fruit of labour

Three men who were lost in the forest were captured by cannibals. The cannibal king told the prisoners that they could live if they pass a trial.

The first step of the trial was to go to the forest and get ten pieces of the same kind of fruit. So all three men went separate ways to gather fruits.

The first one came back and said to the king, 'I brought ten apples.' The king then explained the trial to him. 'You have to shove the fruits up your butt without any expression on your face or you'll be eaten up.'

Two apples went in?.. But on the third one he winced out in pain, so he was killed.

The second one arrived and showed the king ten berries. When the king explained the trial to him he thought to himself that this should be easy.

1...2...3... 4...5...6. ..7...8.. . and on the ninth berry he burst out in laughter and was killed.

The first guy and the second guy met in heaven. The first one asked, 'Why did you laugh, you almost got away with it?'

The second one replied, 'I couldn't help it, I saw the third guy coming with pineapples.'

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Honest answer

Honestly, we will have these answers in our mind ... But we give different, tailored and suitable answers to the guy !

1. Why did you apply for this job?
I have applied for many jobs along with this and you called me now.

2. Why do you want to work for this company?
I have to work for some company who ever gives me a job, I don't have any specific company in mind.

3. Why should I hire you?
You have to hire some one, you may give me a try.

4. What would you do if this happened?
Well, it depends my Mindset and mood at that situation...

5. What is your biggest strength?
Basically, daring to join any company who pays me well, without thinking of the fate of company

6. What is your biggest weakness?
Girls

7. What was your worst mistake, and how did you learn from it?
Joining my earlier company and learnt that I need to jump to get more money, so I am here today

8. What accomplishments in your last position are you most proud of?
Had I accomplished any in my last position, why do I need to change my job? I could demand more and stay there.

9. Describe a challenge you faced and how you overcame it?
Biggest challenge is answering the question "why are you looking for a change" and I started blabbering irrelevantly to overcome that.



10. Why did you leave/ are you leaving your last job?
For the same reason why you left your earlier job

11. What do you want from this job?
If no work is given but keep giving good hikes

12. What are your career goals and how do you plan to achieve them?
Make more money and for that keep jumping companies for every 2 yrs

13. Did you hear of our company and what do you know of us?
Yeah, I know that you will ask this, I've gone through your website

14. What is the salary expected and how do justify that?
Well, no one will change job for the same salary, hence, give me 20% extra than what I am getting and that is unpublished industry standard

(I know you will bargain on what ever I ask, hence, I have already hiked my current salary by 30%)

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Ye ishq nahi aasa......

Who Bole .....

Ye ishq nahi aasa, Itna to samajh lejiye...

Ek Aag ka dariya hai, aur doob ke jaana hai ....

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Maine kaha...

Masoom is mohabbat ka bus itna as fasana hai..

Kagaj ki haveli hai, baarish ka zamaana hai..

Kya shart-e-mohabbat hai, kya shart-e-zamana hai..

Awaz bhi jakhmi hai aur wo geet bhi gana hai..

Uss per utrne ki umeed bahut kam hai..

Kashti bhi puraani hai, tufaan bhi aana hai..

Samajhe ya na samjhe wo andaaz-e-mohabbat ka..

Bheegi hui ankho se ek sher sunaana hai..

Bholi is Ada, koi fir ishq ki jid par hai..

Fir aag ka dariya hai.. Aur doob hi jana hai ...

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I can't hear you !

Charlie was responsible for taking up the offerings at a local church. One Sunday, after the service, the priest counted the money and found there was less than anticipated, given the size of the congregation. He took Charlie aside and questioned him.

Charlie said that he did not take any of the offerings.

The priest questioned him again and again and Charlie continued to insist that he did not take any of the offerings. So, the priest told Charlie to get into the confessional, which he did.

The priest then asked him again, "Charlie, did you take any of the offering?" This time, Charlie replied, "I can't hear you."

The priest asked Charlie the same question several times and Charlie would always reply, "I can't hear you."

Finally, the priest yelled, "CHARLIE, DID YOU TAKE ANY OF THE OFFERING?"

Again, the reply was, "I can't hear you."

The priest was now beginning to get angry, so he came out of the confessional and said to Charlie, "Trade places with me and you can ask me a question."

So, they traded places and Charlie asked, "Is it true that you and my wife are having an affair?"

To which the priest replied, "By golly, you’re right, you can't hear in here!"

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Are You Ready to Have Children

How To Know Whether You Are Ready to Have Children
Mess Test:

Smear peanut butter on the sofa and curtains. Place a fish stick behind the couch and leave it there all summer.

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Toy Test:

Obtain a 55-gallon box of Legos. (If Legos are not available, you maysubstitute roofing tacks) Have a friend spread them all over the house. Put on a blindfold. Try to walk to the bathroom or kitchen. Do not scream. (This could wake a child at night.)

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Grocery Store Test:

Borrow one or two small animals (goats are best) and take them with you as you shop at the grocery store. Always keep them in sight and pay for anything they eat or damage.

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Dressing Test:

Obtain one large, unhappy, live octopus. Stuff into a small net bag, making sure that all arms stay inside.

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Feeding Test:

Obtain a large plastic milk jug. Fill halfway with water. Suspend from the ceiling with a stout cord. Start the jug swinging. Try to insert spoonfuls of soggy cereal (such as Fruit Loops or Cheerios) into the mouth of the jug, while pretending to be an airplane. Now dump the contents of the jug on the floor.

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Night Test:

Prepare by obtaining a small cloth bag and fill it with 8 - 12 pounds of sand. Soak it thoroughly in water. At 8:00 PM, begin to waltz and hum with the bag until 9:00 PM. Lay down your bag and set your alarm for 10: 00PM.Get up, pick up your bag, and sing every song you have ever heard. Make up about a dozen more and sing these too until 4:00 AM. Set alarm for 5:00 AM. Get up and make breakfast. Keep this up for 5 years. Look cheerful.

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Physical Test (Women):

Obtain a large beanbag chair and attach it to the front of your clothes. Leave it there for 9 months. Now remove 10 of the beans.

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Physical Test (Men):

Go to the nearest drug store. Set your wallet on the counter. Ask the clerk to help himself. Now proceed to the nearest food store. Go to the head office and arrange for your paycheck to be directly deposited to the store. Purchase a newspaper. Go home and read it quietly for the last time.

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Final Assignment:

Find a couple who already has a small child. Lecture them on how they can improve their discipline, patience, tolerance, toilet training, and child's table manners. Suggest many ways they can improve. Emphasize to them that they should never allow their children to run riot. Enjoy this experience. It will be the last time you will have all the answers. "

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Family Problem

Once two men sat in a bar drinking.

The first one said to the other ,"I have a hell lot of family problems."

The second one said ,"I'll tell you mine.

I married a widow having a young daughter.

My father married my daughter and so my father became my son-in-law and I became my father's father-in-law.

My daughter is my mother and my wife my grandmother.

More problems occurred when I had a son.

My son is my father's brother and so he my uncle.

Situations turned worse when my father had a son.

Now my father's son I.e. My brother is my grandson.

Ultimately, I have become my own grand father and I am my own grandson.

And you say you have family problems".

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The Four Cats !

Four men were bragging about how smart their cats were .

The first man was an Engineer, the second man was an Accountant, the third man was a Chemist and the fourth man was a Government Employee.

To show off, the Engineer called his cat,

"T-square, do your stuff."

T-square pranced over to the desk, took out some paper and pen and promptly drew a circle, a square, and a triangle. Everyone agreed that was pretty smart.

But the Accountant said his cat could do better.

He called his cat and said,

"Spreadsheet, do your stuff."

Spreadsheet went out to the kitchen and returned with a dozen cookies. He divided them into 4 equal piles of 3 cookies ............ Everyone agreed that was good.

But the Chemist said his cat could do better. He called his cat and said

"Measure, do your stuff."

Measure got up, walked to the fridge, took out a quart of milk,, got a 10 ounce glass from the cupboard and poured exactly 8 ounces without spilling a drop into the glass.

Everyone agreed that was pretty good.

Then the three men turned to the Government Employee and said, "What can your cat do?"

The Government Employee called his cat and said.....

"Coffee Break.....do your stuff."

Coffee Break jumped to his feet........ ...

Ate the cookies..... ......... .

Drank the milk........ ......

Sh*t on the paper....... ......... ....

Screwed the other three cats........ ......... ....

Claimed he injured his back while doing so.......... ........

Filed a grievance report for unsafe working conditions.. .......

Put in for Workers Compensation. ......... .....and

Went home for the rest of the day on sick leave....... ......!!! !!!!!!!

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Snacks of Humor

[1] You can become an engineer if you go to an Engineering college,
But don't expect to be a President going to the Presidency College!

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[2] Expect a BUS at a BUS Stop, but Don't expect a FOOL at FULLSTOP(.)

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[3] A Mechanical engineer becomes a mechanic
Then why not a software engineer become a software?

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[4] Find keys in a Key board
But do not expect a mother in mother board.

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[5] Study anything you want and get a certificate in subject of your studies
But don’t expect a death certificate studying "Dying and Death."

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Little girl with Grandpa

A grandfather and granddaughter were sitting and talking when the young girl asked, "Did God make you, Grandpa?"

"Yes, God made me," the grandfather answered.

A few minutes later, the little girl asked him, "Did God make me too?" "Yes, He did," the older man answered.

For a few minutes, the little girl seemed to be studying her grandpa, as well as her own reflection in the mirror, while her grandfather wondered what was running through her mind.

At last she spoke up. "You know, Grandpa," she said,

"God's doing a lot better job lately."

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