Qualities you learn from Marriage

John and Laila were celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary.

During the celebration banquet, John was asked to give his friends a brief account of the benefits of a marriage of such long duration.

"Tell us John, just what is it you have learned from all those wonderful years with your wife?"

John responds, "Well, I've learned that marriage is the best teacher of all. It teaches you loyalty, forbearance, meekness, self-restraint, forgiveness..."

"...And a great many other qualities you wouldn't have needed if you'd stayed single."

There is no God

A teacher was teaching his students in a geography class and he told them that there is no God. Trying to prove his point, the teacher took the students out and asked them to look up the sky.

Teacher: Look at the sky very well
Students: we are looking sir

Teacher: OK,what do you see??
Students: cloud!!!

Teacher: did you see God?
Students: No.............

Teacher: which means there is no God.

(After that,they went back to the class).
Teacher: Any question?
Class monitor: I have question sir

Teacher: yes go on
Class monitor: sir can you please remove your cap?
Teacher: of course,yes

Class monitor: look at his head very well and tell me what you see
Students: we can see his hair,skin and so on

Class monitor: did you see his brain??
Students: No

Class monitor: which means our teacher has no brain ( Teacher fainted)

What a coincidence

John, a chicken farmer, went to a local bar, sat next to a woman, and ordered a glass of champagne.

The woman perks up and says, "How about that? I just ordered a glass of champagne, too!"

"What a coincidence!" John said, "This is a special day for me, I'm celebrating."

"This is a special day for me, too, and I'm also celebrating!" says the woman.

"What a coincidence!" says John. As they clinked glasses John asked, "What are you celebrating?"

"My husband and I have been trying to have a child, and today my gynaecologist told me I'm pregnant!"

"What a coincidence!" says John. "I'm a chicken farmer. For years all my hens were infertile, but today they're finally laying fertilized eggs."

"That's great!" says the woman, "How did your chickens become fertile?"

"I switched cocks." John replied.

She smiled and said, "What a coincidence again!"

A real good time

Mike and Alice were invited to a swanky masked Halloween party. Unfortunately, Alice had a horrible headache and told Mike to go to the party alone.

Being the devoted husband, Mike protested, but Alice argued that there was no need for his good time to be spoiled just because she wasn't going.

Alice was going to take some aspirin and go to bed and urged Mike to go to the party and enjoy himself.

After taking some aspirin and sleeping for an hour or so, Alice awakened without any pain and as it was still early, decided to go to the party.

Since Mike had no idea what Alice's costume was, Alice thought she would have some fun by watching Mike to see how he acted when she wasn't with him.

Alice joined the party and quickly spotted the masked Mike cavorting around on the dance floor, dancing with every chick he could, copping a little feel here and a little kiss there.

Alice casually sidled up to Mike and being a seductive woman herself, Mike left his partner high and dry and turned his attentions to Alice.

Naturally, since Mike was her husband, Alice allowed him to go as far as he wanted.

Eventually, Mike leaned closer to Alice and whispered a little proposition in her ear and she agreed. The two of them went out to one of the cars and had a little bang.

Just before unmasking at midnight, Alice slipped away and went home. She put the costume away and got into bed wondering what kind of explanation Mike would have for his behavior.

Alice was still awake when Mike came in so she asked him what kind of time he had. "Oh, the same old thing. You know I never enjoy myself when you're not with me." Mike replied.

"Did you dance very much?" Alice asked.

"I never even danced one dance." Mike said. "When I got there, I met up with a few of the guys, so we went into the den and played cards all evening."

"But I'll tell you... the guy that borrowed my costume sure had a real good time!"

Dark in here

A woman takes a lover home during the day, while her husband is at work.

Unbeknownst to her, her 9 year old son was hiding in the closet.

Her husband comes home unexpectedly, so she puts the lover in the closet with the little boy.

The little boy says, "Dark in here."

The man says, "Yes it is."

Boy: I have a baseball.

Man: That's nice.

Boy: Want to buy it?

Man: No, thanks.

Boy: My dad's outside.

Man: OK, how much?

Boy: $250.

In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the mom's lover are in the closet together.

Boy: Dark in here.

Man: Yes, it is.

Boy: I have a baseball glove.

The lover, remembering the last time, asks the boy, "How much?"

Boy: $750.

Man: Fine.

A few days later, the father says to the boy, "Grab your glove. Let's go outside and toss the baseball back and forth."

The boy says, "I can't. I sold them."

The father asks, "How much did you sell them for?"

The son says, "$1,000."

The father says, "That's terrible to overcharge your friends like that. That is way more than those two things cost. I'm going to take you to church and make you confess."

They go to a church and the father makes the little boy sit in the confession booth and he closes the door.

The boy says, "Dark in here."

The priest says, "Don't start that shit again."

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