some funnies ....

One day I was walking down the beach with some friends when someone
shouted.....
'Look at that dead bird!'
Someone looked up at the sky and said....'where?'

While looking at a house, my brother asked the estate agent which direction
was north because he didn't want the sun waking him up every morning.
She asked, 'Does the sun rise in the north?'
My brother explained that the sun rises in the east and has for sometime.*
She shook her head and said, 'Oh, I don't keep up with all that stuff.....'

My colleague and I were eating our lunch in our cafeteria, when we
overheard an admin girl talking about the sunburn she got on her weekend
drive to the beach.
She drove down in a convertible, but said she 'didn't think she'd get
sunburned because the car was moving'.*

I was hanging out with a friend when we saw a woman with a nose ring
attached to an earring by a chain. My friend said, 'Ouch! The chain must rip
out every time she turns her head!"
I had to explain that a person's nose and ear remain the same distance
apart no matter which way the head is turned....*

I couldn't find my luggage at the airport baggage area and went to the lost
luggage office and reported the loss. The woman there smiled and told me
not to worry because she was a trained professional and said I was in good
hands. 'Now,' she asked me, 'Has your plane arrived yet?'...
(I work with professionals like this.)

While working at a pizza parlour I observed a man ordering a small pizza to
go. He appeared to be alone and the cook asked him if he would like it cut
into 4 pieces or 6. He thought about it for some time then said 'Just cut
it into 4 pieces; I don't think I'm hungry enough to eat 6 pieces.

This is a True Story from the USA!
A noted psychiatrist was a guest speaker at an academic function where
Nancy Pelosi happened to appear. Ms Pelosi took the opportunity to schmooze
the good doctor a bit and asked him a question with which he was most at
ease.

'Would you mind telling me, Doctor,' she asked, 'how you detect a mental
deficiency in somebody who appears completely normal?'

'Nothing is easier,' he replied. 'You ask a simple question which anyone
should answer with no trouble. If the person hesitates, that puts you on
the track.'

'What sort of question?' asked Pelosi.

Well, you might ask, 'Captain Cook made three trips around the world and
died during one of them. Which one?''

Pelosi thought a moment, and then said with a nervous laugh, 'You wouldn't
happen to have another example would you? I must confess I don't know much
about history.'

*Do you know why a Car's WINDSHIELD is so large & the Rearview Mirror is so
small?
Because our PAST is not as important as our FUTURE.
Look Ahead and Move on.