Funny One Liners

Don’t hate me because I m good, Hate me because I know it!!

A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.

I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.

If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong.

The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.

Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.

I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.

Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.

If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of payments.

Do u believe in love at first sight or do i have to walk past u again?

Never test the depth of the water with both feet.

Intel inside……….fool is out side.

I removed L from LOVER…….n now its all OVER !!!

You can do more with a kind word and a gun than with just a kind word.

Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.

Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.