General Equations & Statistics

- A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never
worries about the future until he gets a wife. A successful man is one who
makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can
find such a man.

- HAPPINESS - To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little. To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.

- LONGEVITY - Married men live longer than single men, but married men are a lot more willing to die.

- PROPENSITY TO CHANGE - A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't. A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.

- DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE - A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

- HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED - Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, "You're next." They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.