for one last time……………….

Wished i cud ask my teacher…”may i come in…. ” and wanted to hear her shout…. “You late again… no attendance…”

but there was no one there… just empty desks.. and we three…. looking at the walls…. and the desks.. all empty… with quotes we wrote … and the raised platform .. where the torture classes were held… and the last benches.. where we had fun…. laughed …. kicked out…. hiding from the teachers… pleading for attendence………… million memories rolled like a muvee into our minds… and there was complete silence for a moment.. and we smiled … laughed!!!!!

Walked like heros from the medivial times..fought like the enemies over discussions of Arsenal and Manchester United.. jumped over the benches… had a look at the bench .. where the so called babes of our class used to sit…. hehehe… babes in my engineering college…. a dream in itself… (no offenses to any babes)… ..

drifted to our place… … sat there….. side seats…

dint feel like the last day …. dont remember how we met …. how we came to such a stage… feels like i know my friends from ages… feel like as if i was born in this college….. feel like i was always here…

The entire class was still there alive…. the last benchers sleeping………. the gals chatting amongst themselves……….. the teacher in her own world…… Ajay sitting besides me …. cribbing about something …. prasan sitting on first bench taking down notes…. and Vaibhav smiling at the babes…. Tushar … trying talking to the gals… and we laughing about something of the other….. me occasionally scribbling something on my notepad………… making some sketches.. or bullshit poetry …………

Ahh.. Snehal asking me to look outside… for some babes from C.Tech … standing there……. and i without even a word…looked outside.. it was an unsaid communication…. Sameer pinged me… and i, with the same enthu… looked outside… but today there wasnt anybody there……………. just the deserted corridor………. and i cud see the mechanical department at the end… no one there………………

looked back….. but there was Vikram .. in his dream world…. not scribbling anything in his notebook… not laughing this time…. not sayin anything this time……….. just sitting there.. and there was Sunny… and there was me …..

“roll number 25………. “

“roll number 25………… Abhishek…. u sleeping again…….. “

“Ok fine…………. roll number 26″

“………………….. hey .. present ma’m………… “

“you sleep dear…!!! no attendence for you……………..”

No attendence…. the class has ended… and my friends… chatting and laughing …. going for a chai… aur a samossa….. aur a lemon juice…

and we sat there ….. sat there all alone ……… closed our eyes, for the entire world outside the walls of the campus was calling us…………..

Wanted to attend one last lecture…….. but this time there was no one to take that last lecture…………..

and there was that door… open… and we wished all the time .. to run away …. to bunk.. but this time it wasnt….. one last time…. one last time………… attended the class…. with no one.. just we three…

You are a Desi, if.....

1....you ask for small drink at fast food restaurant because the refill is free.
2....you know more than one plans offered by long distance companies.
3....you take plain water instead of Coke for lunch. (may also be a health nut)
4....you take any drink with no ice because you can't drink ice.
5....you ask before eating any meat "Is this beef?".
6....you try to ignore all other unknown desi's around you.
7....you tell your friends about this wonderful opportunity, and invite them to an Amway meeting
8....you know all the facilities available at public library.
9....you talk to Americans as if you represent your whole country.
10....stove top in your apartment is covered with aluminum foil.
11.....you frequent to yard sales every week.
12....you find taco bell sauce packets in your kitchen drawer.
13....your dinner involves spreading newspaper on living room floor.
14....you take off your shoes before stepping foot in your living room.
15....if you like onion rings at Burger King.
16....you are looking for dual voltage appliances.
17....the phrase "When are you going to India" comes into your conversation at least once a day.
18....you bought Toyota or Honda car only because it has better resale value.
19.....the number of long distance calls is more than domestic calls.
20.....you keep switching your internet service provider because first month is free.
21.....you go back to your apartment for lunch.
22.....your full name contains more than 15 characters.
23.....you know all the $1.50 theaters in your city.
24.....the only reason you go to a temple on festivals is because there is free food.
25.....you have spent nights in the car while traveling because you wanted to save money spent on cheap motel.
26.....you don't know any American outside your work.
27.....you tried to flirt with the Hindi speaking operator at AT&T.
28.....you have at least one Indian made pressure cooker in your kitchen.
29.....you know how much a 7 layer burrito costs at Taco Bell.
30.....you run to Laundromat in your lungi.
31.....put oil in your hair.
32.....you have a picture of Indian deity on the dashboard of your car.
33.....if this thought comes to you "Oh shit I just saw another desi" when you are window shopping at the mall.
34.....if you keep comparing prices at Circuit City for the phone you bought six months ago.
35.....the lawyer handling your green card is in your speed dial.
36.....you are compelled to visit every major city in US, just so as to say that "Yes I have been there "
37.....you are comfortable with an American than an ABCD.
38.....you have been to Mexico or Canada for multiple entry H1 Visa.
39.....you pay your bills the day they come in mail.
40.....spent 2 days cleaning your apartment before leaving so you can get full security refund from landlord.
41.....have a bucket in your bath tub.
42.....you have to borrow luggage from friends for India visit.
43.....the smoke detector goes off whenever your are cooking dinner.
44.....you know which grocery store keeps coriander.
45.....you buy butter milk before you run out of it.
46.....you use grocery bags as garbage bags.
47.....you say 'Damn I have already seen this show" when ever you are watching Married With Children.
48.....you buy rice in the 20 pound bags.
49.....office supplies mysteriously find their way in your house.
50.....you don't want to buy a printer because you can always use the office printer.
51.....you have postponed buying answering machine because the computer you are planning to buy six months later has in built answering machine.
52.....your idea of fun involves bowling.
53.....you starts spelling your name to the operator like A as in Apple, B as in boy , T as in train ...well you get the idea.
54.....you ask another desi if he /she ever got a traffic ticket.
55.....you haven't had a single female in your apartment besides your friends wife.
56.....you bring over the counter medicines like Iodex and Vicks from India.
57.....decide to marry a girl, your parents fixed without even meeting her.
58.....you know the current differential in gold prices between India and US.
59.....you go to a temple to look at girls.
60.....you have worked illegally in a Guju's motel.
61.....you mark your forehead with sacred ash.
62.....you have bought a video camera just before Niagara trip and returned it after the trip.
63.....wear VIP/Indian brand underwear and undershirts.
64.....you have Rin (detergent soap cake) in your bathroom.
65.....you have taken pictures of your car and mailed to your folks back home.
66....you use the credit card with maximum cash back.
67....you have collected enough frequent flier miles for a international trip.
68....you are saving more that 30 % of your salary.
69....you talk about the sexual escapades of your friend.
70....you have never asked a girl out. (you might just be plain ugly too)
71....you've bookmarked immigration web pages in your browser.
72....you know your friends salaries!
73....you smell likes a curry.
74....you have asked a PhD student for a ride to grocery store.
75....there are more than 4 guys living in a 2 bedroom apartment.
76....you have a cooking schedule in your kitchen cabinet.
77....you spend at least 2 evenings in a week at Kmart.
78....you split even the tax out of your common grocery bill.
79....you complain about Indian international airports on your first vacation to India.
80....you take 4 week long vacation

Sixth Sense

A father put his three year old daughter to bed, told her a story and listened to her prayers which she ended by saying "God bless Mommy, God bless daddy, God bless grandma and good-bye grandpa."

The father asked, "Why did you say good-bye grandpa?"

The little girl said, "I don't know daddy, it just seemed like the thing to do."

The next day grandpa died.

The father thought it was a strange coincidence.

A few months later the father put the girl to bed and listened to her prayers, which went like this: "God bless Mommy, God Bless daddy and good-bye grandma."

The next day the grandmother died.

Oh my god, thought the father, this kid is in contact with the other side.

Several weeks later when the girl was going to bed the dad heard her say, "God bless Mommy and good-bye daddy."

He practically went into shock. He couldn't sleep all night and got up at the crack of dawn to go to his office.

He was nervous as a cat all day, had lunch sent in and watched the clock.

He figured if he could get by until midnight he would be okay.

He felt safe in the office, so instead of going home at the end of the day he stayed there,drinking coffee, looking at his watch and jumping at every sound.

Finally midnight arrived, he breathed a sigh of relief and went home.

When he got home his wife said "I've never seen you work so late, what's the matter?"

He said "I don't want to talk about it, I've just spent the worst day of my life."

She said "You think you had a bad day, you'll never believe what happened to me.
This morning our neighbour James dropped dead on our Porch."

English Is Really Crazy..

There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins were not invented in England or French fries in France. Sweetmeats are candies, while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat. We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square, and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

And why is it that writers write, but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce, and hammers don't ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So, one moose, 2 meese? One index, two indices? Is cheese the plural of choose?

If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?

In what language do people recite at a play, and play at a recital?

Ship by truck, and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell? Park on driveways and drive on parkways? How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites? How can the weather be hot as hell one day and cold as hell another?

When a house burns up, it burns down. You fill in a form by filling it out, and an alarm clock goes off by going on.

When the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible. And why, when I wind up my watch, I start it, but when I wind up this essay, I end it.